Coping with Losing

After 8 months of no's I finally recieved a yes and I am now scheduled for hand assisted RNY.  What a relief.  I am exicited and worried at the same time.  It is frustrating to look at myself and say I am doing this for myself and family yet I did not take successful steps to prevent the need.  Maybe I am being to hard on myself.  It really bothers me should something happen to me my children will return to moms full time my wife will be with out a husband and my children will lose contact with her.  Wow I should be a motivational speaker.   I thought for a bit if something should go wrong what do I want to say to my family and how.  I started to type a letter and two lines in I was as emotinal as when Jim Brown got shot in "The Dirty Dozen".  Seriously though I questioned my sanity.  I know why, I know how and I know what will happen if I don't but right now I am feeling a little weak in the knees.  Surgery is in two weeks and I would like to relax  a bit before hand.  Anyway just logging in that I will be a big loser soon but I am a bit apprehensive at this point.

Davo, I don't have to tell you that most of us are at the point were we either had to have this surgery or we will meet and untimely death. It's true there is a risk by having the surgery, but you already know the risk to not have it is even greater. Sometimes it doesn't go as planned ( see Bob M.'s story), but for the most part read all the success stories here on the Men's board and you'll see you made the right decision. Best of luck on your journey and I hope everything goes alright.     Dan

Don't worry, very few people have any major problems. That said, I outright encouraged Bob McQ. to have the surgery. Chances are you (and still he) will be happier and healthier because of it.

I wasn't about to die when I had the surgery, I just wanted to look good and feel good. I'm thanking the heavens every day for the surgery when I go out and run sprints, practice running technque or a when young babe gives me a flirtacious smile.

But you're right your chances of spending a lot longer time here on the planet with your family are increased. Go for it. You should relax.

Dave

Fear of death wasn't high on my list of worries before surgery. A fair amount of guilt. Sporadic instances where I felt weepy. Hopefulness. Rage. My advice would be to let the emotions come and go and then focus on your recovery. It takes a little while to adjust, but things will return to "normal" fairly quickly after the surgery. You're just going to have a new definition of normal. Enjoy!

When going through my phsych eval I was told I was independent and did not ask for help. I guess that is true but I do apreciate the responses. Wish I had a cheesecake right now funny how food evolved into a friend, a reward, the subject of socializing, stress remedy, and the single greatest struggle I have enjoyed but can no longer afford to lose.

After WE (my wife) decided this was what was best for our family I never looked back. My emotional roller coaster was the first month after.It will all pass. God Bless You

I think most of us in some way go through these same thought processes and emotions...and we should as this is a serious and life changing decision that not only effects the patient, but everyone around them too.  To have these thoughts and these worries show that your priorities are in the right place. For me I had to decide between the fear of living my life super-morbidly obese  or the  fear of dying on  the operating table.  While I'll never know for sure, I feared the risk of dying was greater without the surgery than with it. Only you can make the final decision as to what's right for you. Cards Fan loseSMART!  loseSTRONG!

Hey, as people have said previously, the chances of death are greater from NOT having the surgery than coming along during the surgery. If you really have concerns maybe ask your surgeon his mortality rate. Most experienced surgeons will say "I've never lost a patient" or "I've lost 1 or 2" Luckily my surgeon was 0 but than again think of the risks. We are/were overweight which makes surgery even more risky. BUT the average death rate for RNY surgery is something like 1 out of every 200 so it is very low and usually that 1 has other issues like diabetes or high bp or bother. I think you should just let the emotions roll and talk to your family about it but than again, when I had mine I did not even think about that but I don't have kids or a wife either so I know that makes things harder. Just relax, breath, or do what I did. Wor****il the day before surgery to keep your mind from wondering to the "what ifs" and just go for the ride. You will be a loser soon enough here on OH!!! Congrats on the surgery approval!!!

Davo,

I understand exactly what you mean, and have went thru the same stuff the last few days/weeks.  I finally got approved myself a couple of weeks ago, (just waiting on date), and the reality is really hitting home.

As others said, I've gone from weepy scared (hard for a big guy to admit) to actual fist pounding rage at myself for putting myself in this position.  It's an emotional thing.  I've tried to be all logical about it, and it doesn't work.  So, as someone told me...... 'plan for the best, be prepared for the worst'.  I am planning for a wonderful future, free of the weight that holds me back.  I'm planning a return to things I used to do, places I used to go, job changes, vacation possibilities, etc.. (sky diving anyone?) On the other hand.. I've been doing a lot of soul searching.  Talking to God, my wife, making sure there's nothing  left unsaid.  Made sure the 'just in case' stuff is up to date... bills taken care of, wife knows bill payment schedule, life insurance is ok, contact numbers for insurance, human resource dept, etc. That's all we can do... plan for the best, be prepared for the worst.  To me tho, the benefits FAR outweigh (lil pun there) the risks...  I keep asking my self... how many 600 pound old men do you KNOW? or... 500, 400.... even... not many.   It's about what 'might' happen vs what 'will' happen if I don't lose the weight. Dale

"sky diving anyone?"
Yes, almost definitely.  I started at 375, and today I weigh 240.  When I get below 200, I think I might celebrate by sky diving. As for the OP's worries, I didn't really have many.  Girlfriend's have criticized me as being a bit cold/calculating, and I am a natural risk taker.  I admit that it was probably easier because I am a single adult who doesn't have a wife or children depending on me.  But for me it was an obvious "good gamble," the risks were acceptable and the benefits very high, so I just said yes and accepted the outcome.  And the outcome, so far, has been pretty sweet.