Support Systems

Good Morning I'd like to ask the men that are post op if any of you had to go this surgery with a weak family support system. I am single and currently am not dating anyone, and my family is predominantly obese and chucks the same stale advice "You don't need surgery, All you need to do is cut back what you eat and exercise". So i'm having to face going into the actual surgery alone. Are there any men that have undergone this similar experience, or possibly enlighten me from another perspective?

I'm not in your situation, but many men have posted here in the past having the same problem.  IF we could only have cut back on what we eat and exercised more, none of us would have become obese.  Most of us have failed repeatedly.  Most insurances that do pay for WLS are doing it for patients who have tried everything else.  You can almost assure your family that you will be required to lose some weight prior to your surgery.  You can point out to them that you have tried repeatedly in the past to lose weight as well as regained the weight and become frustrated. You can show them whatever pamphlets you get about the surgery.

 

Some of your worst critics are your overweight friends and family. Your decision is forceing them to confront their own weight issues. They are not comfortable doing that so its easier to try to talk you out of your decision. When I find myself feeling out numbered and alone I do this: "I pray, and listen, and then I follow my heart".  If your heart is in the right place it will never send you down the wrong path. This plan of mine does take a certain amount of courage and it often isn't easy. But I've never had it fail. I suspect I know what your heart is telling you. Stay the course brother. A year from now you may be just the inspiration your loved ones need to confront their own obesity issues. Because of you they may very well live longer and fuller lives. And remember: you've always got us guys here on this forum. We're on your side.  

Wow, what you just said was golden.

I do know in my heart that this is the right path for me, but over the last several days I've had to couple their recent responses with the Oprah show that had all these people that lost tons of weight without surgery. It's too much for any one person to have to process.

There aren't many men in wisconsin that have undergone this process that i can gleam from, so yeah I have to appreciate this forum and all of you.

Those people on Oprah who lost all that weight without surgery are the exceptions and not the rule.  I'm impressed by their weight loss and take inspiration from them but I couldn't lose weight without the surgery.  You should realize that part of the reason for all of the hoopla on that show was to promote Oprah's efforts with Bob Greene for his lifestyle plan.  The men on this forum who have had WLS and are successful have changed their lifestyles.  They couldn't do it without the surgery.  Maybe you can do so, but you seem to have give up hope of losing without WLS. 

Don't be afraid of losing enough weight before surgery so that you might be ineligible for WLS.  If you can lose weight and keep it off without the surgery, you'll be on your way to a new lifestyle.  Remember that there are risks with any major surgery.  I was a high risk patient and survived but you should contact a bariatric surgeon and start getting more information.

Oops, my error.   I looked at your page and see that you have seen a surgeon and are already in the process of trying to get the surgery.  Continue to post here.  There are regulars who post here every day.  Join the crowd.  If you've lurked on this site, you also know that you can bring up Off Topic (OT) subjects that do not deal with WLS, nutrition, or exercise.  Sometimes we just need to get something off of our chests and let others comment about it. 

Check out the video link from my profile page. Dr. DeMaria is at Duke University and has been doing WLS surgery for over 10+ years. The video is about an hour long and it talks about the medical aspects and average success rate of WLS surgery. If will give you a lot of facts that you should know while considering this process. It will also give you good information to answer your naysayers with. There is a lot of bad infomation going around about WLS and while your family means well they really don't realize how risky living obese is on your life. Good luck on your path to the new you. We are here to help where we can. I lost 241lbs over 12 months and at 19 months out I feel great. Here is the link to Dr DeMaria's video:
Introduction by Eric DeMaria, MD 

Thanks guys

I know that after doing all I can to lose the weight it has not come of the way I need, and this is my path. And yes there are risks as with any surgery but the risks don't outweigh living morbidly obese and dealing with the co morbidies.

I am at peace with my decision and when they see the results they'll be inspired to follow suit and reclaim the health and life.

I was in the same boat with family and friends telling me that all I needed to do was this or that to lose weight.  Initialy they were very much against the surgery until I got them to attend a support group or two with me.   After they realized that I would not be swayed from not having the surgery they got behind me 100% with the exception of a few of my friends.  You'd be surprised what kinda support they will give you once they realize that you're gonna do it.

Hi and welcome to the Men's Board.

I have had good support from my immediate family and it was very helpful to me.  I did not discuss my plans with my extended family because I didn't really want their advice or suggestions.  I felt there would be more negativity than support. I have found that life requires you to set your own goals.  And, you get a chance to grow and rise above your current situation.  You can seek support in other areas. This board is a wonderful resource for support and information.  If you have questions or concerns, post them here and you will get honest and thoughtful answers from those that have gone through this experience. Good luck.