Neighborly Drama over the weekend and some legal advice...

I'll start at the very beginning regarding my clown neighbors.
I live in a semi-suburb, residential community in Baton Rouge where the houses are all zero lot line and around 1500 square feet. It is in NO WAY a "downtown type" city area. The way my house is designed (and most of the houses around me) they leave little room for parking in our driveways. I can fit my car and two others without violating any city ordinances. I might add that the city parking ordinances are only enforced if someone complains. Well, the "complainer" is my ass clown neighbor. The guy and his wife (both in their mid-50s I would presume) live across the street from me and two houses down.

If anyone's back tire is on the sidewalk IN their own driveway he's calling the cops. If someone is parked between the sidewalk and the street IN their own driveway he's calling the cops. If someone is parked in their own yard in FRONT of their own house he's calling the cops. I guess they petitioned the city council because around 6 months ago "no parking" signs were erected in front of my house extending 200 feet both ways down the street. I could understand if people were parking in his driveway or in his yard but they aren't. None of my neighbors or I have wild parties with drunken people running out in the street. Occasionally I will have friends over to watch a boxing match or a football game which 4 or 5 cars may be in MY driveway. We aren't outside making noise and we aren't bothering these people but they have the audacity to come outside, approach my guests and tell them they can't park in my driveway.

I have even attempted to approach them and tell them in advance that I will be having a few friends over to watch a game and that they will be parked in MY driveway and I would appreciate them not calling the cops. The ass clowns response. "I'm definately calling the cops." That was months ago and my first confrontation with them. I asked them how I was bothering them and of course he refused to answer with anything but "I'm calling the cops". I'm pretty sure I called her a ***** and him an asshole as I walked back to my house with his wife trailing me recording me with a tape recorder. My relationship with them has been strained to say the least ever since. They have done the same thing to every other neighbor around them and other neighbors have had similar incidents with them as well.

Well... One of my buddies that attends all my gatherings has just about enough this weekend. He parked IN my driveway between the sidewalk and the street and upon exiting his vehicle the guy immediately started yelling at him saying that he can't park there. My buddy has a very short temper so he confronted the guy (after being summoned) and a shoving match ensued. The funny thing is I think the guy thought that he was me because he summoned him by saying something to the effect of "what you got fat boy?". My buddy weighs around 165 so I would hardly consider him a 'fat boy'. I can't say what I would have done if he'd have said that to me... I digress... I went ouside shortly after the initial engagement (being sure to stay on my property) and unleashed a tirade of choice words on he and his wife. So he of course called the cops. Now based on the general attitude of the cop I could tell that he was aggravated by being called out again to some piddly bull**** from these people. They call the cops at least 2 to 3 times a week for parking violations. He issued a misdemeaner to my buddy for pushing the guy. What I find amusing is that the cop gave the ass clown neighbor a misdemeaner too because he shoved my buddy first.

So I see the guy outside yesterday. He looks over my way and I tell him, "Hey, good morning asshole!" He says nothing. I tell him that he had the wrong guy yesterday and asked him if he wanted to drop a 'fat boy' bomb on me. No anwer. Now I've lost 254 pounds but I'm still not a small dude by any means. I weigh around 215 and have been hitting the gym since around 5 - 6 weeks post-op. There's a big difference between 165 and 215.

On to my question... What are the limits of my First Amendment rights? I know that I can't threaten the guy but can I legally call him an asshole or ass clown when I see him outside. Is FU asshole over the legal line? It's a statement and my opinion that he is an assclown and an asshole.

Yeah, I know this is juvinile and I should probably take the high road and ignore him but I've reached my limit of toleration of these idiots. Short of any phychological suggestions on how I can aggravate them, dishing out a random obscenity now and then is all I can come up with.

That was quite an entertaining story.  You did answer your own question by saying that you should stay above the whole thing.  That, however, is not nearly as fun as starting **** with the guy every day. I believe that you can walk up to a cop and give him the finger and as long as you have not incited a riot or other less serious harm, you are okay.  The problem is that if this guy pushes you, it has incited something.  Not that I would give a cop the finger.  There are creative ways to write it up after he beats you with his baton.   I don't see what harm a, "hey, asshole" can do but please don't get thrown in jail because I said it was probably okay.

