Did you have a "Moment of Clarity?"

"Well yeah. I was just sitting here, eating my muffin, drinking my coffee, when I had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity." I was thinking about this quote from Pulp Fiction the other night in my support group. I didn't bring up this question there, but I may at some point, I'm interested to get some answers here though. Did you have a moment in your life where you knew you had to have this surgery? Where you knew you had to do something about your weight? Health related? Personal? For me it was March of 2006. I was starting my current job in a couple of weeks and was dropping my kid off at her day care. I was dressed up as it was my day to visit Human Resources, fill out a ton of paperwork and get my picture ID done. I was feeling pretty good about myself as I had cleaned up fairly nicely and was wearing a suit coat for the first time in months (I had quit my previous job to help raise my girls for a spell). As I was dropping my daughter off I heard a couple of kids making fun of how big I was. I never heard exactly what they said but I heard "big fat guy" enough in my life to know when it was said. And I lost it.  I tore away from my daughter and started screaming at these kids. I demanded they get down from a jungle gym so I can yell at them some more about how dare they say things to adults and who are they to make fun of people who were different and on and on and I even grabbed one of the kids by the coat as I was in his face. I was WAY the hell out of line. It seemed like a bunch of anger had welled to the surface and these kids were the catalyst for making me explode. I was so embarassed. I received (ahem) a curt notice from the principal that if I ever did anything like that again my kid would be kicked out and they would persue charges. And I knew.  I knew I had to do something or it was just going to get worse. I was going to get progressively angrier with myself and the world. I was going to be my daughter's fat daddy and she was going to have to defend me and she was going to have to go through her own s--t anyway. I didnt want her to be embarassed of how I looked and acted. One month later I'm at my surgeons intro presentation. Three months later I'm under the knife. A year and a half later and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. This is hard to write as I had a million and one reasons to persue the surgery, but it took this one event to solidify it all.

I didn't have a singular "light bulb going on" moment, I think it was a few different things for me. For one, my younger boy is a senior in high school this year. He has a wonderful girlfriend, and I had started thinking about the possibilities of grandkids in the fairly near future. (well, hopefully not TOO near, but 5 to 7 years out maybe) I realized I would sure love to be around long enough to see/spoil them. My own dad died at 52 from a heart attack. He never got to see any of his grandkids. (I had just graduated high school when he died) That is the other thing that made me think. I will be 42 in Februaury, I wanna be around more than another 10 years. I think for me it was those sorts of thoughts all rolling around in my head that made me decide it was time to take charge and make something happen before it was too late.

----- 
Even the toughest criminals become remarkably docile 
 once separated from society by six feet of soil. 

I can say that I had my fair share of moments of clarity.

Let's see... Snapping my toilet seat in half and breaking 3 seperate computer chairs (plastic wheeled legs). Not being able to bend over and tie my shoes. Ordering multiple sets of food from restaurants to satisfy my addiction with food.

I guess the biggest one would be having to be told in front of 100+ people at Six Flags that I had to get out of the roller coaster seat because the seat belt wouldn't fit and that I was too fat to ride. The shame that I endured as they had to stop the ride and get some tool out to manually release my section of carts so the lap bar would lift was embarrasing to say the least.

I fully realized before the surgery that if I didn't do something drastic like RNY that I would be dead within 10 years from being morbidly obese.

And similar to you, twenty months later and a grown fat man less in weight (254 pounds lost) I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in my life.

 speaking of toilet seats, anyone want a hand-me-down "Big John" toilet seat?  it's white and only been used a couple of years!    &:-D)    It will be with great pleasure that I remove BJ and put a normal-sized seat back on my john, sometime in the near future!   WHAT A FART THAT WILL BE ...

Hi Dan,

As soon as I found out it was available, that it worked and that I could afford it!

-moment of clarity

Dave

Dan, Thanks for sharing. My moment of clarity.   The one I remember best is leaving work one evening and walking up the hill of the parking lot.   Even though my car was less than a block from the building, I had to stop five to six times before I got to the car.  Two people asked if I was o.k. and of course I told them that I had twisted my ankle, not wanting them to know that I was probably minutes from a serious problem.  When I got to the car, I sat for at least twenty minutes prior to starting it up and driving home.  It convinced me that I needed to make a drastic change to if I wanted to see my 50th birthday.  Over the next nine months, I got educated on the RNY and finally had my operation on Oct. 2003.  Over the past four years, I have achieved more than I could ever have envisioned, and I'm happy and ready to take on the world. Rob

Dan,

I can definitely relate to the anger you felt, and yes that is part-and-parcel of the whole "obesity package" - it comes partially from our mistreatment by other members of society.  In many ways, it is natural to be angry at being mistreated and abused, even if it is by a couple of kids.  What kind of sh*t are they learning at home? But at the same time I think your incident at the school raises a bit of a conundrum.  On one hand, you may have overreacted in a way that jeopardized your own freedom - not good. On the other, I feel a bit of a "twinge" that society today is supposedly all about "sensitivity" and "tolerance" and yet there was little concern about the behavior of the "darlings" on the jungle jim.  

Imagine instead they had been using racial slurs (e.g., the "N-word") against a black man.  Do you think the school would have threatened to bring charges (bet ya 5-bucks NO)?  And BTW, so you got a bit testy, is that a good reason to throw YOUR KID out of school?  We live in a society when getting angry by CERTAIN PEOPLE is not tolerated because hey, you could be the next "Una-Bomber" right? (extreme sarcasm).  When we were kids, the principal could paddle my a*s for misbehaving like that, and when I got home, I would have received even more.

Herein lies the conundrum:  on one hand, obesity adversely affects one’s social interactions, economic opportunities, and most importantly, health.  On the other, I have experienced an attitude, even by health care providers, that I must "bow down" as the penitent fatty and lick the boots of the "man."  To be subjected to such indignity has, at least in my case, served to keep me fat - perhaps a bit of rebellion.  Yet I do so at the risk of my own health and sanity.  

You are fortunate that your bariatric team didn't find out about the school incident.  I was severely mistreated by one bariatric clinic (jerked around for 3 months, long story), and when I had the nerve to stand-up for myself was told I was argumentative and had "anger issues" - BANG, no surgery.  BTW, if anyone's interested, my "anger issues" did not involve terroristic threats, physical violence, or even obscenity - I just know how to make my case, and there's nothing that the idiots hate more than a smart confident fat man.

On a more positive note, I am very, very happy that you were able to get the treatment you needed and that it made such a tremendous difference in your life.  I have had several "moments of clarity" myself - many of which have already been ably outlined here already by others.  But I would just like to say, don't ever be "ashamed" for having been obese.  You were still a human being then as you are now Dan.  And as such, you were and are entitled to basic human dignity and respect - as are we all.

Regards.

Yes every time I tried to wipe my rear after a trip to the toilet

Yeah, doesn't that SUCK?!

In the medical world they call it the T/REX  syndrom  or as most poeple would understand it  little arms big body