OT- Do You Love Your Husband? (Re-Post)

This is a re-post from me on the main forum: * * * * * * Just wondering what married people have to say about this question ..     I read depressing stats all the time about how 1/2 of all marriages today end in divorce ..  that 50% of post-ops will divorce within a year after surgery, etc. etc.    and yet, I see so many members on here talk so lovingly about their husbands, using the abbreviation "DH" in reference to them, etc.   --  are they being facetious or sincere?    It seems the vows of "for richer or poorer .. in sickness and in health" seem to have gone out the window anymore  --  would it make a difference if your spouse were a homeless person or had a terminal illness?    Can you say with all confidence you are in love with your spouse (and 'm not speaking in terrms of financial support, satisfaction of lust, etc.) and if so, how do you KNOW?   * * * * * *      I guess this is a good place to ask:   "Do You Love Your Wife?"    

Hey Dude, I'm not scheduled for surgery until March, but my wife is 2 weeks postop.  When we both decided to look into surgery, we talked extensively about what happens after the weight comes off.  I have never (in my adult life) been anywhere near a normal weight, she has.  My wife lost 90 pounds (down to a normal weight) about 7 years ago.  During the time that she was thin she never gave me a reason to belive that she was any less faithful to me that before.  I've never, in our 12 year marriage, had someone approach me and tell me that my wife was flirting with other guys, had been seen with someone else, or presented any behavior to suggest something improper was going on.  Bottom line, she aint that type of girl regardless of her weight..and I love her immensely for it.  

Paul, I believe that you are posing two very different questions:   1. Do you love your wife?   2. Are you in love with your wife? "Do you love your wife?" is asking about an active choice: Have I made a decision to show love to my wife. This is an easy question to answer. On the day we were married 31 years ago I vowed before God and man to love and honor my wife. I did, I do, and I will. Likewise, she vowed to love and honor me, and has, does, and will.  I have never understood the meaning of "I am in love". That sounds like "I feel love at this moment", and sounds very temporal and conditional. I was once at a wedding and the groom vowed to "stay with you as long as I love you". I thought, why bother?, since feelings are very unreliable. Let me put this in the context of a military commission or enlistment. What does the officer, soldier, airman, seaman, marine pledge to do: protect and defend the U.S against all enemies home and abroad (I probably didn't get this exactly right, so please forgive me). This is a very active pledge, and is to be taken very seriously. Everyone understands that the individual is taking an obligation to service, regardless of his or her feelings. It does not depend on what the individual "feels" in a year or two - it is a commitment to serve.  That is exactly how I view love and marriage. This view does not diminish a feeling of love, lust, or whatever that you have for your wife, just as a pledge does not diminish love of country and pride in service. In fact, the "feeling" is enhanced by the commitment. So, do I love my wife? Yes, now and forever. And my feeling of love for her has grown stronger over the years. Joe

  amazing, Joe!    This is so odd ..  my dad had told me a couple of times (when mom - his second wife - was not around), "son, I wasn't in love with your mother when I married her, but I learned to love her."  I'd then wonder, "what in the he** does that mean???"  ..  I guess I just assumed all that time that a person wouldn't marry someone that they weren't head over heels in love with  --  that it is something that hits both like lightining when they meet, not some "skill" or project that is acquired or worked on like a trade or some art object over time  ..        I think I finally understand now what dad was saying, Joe, after all these years, thanks to your wise words ..   !

Thank you, Paul. Don't get me wrong - I was absolutely crazy about my wife when we got married. My most effective weight loss program (before WLS) was when my future wife went to work in Colorado for a summer. I was pretty miserable when I put her on the plane, and lost so much weight in the first 10 days afterward that my future mother-in-law had me move in with them so that she could keep me fed. lol Joe

My wife and I will celebrate our 21st Anniversary on the 20th of this month. I will be 42 in February, so we have been married about half my life now. Yup, I love her and she has stuck with me through a lot, and I by her. We are doing our part to screw up the divorce rate statistics!

----- 
Even the toughest criminals become remarkably docile 
 once separated from society by six feet of soil. 

Yep, 25 years married, and happily for 28 of them. (had to squeeze in some extra happiness, because there weren't enough years) The % numbers of divorce ratio for WLS post-ops is a bit skewed by perceptions. Checkout- Men&Divorce-related-to-WLS The topic has come up fairly often over the short time of the Men's Board And quite often on the Main Board over the past 5 years.... Best Wishes- Dx

Not sure where these stats come from.  I've never been polled in four years.  I've been happily married for 25 years.   My plan is to be happily married for at least 25 years more.  By staying healthy I shouldn't have any trouble achieving that goal. WLS gives some an opportunity to relook at themselves and their cir****tances.  If your not happy with your life prior to WLS,you may need to make changes to alter your life.  In my case it just gave me an opportunity to see how great life is really. Rob

"and yet, I see so many members on here talk so lovingly about their husbands, using the abbreviation "DH" in reference to them, etc.   --  are they being facetious or sincere?" Funny story.  I was reading over my wife's shoulder one day when she was on the computer in one of her women's forums, and I saw "DH" referenced many times.  I asked her what that meant.  She said "It stands for Dear Husband."  I replied, "Oh, I thought it meant Dick Head."  She shared that with her forum mates who all had a good laugh at that one.  To this day when I send any e-mail to my wife I sign it DH.  : p MLF

Another 25 year guy here. As said earlier I made a comment to my wife and I don't let feelings get in the way of that, because sometimes I feel like choaking the **** out of her. Just kidding! The best thing my wife and I did several years ago was to take time for our each other.  We took a week vacation away from the kids and realized that we use to like each other and why. I really think we were at a crossroads where we had been letting life get between us and were growing apart, from that point on we would have one set or the other of grandparents watch them for a week and take time for us. The only constant in life is change, same thing with love and marriage. Our realationship has and will change, just have to pay attention to the changes. Even though the kids are gone I still look forward to taking a vacation with her. Sometimes life still gets in the way and we need to reconnect.

pan head