Real Men Don't Do WLS (Support Groups)

Note:  the following post was originally posted on the main forum.  I'm re-posting it here for those OH members that didn't see that one.    I say that, not as a statement of fact, but rather wishing to stimulate some conversation on the subject, hoping to discover what is going on in that regard.   I make that remark based on the following personal experiences and observations since my own surgery:

  1.  Earlier this year I attended my first local support group meeting for patients of my type of WLS, and out of the eight members present I was the only male there;

  2.  Yesterday I attended my first local WLS (in general) support group meeting, and, again, out of the eight members present there, I was the lone male.  A check of the roster of some 25 members of the group revealed that, further, I was the only male in same;

  3.   Two months ago I attended the OH regional conference in San Antonio.  Out of 100s of attendees, I saw relatively few other Ms there, and after talking to several of the guys it became apparent that they seemed to be mostly spouses, boyfriends, family members or other support people of ladies that had or were thinking about having WLS.  At Ramon and Bo's mens' breakout group on the last day of the conference, only ONE other WLS patient showed for same other than myself.!

  4.  The "lab rat chart" on OH has very few M "rats" on same (last time I checked, which was over a year ago);

  5.  Prior to finding OH, out of the various persons I had met in reali life that had WLS, only 2 were M and they were both spouses of WLS patients who had their surgery around the same time as their spouses and at their urgings (one of the husbands didn't even seem heavy enough for WLS, IMHO);


     What in the world is going on here???   A review of the OH membership roster seems to show the much greater majority of WLS  patients are indeed female, but it's really astonishing how much apathy or disinterest (loathing?) males seem to have when it comes to attending or taking part in any sort of support functions after they do have WLS.  
     
     Is it considered "macho" somehow to be or remain MO or even SO in America?   Are guys not supposed to feel a need for support or guidance by their peers after WLS?  I recall how one member of the Texas forum recently lamented in her post how it is "acceptable" so to speak for a M to be overweight or MO in our society, but not females.  I've run across the proclamation of that curious double standard as well, before, from others.   Is that REALLY the case?

    &:-)    Paul 

My local support group is probably 70/30 women and the leader is a man.  We have a very diverse group partly because there are no surgeons in our area and the closest are about an hour away.  Our group consists of patients from a lot of surgeons.   I would go every month if I could but I work second shift which makes it tough.  What I really need to do is start going to OA because I am a bonified food addict.  Again the schedule makes it impractical at best. I can say that I need support and here in Southeastern Connecticut it seems that men don't mind going. 

I found support group useful.  Yes as a male I was a minority but that is changing in the grand scheme of those having the surgery.  I don't get offended or put-off by gender and participate in the conversations.  I benefited by learning that 60 gms of protein was the minimum and not the target for intake and number of other related finer points that I over-looked or didn't let soak in pre-op.  The group I was going too was 1 hr north of my home and became tedious to attend and then the dynamics of the group and the facilitator changed.  Then my scheduled changed such that attending became very infrequent.  The Men's board on OH was my support group for quite a period there that supplemented most excellently.  Than I was asked to lead a loal support group that is a diverse bunch as Scott talked about in his area; no surgeons in an hour of this location.  I find that preparing fo rmeetings and trying to be helpful and informative, uplifting and inspiring a big help for me as I try to be beneficial for those that attend our group.  So I'm going with the ole cliche, you get out of it what you put into it.  Contibute where ever you wind up but associating with others that have been where we're going is beneficial.  Helping those that have questions and are about to go where we've been is a great way to help others. And that what support groups are all about.

It's probably close to 80% women / 20% men in my support group.

One trend I have seen over the last year is the amount of gastric sleve patients to RNY patients though. I'd say that it's roughly 80% sleeve / 20% RNY in the support groups now. I know my doctor still does RNY but they he's doing a LOT more sleeves now.

I go to a group at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago once a month. Out of 30 or so patients, there are only 3 men. I don't mind, though. If men want to think that they can handle it on their own, go right ahead. I don't mind spending a night gossiping with the ladies. Eric

Hello, We have had this discussion in various forms over the past couple of years....If a guy wants to be a part...then they need to contribute...that is a partical of the discussion from before....if a guy feels out of place....then he needs to bring topics to the discussion that are important to him...hand outs articles.... But I think, men are just not as needy as women,,,,we can hammer our way through a problem, where the women have to have a pow wow, and {{{Hugggzzzz}}}} We are a tremendous support system here, but things just get streamlined without the...Do my bat wings show in this shirt..posts... We do have an all male group in Houston....it's pretty neat...but the chicks wanna sabatoage it... Just the way someone with ovaries will crab about his post... russ

Hi Russ, I agree wit you man! I find the support here in the locker room to be very satisfactory to me, even though I spend more time lurking than talking lately. However, I seem to be a big (but getting smaller) support for many ladies that are getting the surgery done since they have seen the results in my life from the RNY.  Funny thing, the women I talk to really like the no-BS approach that I, and most men who have had wls surgery, bring to the table instead of the warm-fuzzy huggy stuff that they seem to crave when they meet other women.  Who knows (or cares) I guess. I cannot seem to get a men's group together in the small town I live in.  Afterall in this part of Los Angeles County there are only 4.6 million inhabitants.LOL

Two stats...I may be wrong on these.  12% men have WLS, 88% women.  Men speak an average of 7,000 words a day, women 22,000.  Men tend to get right to the point and take on a task, (that's why we're bad at pulling over and asking for directions).  Also we were taught very early to suck it up and take it like a man!!  Too bad diabetes and heart conditions are no respecter of gender.  Brian

Paul,

Here is what I noticed about WLS meetings. Most WLS women are the ******** women on the planet. Their weight loss seems to send their sex drive to the moon…… So here is what happens… you go to the WLS meeting….. and after a few meetings…. some smoking hot married lady confides in you  tells you she just can’t get enough….She just wants to talk to you after the meeting  and maybe have coffee…. as friends. This is NOT a good proposition for a married man…like myself. I just stay away from the temptation.  When I was going to meetings I saw a lot of divorces…..and indiscriminate hook ups. Personally, I think I would be playing with fire if went to meeting and became “friends” the WLS ladies. Too many wild hormones on both sides. I hope this helps

  hhhh  I see your point, John ..    ;-)     Hmmmm  and that revelation creates a problem for me  ..  the leader of our local WLS group is a smokin' 40 y.o. blonde (IMHO) now at goal weight, but she's been married to a hunky dude for many years ..  (another plus - no kids!) ..   I did find out she has a twin sister though, who has supposedly not agreed to have the surgery herself (no idea what she weighs now) ..   query:   how do I go about finding out if she's single?   &:-x)        &:-)   Paul