Quick Poll Re: Singles & WLS

 O.K.   although I got several replies to my earlier post (and thanks everyone for same), nobody addressed my question at the end:   Question (out of curiosity):  were you single at the time of your surgery, and are you still so today?   If you met someone later, how long after your surgery?   

yep, single when done and still single. Guess the years of bad self esteem from my weight has not gone away with the pounds. Plus it's been awhile since I was divorced and done any dating. I guess I would be clueless if a woman did show interest in me unless she came right out and asked me out. lol

Single at WLS, nearly 8 months later I've dated a couple girls recently but am not in a serious relationship, so I guess I still qualify as "single" by your count.  Women are different, look for different things (I'm hardly the first out of the gate with this observation).   I think for women extra weight is a hinderence to them being interested in dating a guy, but not the end-all it can be for most guys.  Conversely, being thin(ner) and attractive does not guarantee a guy dates, or at least to a much lesser degree than it does an attractive petite woman, who usually will be constantly asked out regardless of how good or awful her personality is. I have (almost) always been outgoing and comfortable around women, having yo-yod in and out of "reasonable weights" my whole life.  Even at 375 I was able to find women who met my (moderately high) standards who would date me, though admittedly I had to get to know them a bit better so they could warm up to the idea.  I also experienced gaps of well over a year a couple times, but consistent effort plus a reasonable nonchalance to rejection yielded results. (I was fortunate to have a painful lesson years ago, where I learned that while rejection sucks, finding out later that you missed your window with a girl you loved who felt the same and just needed you to ask, that hurts a lot more.)  Now that I'm thinner and bring that same skill set to the table, I've noticed a notable uptick in interest among the women I already knew, and I've recently had two attactive women literally willing to go home with me the evening we met.  Obviously that wasn't going to happen at 375, and (less obviously) these probably aren't the same women (or type) I'd have gotten to date me at 375.  Also, strategies change a bit.  At 350+ I almost always had to go the friend route and make a well-timed attempt to woo her later; in the 220s, it's increasingly the case that doing so would actually reduce my chances with a girl rather than just asking her out rather quickly once she likes me. My point is my lower weight may have added a few more opportunities and made some difference on time frame, but it was my mostly other qualities which answered the larger "can I get women" question.  (And while the opportunity for same-night affection is flattering, it's not really my game, nor my ultimate goal.) I say this not to discourage you, but to encourage you in the right direction.  There may have been personality traits you developed while obese which made it even less likely you'd get women.  Some of how you intereact with women is "who you are," some of it is not, or need not be.  Don't assume being thinner addresses the issues of how you interact with women, your experience level in dealing with them, shyness, etc.  This is all fixable stuff, but it may take effort and patience.  I'm sorry if this post sounds pedantic, but I thought it was what you were looking for.

I was single at the time of surgery and have met a few women after.  The first was a huge "score".  She was a young hottie who ended up being a little crazy.  "Meeting",  her made me realize that I could change my standard a little.  That fling was about 6-8 months after surgery.  I met my current girlfriend about 19 months after surgery.  That was enough time for me to thinking straight.   I would not advise anyone getting into anything too soon.  I think that it we all need some time to get our heads sorted out after losing weight.  It takes a while and the whole weight loss thing is enough to think about.

Single at time of surgery, and at 8 months out (today), had my first date last night.   Went very well, but I've lost 225 and am very self-concious about the extra skin issue.   There is definitely a physical attraction there, so it will be "interesting" to see how I handle the body image issues when it gets to that. But - i started back to therapy last month do deal with all the self-image/body-image issues that have come up for me since surgery, and it's helping alot...   Yes- REAL MEN do have WLS, and we all have REAL issues to deal with when our compulsive coping mechanism is taken away (eating)........     Good luck guys....   It's a wild ride - but, damn it's fun!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chuck

Went very well, but I've lost 225 and am very self-concious about the extra skin issue.      This issue came up at the OH Men's breakout group in S.A. ..   Although we seemed to agree that this is yet another reason to tell a prospect about your WLS early on, this might not be a problem anyway if you leave the lights off!    &:-D)

I'm single going into WLS   my social life has been dead as I have gained weight to my 380 lbs.  This  is one reason I am having the WLS.  I already have started a PS fund  (500 a month) for the skin issues a couple years down the road.   I go to my PCP in the am to find out if he will clear me for the surgury.  My fasting Blood Sugar has been around 200 and hope he will clear it.   Back to your question  I think self esteem will grow and with that I/ we will be more attractive to the fairer sex.