Serious topic...Anger and Weight Loss

Hey Guys There was a topic that was brought up in fun, that made me think, while I was weeding the garden…. It has to do with anger vs. forgiveness, forgiveness vs. condoning. And all of this as how it relates to weight loss… We all have issues that make us eat…we know that…and anger is a biggie… Please know that I grew up in the mountains of NC, and anger is a big part of life. They can be angry to MidEast standards.. If you want to see little Baptist women get angry, talk about how cousin Rene, jumped up to cut the wedding cake at Brenda’s Shotgun wedding, when it was Aunt Shirley’s job….This happened 40 years ago…and to this day it will end a good night at bingo… I’m just going to throw out some thoughts and questions, to test the water…. What is unforgivable? (for me, touching a child, rape, most murder) But the other transgressions how long do we hold a grudge? How much public apology is enough? How long do we stay angry? What is the scale…? Lying for money…how long do we stay angry? Showing our children, your ***** at a football game….How long? Lying to us that you got head? How long? How much apology is enough for us….will it ever be enough? Now those are the public items…. How about the private items… Infidelity, failure to keep us safe as a child, lying in a relationship? Making us look weak or stupid to get ahead in work? Making fun of us when we are fat? Daddy cheated on mom…how long do we hold that grudge? Sister married a bum…now I won’t speak to her kids….How long, do we generally give this anger control in our life? Our kid happened to be gay….how long are we angry? Do we ever think that some of these long-brewing angers, build up and cause us to anger eat? Can we forgive and still not condone? I noticed how fast there were “Drive-By Scripture Readings” on both sides of the Tammy Faye incident…for and against….and how fast the bible card was played…. For and against. I realize I have some strong anger issues, and some are sneaky….they build up, and multiply…. I don’t think it’s all about sin….we have all sinned….especially the…keep the body a temple sin….we all get a smack down on that one… Ok last question I think….DO WE REALIZE HOW MUCH ANGER AND FORGIVENESS CONTROLS OUR LIFE? OK guys….we haven’t had a serious discussion in a while…lets go…. Russ

Hi Russ,

Sorry, I can only respond to part of that.

Being in another country/ culture a lot of frustration builds up, but I have a policy of no anger in mail or posts. It never just never gets anyone anywhere and it goes against the whole concept of "support".

I often vent to/ at my wife but we've gotten to the point that we laugh at it, because we can take it for what it is...venting. I guess that's one of the benefits of a long term (12 + years together - somewhat long) relationship.

As for Tammy Faye, I could never stand the cosmetics overload. That, topped with  the sugar-sweetness just made them both seem so ingenuine. THEN...they ripped off their viewers/ supporters in the name of religion. Hey, if she can't be the target of sarcasm, no one can (except maybe Paris Hilton, but for going the other way and faking "bad"ness. Still same make-up and lap dog).

Dave

Hey Dave.... nothing was directed at you...you just got me thinking.... (about my own anger and mistrust issues) Russ

That's okay, Russ. I didn't think that it was necessarily aimed at me, but I do have my share of anger issues.

A big one for me is family members who blindly follow this or that (usually religions or political parties) and won't listen to the opinions of others, so silly cultural icons that dupe people really set me off.

Dave

Ah weight loss (or MO) and anger...there's one I missed. I remember since I was almost super strong as a child feeling like I had to flatten every kid that teased me about being fat. There was something brutally honest, though: "Tease me, I kick your a$$."

Geez, Maybe I'm the only one.....mad that dads a drunk, hide in the bottom of the bag of chips... For the the anger builds....Jerry Falwell does this....some politician says this....the teacher says blah blah blah.....boss does blah blah blah... then once I tip the balance...I could eat for days.... Russ

Sounds like you were internalizing it (literally!). No really, everyone reacts different. My family is probably too in your face to worry about being nice or polite, so less internalization. Internalization is often attempted generosity or graciousness.

I think when I was 5 or 6 I cried to my parents about being teased. Dad told me to kick ass and I did. Fortunately, I lost weight from 12 to 18 lost my reason to kick ass and was never violent to women or children.

