relationships.....

I've been with ny wife for 17 yrs, married for 10.  I'm trying to figure out everything about having WLS good and bad, so I started reading the board called " Souses of WLS Patients": http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/spouses_of_wls_patients/ There are tons of sad stories on here where a person got WLS and lost a ton of weigh and now needs to find themselves, cheating, divorce, transfer addiction, etc. Well I think just informing myself prior to the surgury will help me. But I completely understand that losing 100+ lbs how someone could turn into a sex monster wanting to bang everything in sight.  I've been 245+ lbs since 9th grade in 1982.  After my surgury and I lose the weight and I reach my goal of 225, I will probably be so happy with my body, a body that I've never had before, I could see how easy it would be to do unfavorable relationship things. I hope I don't though.  I really just want to lose the weight and be able to run, jog, and be active again for myself and my kids. What do you think?

Hey Jack... this is a very real concern...and I personally never thought it would happen to me...but I do have to say the tempations are there... I was always the "Safe Fat Guy", and somewhere along the way, women started to notice me....(not that i'm intrested) but they can be really aggressive...spooky example...we were haveing dinner one night, and a woman, passed by our table 3 time, and you could tell she was trying to make eye contact...on the 4th pass, she stopped direct in front of the table and put a businsess card next to me....(before WLS I would have thought it would have been an Herb -a- life card) some of these chicks ain;t got no game... I think it's great, if youi are young and get fit...my advice is "Play hard and play safe" I was told by my partner, i talk differently...using phrases like "better choice" when it comes to food...when you have been with someone for 15 years...and all of a sudden you life changes..even if it is for the best, it is difficult...people hate change, You spouse wants you healthy, but they don;t fully realize, that does not happen in a bubble...you change your life, you get more confidence, and it can be difficult not to leave them behind, while you are evolving... There are those out there that would never stray...that is great...but there are those out there that this is a challenge Since you are doing your homework...I think, some counciling might help....with you and your partner...maybe even premarital type...because you will be a different person... just my 2 cents...great post Russ

Thanks for the reply.  I started to think with 7 views and no replies, this was the whimp board.  But thanks for the advice.  I think investigating all areas of this BEFORE having the surgury is going to help me most.  I like your advce of getting counseling and I already want my wife and I to attend local support groups. We'll see what happens. 

it's still early in the day....:) Russ

Well if it's any cosolation I went from a sex monster pre-op to Al Bundy post-op.   Maybe it has something to do with getting older or something but I just don't have the interest I did when I was younger.   I'd rather watch football.  Heh. 

Another point of view.  I cheated pre surgery any time I got a chance, since I just didn't get that many chances.  Now, 100 lbs. down, I've had more opportunity, but don't find myself wanting sex much anymore (even with myself, which used to be at least daily).  Don't know if it's common, but it's my reality.

It is scary to read about so much. If you know going in I guess it will be in your mind every time the opportunity comes up. From what I ahve read it seems to be more of a woman issue than a man issue but then it could just be they talk about more. As a pre-op I think about it often and it scares me. We have been together almost 25 years and I don't want to give up half of my stuff, I don't see it happening for me BUT we have talked about it just so she knows it is an issue with some.

I see it is a God issue and the commitment I made to my wife before God.  Also with all tthe STD's out there and aids, no thanks, although I'm a big time flirt. But it is still very scary to read about it happening so mcuh.

"I see it is a God issue and the commitment I made to my wife before God." I think you have your answer right there. Realizing the commitment that you made, I think is key. Although this wasn't a huge concern for me, my wife and I did discuss this issue and we agreed that having an awareness of it was sufficient. We also both had surgery within a month of each other. So we are going through many of these changes together rather than it just happening to one of us. Granted, I am less than six months out so I am not probably the best qualified person here to speak on this topic. IMHO though, I don't worry about it too much, I made a commitment to her for better or worse, and thats that. 

I'm preop also so I can't give a definitive answer to your question; however I have given this much thought also.  I would like to say that given the opportunity I would flatly turn down any advances by other women, but when I am honest with myself...well I just don't know.  I do know that I love my wife and I'd hate to see what it would do to her and our small children.  I also agree with the above poster who doesn't want to get taken to the cleaners in a divorce (my wife isn't the forgiving type).   I've heard many people say that the weight loss effects the mind more than the body so it's difficult to say what you will or won't do when the time comes.  To quote someone from another earlier post on this board, strong marriages will survive, however if you're having troubles now WLS will not help matters.   Best of luck to you.