Funnies

 FEMALE COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no
 legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been f****d?"
The fellow said "No".

She said "You will be when the tide comes in"





 



Dear Abby,



  I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.



  I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been

  cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the

  caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot

  recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some

  friends from work, you don't know them."



  I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but

  I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject

  with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth,

  but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on

  her.



  Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf

  clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived

  home from a night out with "the girls". When she got ou t of the car

  she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her

  panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment,

  crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on

  my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.



  Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to

  the pro shop where I bought it?









A

farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his

chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 

"OK old fart, time for you to retire." 

The

old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these

chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the

two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You

are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you

what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins

gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young

rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just

to be fair, I will give you a head start." 

The

old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster

takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the

farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. 

He

is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The

farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when

he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squalking and

running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he

blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and

says, 

"Dammit.....third gay rooster I bought this month." 

Moral of this story? .... 

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and

arrogance! 

Dano, He who speaks in humor.  Good to see you posting again. You doing OK with all the stuff that been cooking there in FLA?? WLS recovery happeingin OK?  Where are the FARTS?? Can you make the trip to Luverne AL in Sept for the gathering Randall C is organizing?? Joe

Dangit!  now I have to wipe a mouthfull of coffee off my screen!  The rooster joke was hilarious!