Dave

Your question is kind of broad...so it's difficult to answer......but here's what I think. I don't think there is any sin unforgivable by God, which means that even if a mass murderer  at the end of his life repented and asked for forgiveness....I believe God would forgive him.  I also believe, that no good comes from holding onto hate/anger/resentment towards a person.  I think it literally rots your insides.....so not for the person who is forgiven, but for your own self...I think it's always wise just to let go of the past...and forgive. With that said, just because I forgive someone, does not mean I'm their new best friend or will ever allow them into my life again.  Forgiveness and having a relationship are 2 different things.  Forgivenss means that you are releasing a person's past trangressions against you.....but relationship implies you are allowing that person access into your life again...which would mean that you would have to trust them....something you may or may not be able to do.  In most cases, once someone "burns" me they are pretty much out of my life for good. In terms of parents, unless your parent is truely messed up....alcoholic or physically/sexually/mentally abusive would be in that category...I'd say try to have a relationship wtih them.....when they are dead...it's too late, and you might regret not having one.  If they cheated on  your mom..or whatever..that's between your parents..and has nothing to do with you.  You may view your mom as a saint, but you don't know the whole dynamics of their relationship.  Just because a person is forgiven, again does not mean they should be allowed back into your life...that is a privledge...not a "right".   It also means that just because a person is forgiven, it doesn't mean they shouldn't be punished by the full extent of the law.  In the case of child molesters...I'm all for lynchings or at the least mantadory castrations....I do belive strongly in capital punishment, and believe it should be a mandatory sentence for certain crimes (i.e. repeat child molesters....mass murderers).   For those of you who would say "it's not right"...God instituted capital punishment int he bible..and if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me...lol. As a side note....as for Tammy Fay,  I think  she was unfairly judged....she was never convicted of a crime, although I'm sure they investigated her....to see if they could pin anything on her.  I don't believe it's wrong for a minister to live a good life, and even an oppulant life, if thats what their ministry is paying them...as long as they aren't deciving the people and saying the money is going to fund orphanages in mexico, and instead it's going to buy them a new multimillion dollar house in an exclusive area...ehhheeemmmmm that TV evangelist will remain nameless but he likes to blow on people.   Anyway....the bible says that there is only one worthy to open the Lambs bood of life (meaning only one person that can judge if your gonna make it into heaven) and i'm not that person....so I say leave tammy alone....if anything I do believe she made it in.. Scott

This is a subject near to me, as it's something I've struggled with for years.  As a big guy, of course I had people treat me bad, and I internalized it in a wimpy way for years.. then, it exploded.  I became a very angry person, ready to fight at the drop of the hat, DARING people to mess with me.  All that anger and bitterness and unforgiveness ate at me tho.. it made me a person not easy to be around.   For me the turnaround came when I got back into church a couple years ago.  Thru a lot of prayer, and patience from my family, I had to learn to forgive the people who had hurt me and betrayed me.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.   Now, that doesn't mean I'll trust those people (ya know, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..) , but I don't hold those nasty revenge thoughts in my head now.  It makes for a much more peaceful Dale! Dale

Russ, I’m a "quick to get past it" sort of person….Now. I used to carry some anger, But lost it along the way. Revenge, or bitterness is a poison that does more damage To the cup that carries it, Than to it’s intended victim. I get angry, usually "say my piece," Then let it go. Hypocrisy or a person who continues lobbing insults All the while presenting themselves as motivated by good intentions…. That’s perhaps the one that causes me the most irritation. There is an M. Scott Peck book called- "The People of the Lie." There are some people, who are truly evil. I don’t use the word to denote "Sin" in any way, But intentions and actions…. The person motivated purely by –"What can I get out of it?" Or worse- "How can this tear down others to make me further on top?" That’s the type of person I find I have a hard time "forgiving completely." Usually, my feelings toward them may transmute to pity, But only if they aren’t particularly damaging on a continued basis to Those I care about. Truly evil people, I tend to find a way to take out of my life. I often go with the view of- "You’re not a F-Up, but you are F-ing Up right now…." I don’t have a problem with actions that don’t hurt others. If someone has lapses in their ethics, I may take note of it and in the future Remember not to depend on them for honesty, But I assume they have some reason for making their own life less peaceful… I hope they move on, and grow… same thing I wish for me and mine… As for family? What’s the stats now-a-days? 65% of all adults grew up in a dysfunctional family? When someone over the age of 21 is railing about their horrible childhood I always want them to watch the last 5 minutes of - ChrisTitusNormanRockwellisBleeding Check it out…it’s a freebie…. My favorite words about this come from Garrison Keillor’s – Life These Days-

One piece entitled, My Cousin Rose."….

"There are people who only feel themselves at full strength when they are in opposition to others, and that's what propels them. But when you rebel against your parents and make that your life, you never get over it, you see? You make your parents into these immense powerful stone figures.

The child who stays at home, for that child the parents simply, gently dwindle and diminish over the years and become more human and weaker and more worthy of sympathy and love. But to the child who runs away they become immense — they become a theme park, these parents. They're not that big, they're not that powerful, and they do change, and the things that you fought with them over do vanish with time.

When you base your life on rebellion and opposition, it's a noble thing in a way, at least at first. But you so often find yourself in opposition to things that simply are true. There are things that were taught that simply are true. And some of them are that you should be thankful, you should be cheerful, you should mind your manners, you should make yourself useful, and you should avoid self-pity at all costs Take small views of life, think a couple of days ahead, and don't bother to solve the past because it will solve itself. It will gradually fade and all of these figures will get smaller and smaller and smaller." Angry Yes… Resentment or longterm angst? Nope. I don’t have that much energy…. So much easier to let it go, Set it down and move on…. Best Wishes- Dx