relationships.....

I .enjoy people telling me "You look like you did when you got married."Seventeen years ago.I'm apx 6 ft and weighed 229 the day we married. Shes' 5' 1" 120 and as hot today as she was when we married.With that said I'm just back from 20 years of being on a yoyo.I think if you have been comitted you will stay comitted.

Well, for me it has been the opposite so far. I went into surgery sort of taking my wife for granted, marraige of 16 years on autopilot in a lot of ways. I came out of surgery with more love and appreciation for her than I have had in years. I want to be close to her. I want to hold her hand, tell her how much I love her and never let her doubt for a second how much she means to me. I have practically become a chic. (This may very well be me replacing the comfort of food with the comfort of my loving wife, but I will take it) My personal experience is that sex drive returns to what it was when you were in your early 20's. I asked my doctor about that and he said that fat acts as an inhibitor to testosterone, and as you lose weight you regain what was once lost. I dont know if that is true or not, but all I can say is it has been pretty dramatic for me. I look forward to the next 50 years with my sweetie, Troy

hey too big,

please don't go around freaking yourself out. i hate to say it but the surgery has nothing to do with your marriage. i know, everyone says different. i've been with my girl over 21 years and had the surgery two years ago. i made a commitment to her, period. so i live up to that. yeah, maybe i get the look from women again but they didn't look when i was fat. she looked past that for who i was. how could not reward that? why would you want anyone else when she's stood by you no matter what you looked like? please, direct your concerns to other stuff. yeah, you'll be a stud again but just be one for her. i would rather die than hurt her and i bet you feel the same way so why waste energy worrying about some stupid statistics that don't apply to you?

now if you're marriage is rocky, then yes, you better explore the possibility. most guys here who have a solid relationship never even thought about this other than they'll get more attention. if you take it further than that then YOU have a problem that needs to be addressed. so be honest. do you want to wonder or fantasize what life will be like when you're a stud again? if you're contemplating those thoughts big time then work it out. as for me, i stick with the one who brought me to the dance. i couldn't live without her. jeez, i gotta stop or this is going to the main board! carbonblob

I agree with Carbon.  It's not something that "happens" to you, it's a choice that you make.  My wife stuck with me through the bad times; I have no intention of depriving her of the good times.....my commitment.

I'll try to keep my reply short and sweet and not get to "Dr. Phil" on ya... A wise post-op who is a regular contributer to this board and knows who he is, pointed out to me at a support group the night before my surgery that large amounts of testosterone are present in our fat stores, as we burn that fat that testoserone is released and courses through our veins. That said, you better let your partner know what to expect in advance or you will wind up frustrated with either a soar hand or a wondering eye!  Seriously though, I'm happier now that I'm healthy and that has made my marriage better. Do I find myself at the mall going "hey I could probably hook up with her now that I look better and am more confident?" sure I do,but there is a big difference between looking and acting. Another wise man once told me "being married is a lot like being on a diet, it's OK to look at the menu sometimes, as long as you don't eat it." Well put.

I really think you have to stop and think about what you are reading on some of the other boards. Seems like all you will read is the worst case. Prior to surgery I found the memorial board and the one about  complications, nearly scared me out of it. Then I realized that all I was reading the squeaky wheel so to speak. On those boards all you are going to read is the worst case.  I have been married 25 years and if I live long enough hope to be another 25. I really think most of it is based on what kind of a realationship you have prior to surgery. If you settled for something less than what you really wanted then chances are when you have more options you may decide to make a change. I married up so that is not a problem for me.  Sex is like been 25 again. I have always had it on my mind and that has not changed for me. At 375+ sex was a chore. I just could never figure out why my wife would still want to have it with me. Now at 165, actually 168, 2 or 3 pound bounce, sex is better than ever. I wake up with wood every morning. I don't want to bang every thing in sight, I do like to look at the menu though and I see how it  would be easy for some one to stray, it's out there if you want it. I get a whole lot of attention now and it is nice but I am happy with what I have at home.  pan head