Regrets?

So since my surgery date is now set, it seems to have suddenly triggered concern among some of my friends. I believe they thought I wasn't serious about this or wouldn't go through with it, but now it is clear that I am and they are feeling the need to save me from my "mistake". Now let me say, that I am not upset with any of them, but I do have to scratch my head when they start. Do they think I have done zero research on this? How much research have they done? I try to educate them, and I have cited this site more than a few times as a source of information and support. One person in particular is worried that I will regret it after it is done. His thought is that I cant stay on a diet how in the world can I live like this after the surgery is done, that I will never be happy again if I cannot eat the way I do now. I have tried to explain that this tool is going to help me where I have failed before. He says he just cant believe there are not people that regret their decision, and that this board is not the place to get a realistic snapshot of what it is like. Actually this did make me a little mad. Who is better qualified to talk to than those that have been through it. I must say I have actually asked my doctor if any of his patients that have had WLS have been unhappy with their decision. He says he does have one RNY and one Lapbander that "regret" there decision but he believes that their weight problems were extentions of much more serious emotional issues, that were not being addressed. My theory is that we dont see those posting here that they regret what they have done because this is in effect a support group and those that come here have addressed or are taking an active role in addressing those emotional issues that so many of us have. I guess, I am rambling, but do you see it that way? Is the very fact that I read these boards almost daily preparing me somewhat emotionaly for what I am about to go through? I really believe it is but I have not crossed over the bridge like so many of you. Very interested in hearing your thoughts, Troy

I am just days away from my surgery and I can only offer what I have found and experienced thus far.  If your friend is truly a friend rather than telling you how much you are going to regret it, I would think he or they would be offering cautious optimism.  He or anyone whom judges this procedure is less educated and usually do not face your unique problems related to weight.  I find them to be the "Why don't you just go on a diet?" crowd.   Only you know why you are doing this.  There are good and bad sides to everything.  I believe also that they are looking at this as you will be on baby food forever which is not the case.   If you want to look for someone who has regret you would find a greater number of those with regret in the cemetery, the nursing home, bed ridden or watching life pass them by because physical activtiy grows increasingly more difficult and surgery was not a choice they made.  I guess  what I am trying to say is have your friend carry any extra 100#s around for a couple of weeks and then ask them if they would be so willing to offer such staunch criticism.   Would anyone you know be willing to give up 20 years of their lives just so they can avoid dietary changes.  As far as mortality risks, your are 100% more likely to die early as a result of obesity versus less than 1% as a result of surgery from a qualified facility.   Most of the fatalities I have researched thus far are a result of complications due to obesity not he surgery itself.     It is funny I have never heard anyone tell someone who is sick "Why dont you just quit smoking you'll be fine"  "You know if you just quit drinking or cut back you would not be an alchoholic"  Rarely does any disease recieve such scrutiny and lack of empathy as obesity.  It is looked as a self indulgent lack of disipline and slovenly habits.  We have one of the seven deadly sins as they say.  Pigs, slobs fatso, lazy,  tubby, big guy, all titles obese people have achieved behind the scenes.    Other diseases or imperfections can remain hidden, ours is as obvious as a bill board and so greatly judged.   I have lost count how many times I have heard "why don't you just go on a diet as if obesitity is just about skipping dessert.  You have a disease face, accept it, and deal with it.   Go on a diet if you want, really work at it, forever,  because what caused your obesity will never go away.  The surgery is not a cure it is a tool to help you forever and you can either use the tool or not but your obesity will always be there unless you change what caused it.   I wish you well and hope your decision brings you health and peace which ever direction you take.  As for me on Wed the tenth I go under the knife.  Perhaps you could say a little prayer for me that I learn from my mistakes, I value myself and what God has given me, and that I never give such a long winded response again.  

No regrets life is better.

No regrets! I had the opportunity to experience life a whole lot better. I even jumped out of an airplane!

Hi Troy,
My wife and I are active in our local support group and we have never,in over two years,met someone *****greted having the surgery(we had RnY bypass). I know your friends mean well they should understand it's your decision and accept that. Sounds like you've done your homework,good luck to you.
John Stewart

Hello My texas Brother.. What a great post, and eloquently worded...so I will spare you the automatic reple of..my only regret is not haiving this surgery 20 years ago People who have never been there, don;t realize, I couls only regret not being a glutton... if that makes any sense...at 2 1/2 years out...this tool, reminds me ...sometimes forcefully, not to be a gluton...I can eat 3 bites of cake...not 3 slices and for me, that reminder is greatly out weghed by the additional benifits...activitiy, health, now there was a strong learning curve at the begining, but i'm ok now you know it's strange...i have made good choices all my life...right house, right carreer, reight investments...but I could not make the right food or exercise choices, untill i got this tool...I think without the reminder...i would still make bad choices... great post...great responses so far... Russ

I only know what I read. It apears most go through a period of regret after about  two weeks. Its seems more fustration that actual regret , it seems to comes from a lack of ability to eat solid foods yet. It does pass quickly

Troy , I have seen some post where others, a very high majority being women, seem to have regrets about losing a good “friend”. I believe they viewed food as comfort friend that helped then through the rough points in their lives. In this case they have to suddenly develop a new coping system to deal with their stress, depression, anger, etc. and its like forming a new friend after a long time companion suddenly dies.

For myself , I was a glutton with limited control over stopping at a normal portion, and the extra weight I carried was limited my life an little bit at a time with each extra portion I consumed. Now after a RnY, I have a safety belt on my greediness, and as a result I have lost weight, and the lost weight opened up a whole world to me to be over indulgent in other constructive or at least exciting ways. Thats my view and the others on the baord experiences or feelings may be different.

I'm down 200 lbs in a year and have no regrets, and a lot more constructive options to choose from when I want to express myself.

Herb

Troy, I think your head is in the right place.  You sound rational and informed.  I am awaiting a date and have had some of the same reactions.  In my opinion, each individual's journey is unique.  Only you can judge if you are ready to change your life and to what extent.  I believe that family and friends many times will voice a negative opinion when what they are really saying is we love you , we don't want to see your in pain or struggle, and we (family & friends) are afraid.  I also know if your family and friends are like mine it comes out of their mouths without thinking of the impact it might have on you.  Could they say it differently - Yes! do they know how to do that - I am not always so sure.  One takes a tender considerate approach the other just puts it out there without regard for feelings.   What they may not be considering is that you may be viewing life from a very different perspective.  That you may want to be happier and healthier. Here is some of what I have heard that has let me understand that they are scared about the outcome, have not take the time to get more Information - What do you want to do that for - all you need to do is cut back. - It seems so drastic be careful this is not safe - If you can't do it on your own what makes you think this will help? - I hope you don't loose too much weight. - What if you just can't stop loosing - how do you stop.  I am also pre-op.  I have finished all of the testing and an awaiting a date.  I know what I  to life the second half of my life healthy.  I too jump on the site on a daily basis.  It is helpful to be able to read, chat and research.  Hope this is helpful. Doug   

I don't have any regrets.  I feel better, look better, and I feel better.  That was why I did it, and I had lots of support from everyone I know.  The only person that tried to talk me out of it was my mother.  I educated her as best I could.  She was worried right up to the surgery, and now I think she is the happiest that I got it done.  She is even talking to her brother (My Uncle) about him pursuing the path.  He has already made an appt for a consult.

I wish you the best of luck.  Make sure that you let everyone know that questions this that----

1)  In the next 5 years having a BMI over 40, you have a 50% of having a serious health problem related to the excess weight.

2) By having RNY now, you only have a .07% chance. The decision was easy for me. Kevin