Man Question of the Day....

In light of the recent dust up, on appriate language....let me ask an inappriate question...just to retreive the tone of the men's board... When you were fat....and desperate....you may have made a less than desireable choice in a bed partner..... now that yo have lost weight....have you raised your standards.? Have you turned down a trist, that you would have formerly considered? Have you looked at someone and said to yourself...."I can do better than that now?" ...(married men are allowed to consider premarital partners, and assume they are again single) Russ for me yes Yes and Yes

I'll give you a chance to really label me a prude.  I got married in 1972,i.e., at the height of the sexual revolution.  Both my wife and I were virgins when we got married and we've never strayed from our marital promises.  I don't have a bad opinion of people who have had pre-marital or extra-marital sex.  I don't even express an opinion on homosexual coupling--it's just not my business.  I don't agree with any of it and it's contrary to my religion.  But, I'm a sinner too and I don't stand in judgement of anyone else.

I told my wife before I married her that she should shot me they day I stop looking at other women because I'm already dead. With that being said I have never looked  to stray (and never have) and have no interest in doing so.  Even though I haven't had the surgery yet I don't see that changing.  As I look I always find myself comparing them to my wife and realizing how lucky I am.

I'll tackle this one head on!!! In my SMO days, I never had a problem finding action.  And, I must admit that I had some pretty amazing partners due in part to my never really living the "Fat Frumpy Guy" attitude.  I will also admit that on more than one occassion I went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2! "Yeah, uh....good morning. You don't have to go home, but you CAN'T stay here!!!" I am also proud to say that I have never sacrificed my marriage vows since being lucky enough to marry my true love in this life. All that said...... Now that my physical appearance has changed so drastically in the last (almost) year, I do find myself getting a lot more sexual attention than I did before.  And although I am known to flirt like crazy, I have noticed that I tend to be a lot snottier towards some folks who would not have given me a second look in the past.  Unfortunately, I also find that I don't flirt as much with some of my "old" flirt friends.  I think this is in part due to the fact that I do indeed find myself thinking that I can "do better" than some of them but also I know that what was once innocent flirting may actually be pressed for more now. Any way you look at, YES, YES, and YES to the actual questions.

Not sure if you're interested in feedback on this from gay guys on this but I doubt if our experiences in this area are a lot different than our hetero counterparts.  I live in San Francisco, am gay,  and admittedly,  San Francisco isn't like the rest of the world in a lot of ways.  I've lived here for about 15 years - before I was fat, during my fat period, and post  WLS. In my case there is a huge change in how I respond to other guys since I've dropped the weight and rebuilt some muscle. I've noticed a big increase in the attention I get - it's increased in direct proportion to the dropping of the lbs.  The guys who approach me now are what  most people would objectively say are somewhat more attractive than those who were interested when I was obese. I can't really say how much of this is due to my just feeling better and feeling more confident in general and how much is actually due to looking better but it's probably some of both.  BTW, I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that I've somehow installed a revolving door at my house's front door.....but Christmas IS almost here.. JP

JP You mean other gay guy than Russ....the board has know I was for 3 years...it don;t bother them Russ

My standards actually went down at first, and now they are just "different." I've always been very selective, and I don't normally go for quick flings.  Part of that was necessitated by being fat, but morals and a personal preference for emotional intimacy also played a role.  Though I experienced someone long droughts, the girls I dated when I was SMO were almost universally attractive, and usually rather thin (we want what we want, no Golden Rule when it came to fat girls). If anything, "irrational exuberance" from losing weight caused me to let my guard down and became less selective, allowing myself a couple quick flings with girls I wouldn't normally consider.  They were both hot, but not marriage material, to say the least, and I couldn't tolerate either for long.  In the last couple months I refocused, seeing an opportunity to get more girls to say yes to a date and meet the "right girl" rather than just the best looking.  The last several girls I've gone on dates with were actually less attractive, on average, than those I dated when I was SMO or the two post-op flings, though they were much better for me on other criteria.  And I think that attitude helped me find a girl that I'm attracted to on every level and might be able to tolerate for more than a month (and I think she's quite pretty, though I might have passed her over if I had stuck to my looks-only standards).

I was very selective prior to my surgery, actually extremely. But, we all have had those "special friends" lol. 5 months prior to surgery I met my GF, and to be honest I can't see myself with anyone else.. nor do I care to be with anyone else (short of a few porn stars, and Jessica Simpson... But if Jessica hit on me and handed me a hotel key, I think Jen would be ok with it, as long as she could watch). I am very fortunate... BUT.. let me say... I get flirted with and hit on ALL THE TIME now. When I was in my early 20's (pre-fat) I use to get laid like twice a day sometimes... Than eventually that went away when I got married. I guess if I was single, I would be tapping lots... BUT... I don't care to be single as I love my girl... But I really can't complain about getting hit on. It does make you feel good.

hey russ,

i'm just so happy i don't have to think about this stuff! i realized something though. i think i would be terribly self conconsious. why? i still see myself as well, not fat but not perfect either. funny how i can't lose the body image thing even though i'm at weight. so if i were in the market i think i would take anyone interested in me. now i used to be a professional musician so i've been there done that. i was in great shape then and had someone different almost ever night. now i would be terrified to take off my clothes and go for it with someone new! wow, what happened to me. if i were single again i think capt. winky would be in the witness protection program. it would just scare the crap out of me to date again. so that's it, i would take anyone who showed an interest and instigated an opening. too scared to do it on my own! wow, what a confession.....carbonblob

CB, You're not kidding! 'back in the day' (besides the moral issues) the fear was VD and getting a girl pregnant...  now.. man, with all the diseases out there.. sex with the wrong person can KILL you.  I was reading an article the other day.. everyone worries about AIDS, etc.. but there's diseases you don't hear about all the time, that you can get from having sex ONE TIME.. and they're fatal. As you said , I think if I became single now, my lil buddy would be in retirement.. LOL.   Dale