Guys, Divorce, give me the straight skinny

GoingMobile
on 7/27/07 12:02 pm - San Dimas, CA

I read on the main board what an rollercoaster their relationships are post-op. Clearly there are studies adn proof that post-op WLS divorce is about 20% higher than "normal" people. I have not seen iot come up in the locker room, whats the scoop? anyone get divorced post-op because of WLS related issues?

NotDave (Howyadoin?)
on 7/27/07 1:35 pm - Japan

RNY on 03/16/06

I was thin when I met my wife, then got MO, so nothing to really adjust to when I lost weight. I simply went back to my original state.

Some of the issues I've seen in posts are addiction -related, some are mood-related.

In addition, it seems that some people have "been settling for less" in terms of their relationships, due to being MO. They lose weight, become secure and self-confident and other options open up.

The above is an over-simplification, but you probably can pick on a few trends from it.

Hope none of it applies to you...

Dave

GoingMobile
on 7/27/07 2:31 pm - San Dimas, CA

VSG on 06/04/08

I have worked hard to get what we have NOT A CHANCE in hell I am giving HALF now. Not to mention we have two great kids, I would put them through that. We were high school sweethearts dated for 9 years BEFORE we got have been married for almost 15 years. Just more that I have been reading on the main board about divircesd and cheating more and more lately. Don't read about over here.

Dx E
on 7/27/07 4:38 pm - Northern, MS

RNY on 07/03/03

That "Proof" is a little skewed…. One of the guys here posted some numbers and percentages recently But I can’t remember who… …Ah, it’s in this thread- read all, but really take a look at Cameron’s reply… Unpleasantness Men & Women Post-OpWLS

This Thread also gets into why the Main board may over-report such goings on While the guys here just deal with it as it comes… Happily Married for 25 now… Grew even closer through the WLS process… And, we’re looking forward to Son in college this year, So we can have more time to just run out of town on spur of the moment vacations like we used to….. Bruce at "ThinnerSelf" did some "musings" about relationship effects of WLS some years back, But, I don’t know… He did so in the middle of his own divorce, So I take it with a grain (or tablespoon) of Salt… http://www.thinnerself.com/relationships.html The question comes up here from time to time. Here’s an older one- WLS & Marriage Men’sBoardPost My advice/thoughts? If your marriage is strong, it’ll likely get stronger, If it is coasting in a state of denial, then issues may surface that Need to be dealt with. In that case, the issues were probably always there, Just numbed by the gravity! My Real Advice? Stay of the Main Board…. It almost always makes me Crazy!! Best Wishes- Dx

Capricious; Impulsive, Semi-Predictable

David S.
on 7/29/07 1:53 am

RNY on 03/13/07

Glad to hear someone beside me CAN'T stand the MAIN board!!! My wife and I both had WLS in March of this year, and we seem to be pulling together instead of apart. We just celebrated our 9th anniversary this past week. Stories of people losing weight and leaving thier husbands/wife/kids pre-date most of the WLS we are seeing in the past few years. --Dave

Dave from AZ

(deactivated member)
on 7/27/07 9:52 pm

(deactivated member) has deleted this message.

John Hoffmann
on 7/27/07 11:40 pm - Baltimore, MD

RNY on 04/10/06

If anything, my relationship with my wife has become much stronger. She was 100% behind me with my surgery, in fact she is the one who pushed me to have it. She was by my side through the whole thing, including the complications that went with it. I have become a totallly different person, both mentally and physically, I feel so much better about myself and enjoy my life so much and it reflects on my relationship with my wife. I have so much appreciation for her and would never think of leaving her. Just my 2 cents. Good luck. John

FatManWalking
on 7/28/07 5:16 am - Deep in the Heart of, TX

RNY on 12/11/06 with

I really agree with Paul and Dx on this issue. It will apply stress on your relationship. If there are issues lurking in your relationship, they will pop up under any stress or major life change. Having been divorced about 20 years ago, and completely wiped out financially in the process, I can tell you why divorces are so expensive. It is because they are worth it. Life is too short and precious to spend in a bad relationship. It is also too long and torturous to spend in a bad relationship. Concerning kids, I didn't have any. But I see it kind of like the decision to have RNY. There are risks and consequences to NOT having it, as well as HAVING it. The same is true with kids, concerning their parents. There are consequences to kids growing up in a household with parents that should not be together, as well as divorced ones. It is a decision which needs to be made individually and very carefully. I like Dx's advice best: "Stay off the main board." JP

Sean N.
on 7/28/07 10:09 am - TX

RNY on 06/25/07

I was in the rpocess of divorce prior to the WLS. My wife is 5 5 and 110 lbs. She was not behind the WLS - we fought about it. It was not the cause. As someone stated earlier - if divorce happens after - its becasue of prior issues, not the WLS.

Sean 422/383/244
OH Certified Support Group Leader
Pasadena Support Group 2nd Monday at 6:30pm
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'This is my glock, There are many like it, but this one is MINE.' R Lee Ermey

Boner
on 7/28/07 10:41 pm - South of Boulder, CO

RNY on 07/24/05

I'm in the process of going through a divorce after 24 years and 4 children. I feel it's a little more complex than "it gets better if it was good before, worse if it was bad." Both partners have to adapt big time to the changes in the marital dynamics. In my case, I was no longer the lethargic pile I'd been for the prior 10 years or so. I've become so active in all phases of my life while she has remained her "let's just hang out and watch a movie" person. She's always been thin and never had much of an energy level. The parenting dynamics change as well as I began getting much more involved which threatened her since she was a stay at home mom. Finally, she has mentioned several times she was afraid I would find someone else since my looks have changed so drastically. Lots of problems and challenges to overcome in order make it work. Best of luck.

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