Actually, the free speech right of the first amendment does NOT include a right to utter what the Court has deemed "Fighting Words."  This term refers to both pure speech, ie the spoken word, and speech plus, words plus actions, such as insults and threatening gestures.  Words which are intended to provoke an ilegal result are banned if the potentially illegal result is likely or imminent.  In Chaplinksy v New Hampshire, a 1941 case, the Court held that a man who uttered derogatory and defamatory words in order to provoke a fight did not have the right to do so under the first amendment.  This is similar to the rule restricting  spee*****ir****tances such as untruthfully yelling "fire" in a theater to provoke a panic.  This has been later expanded in hate speech cases like Virginia v Black, which allows the government to ban speech which constitutes a "true threat."  When dealing with such situations, you must be extremely cautious about your actions.  Anything which you do which is harrassing or threatening, even if provoked, can still be used as evidence against you in either a civil or criminal action.  Someone in such a situation should definitely take the high road and stay above it.  Perhaps a better approach would be to work through local government, your city council and the police department, to get any overly restrictive parking ordinances or signage removed, and to try to establish an "understanding" between the police, yourself and your neighbors, and the offending party which everyone can live with.  Does you police department have any community policing, community liason, or omsbudsman programs which could help you? It certainly is unfortunate that one individual can be disruptive to the lives of  an entire block or neighborhood.  Its possible that such an individual has other issues going on, like a mental illness such as a paranoid dilusional disorder.

Yeah, like I said.

I too have wondered about the things you mention because there is so much to be said for instant gratification. What the guy is is a bully. And bullys have to be dealt with on their level. As junvinile as it sounds (and is) I think its time to take the low road. Harass that ******* at every opportunity and see if you're neighbors will help you out. Make those *****s think twice before they pick up the phone or come out of the house. Maybe they'll give up and move. Just don't touch him!     This advice should probably be ignored but good luck anyway. I feel for ya. I went through a similar situation for awhile. I finally took the low road and things very slowly improved. Not sure if it was Providence or the fact that I took the low road. I suspect the former but can't be sure.  

Hmmm... I wonder if I would be in violation if I said something to the effect of:

"Good morning! It is my opinion that you are a asshole!"

Heh heh. I have the right to my opinion. That shouldn't be in violation of any words and I'm not trying to provoke a fight. Although, if he was foolish enough to take a swing at me I could try to put his ass in a triangle or get some "out of the ring" boxing training. The only training I've had for the past year has been in the ring so that would be a refreshing change of scenery.

Of course I've not seen what he looks like but after viewing your photo I sure would like to be there to watch what would happen next if he did swing. Alas, life is not that easy. However I should warn you that in the public classroom (I teach metal shop and deal with some real round heads on occasion) we are warned that we can only defend ourself up to the point that the threat to our person has been removed. Beyond that we are in violation. A thin line indeed.

Gosh...great story! 40 years ago, I'd 'a smacked him; 30 years ago, same; 20 years ago, same and maybe even 10 years ago yup, I'd 'a clouted him and then done my time. That said, as I approach 60, my own thoughts are that fighting is a young man's pastime....I'd try to find some other way to fight back. I'd check my local bylaws and ordinances, and see if you could find an infraction that he has (that you don't of course) and call the cops or bylaw officers on him? Maybe his air conditioner is on the wrong side of the house (can't be on same side as the gas meter up here)? Maybe he has a clothes line and they're not allowed? Maybe he needs to be signed up for some porn magazines delivered directly to his door? Maybe he needs taxis and pizzas and the like sent to his house at 4:00 am? Maybe he needs a local "escort" sent there too. Maybe he needs a ton of sheep manure dumped in his driveway by the local supply house when he's away at work? Maybe....well, you get my drift. If you can't "beat" on him anymore, find another way.....satisfaction comes in many sizes and forms! :-) Jim

Hey!  You can have a LOT of fun with this...... as this ****sucker seems to get his panties in a bunch pretty easily   Smear some dog **** on his car door handles and shove a  potato up his tailpipe.  Order pizzas and strippers to come over to his  house.  Take out  a personal add in their names, saying that you like to watch yer old lady get nailed   Call the utilities, and get their gas, water, and electric turned off when they are out of town - makes for a stinky fridge on their return! Pour a bag of concrete down their sewer cleanout!  Pour rock salt into the shape of a big "FUCK YOU" on their lawn. You can have ALL sorts of innocent fun with this!

Sorry, I'm ruling against you (think of me as Judge Judy).  When you moved in you knew about the C C & Rs.  Once or twice is no big deal.  Several times shows a continued disregard for them.  I am not saying this man is an angel.  He probably is a jerk (with too much time on his hands).  I am thinking of the legal term "Quiet enjoyment" which I believed you are entitled to.  To quietly enjoy your property without being disturbed or intruded on too much (landlord vs. tenants).  The thing is he is entitled to quiet enjoy his property also.  He is following the law and you're not (I believe).  One of you will probably have to move, sorry to say (this is usually not a kiss and make up situation [or even talk it out]).  Later, Brian