I'm in trouble.....

I am writing this under another name, as I am too ashamed and embarrassed to use my normal “alter ego”.

I am one those people who has replaced binge eating with drinking.  I end up getting very drunk once or twice weekly.  I drink to the point of blacking out every time, and I also drink and drive…. endangering myself and others.

 

I answered the Doctor’s pre-surgery questions about my past drinking habits falsely, as I knew that it would prevent my being approved for surgery.

 

After the drinking episodes, I am depressed and unable to function clearly for several days.  Of course, I forget these bad feelings when it comes time to drink again – and I always seem to be able to find a way to continue the viscous cycle.

 

I am very afraid that if this continues I will have problems with my marriage and employment.  My wife is a good person, and doesn’t deserve this bull****  I fear health problems, and legal problems from the drunk driving.  I don’t know what I would do if I injured or killed someone on the road.

 

I am embarrassed and sickened by my weak and foolish behavior.  The drinking has left me depressed and feeling physically sick.  I can’t make myself go to AA – I’d seriously rather die than do that crap.  I’m so damned depressed over this that I wish that I had some anti-depressants…. Of course, I would just abuse those as well.

 

Well…. I know there is not much that I can do now.  I’ve made my bed, and have no one to blame but myself.  I just hate being out of control of myself…. and feel weak and pathetic.  And I hate myself for the self-pity as well.

 

I feel like I am truly f*cked on this one.    

 

I am really asking for help here – I am hoping that the group wisdom will get me to “buck-up” and pull out of this downward spiral.

Dear friend, You have taken a first step. Admitting to yourself you are out of control and have a problem. Now, before you decide dieing is better than living and your wife is still with you, which mean yshe loves you very much to put up with this situation,....let others help you. But most importantly, you have to make the choice to avoid drink.  Unlike food that you have experienced gaining much more control over, you do not have to drink to live, you do have to eat. You have to choose to avoid drink and the places and associates drink is available to you. If you can conquer food, you can do this too,...but there is a very real detox proccess that includes mental and physical withdrawal symptons and you have to apreciate the people that are trying to help rather than curse them for keeping drink from you. Ask for help, Do what they ask and get a doctor involved for the depression.  Keep in mind most anti-depressants take 2 weeks to really kick-in. So yuo still have some being on your own time to battle the beast.  Honestly with self and not allowing yourself to be alone to sneak a drink are big factors. Tie a knot in your rope and hold on.  Thsi is a tuff one but something you can beat.  It can be done and you can do it. Joe     

Big, Your asking for help, that is a good start. And while its embarrassing to admit you out of control, it a far more tragedy to kill or injure someone because of your actions. A way to break out of your depression is to take some positive steps. Post here is good start. Eventually you are going to have to explore why you need to over indulge in food or drink.  Outside of AA or therapy many of these answers can be found in a journal that can allow you to have some reflection on your life and your actions. As they say the pen is mightier than the sword, so let your pen do some digging into your soul, it’s a lot less damaging then pouring food or drink into your soul. Sit in a quite room, write down your thoughts, feelings, and fears, and let the demons flow. Making positive choices like this is better than sitting in jail after a tragedy and reflecting on why, why, why.  Buck-up and write it down. Take the time to get to know yourself through your words, you will be surprised how much good you will find on your journey.   Best of luck, keep trying regardless of how many times you may stumble. You have only fail when you stop trying. Herb

"I am embarrassed and sickened by my weak and foolish behavior.  The drinking has left me depressed and feeling physically sick.  I can’t make myself go to AA – I’d seriously rather die than do that crap.  I’m so damned depressed over this that I wish that I had some anti-depressants…. Of course, I would just abuse those as well". If you would rather die than try to get some help you may be in luck.  It may just happen especially if you drink and drive.  Just do me a favor and stay out of Connecticut.  I'd rather you not take me or my family with you.  GO TO AA! Good Luck Scott

Quoted for emphasis.  Stay out of California and Washington, too. You've taken a great first step.  Admitting the problem is a good start. But only YOU can do something about it.  You can't rely on other people to make this go away.  YOU have to do it. Guidance is good, however, and AA or a rehab facility would probably do you a world of good.  I give you props for admitting the problem and owning it.  But now it's time to take action.  Especially if you're drinking and driving.  Not only are you putting yourself at risk with that, but you're risking the lives of EVERYONE ELSE who's on the road with you.   Not to be insensitive, but .. You have NO RIGHT TO PULL THAT ****  Drunk driving is one of the most disgusting, selfish, and STUPID things to do.  You obviously know better.  You need to STOP IT. Like I said, I'm not trying to be insensitive.   You have a very real problem, and you're taking the first step towards fixing it.  And you know that there's enough guys here who have been exactly where you're at that you're going to get support from us here in the Men's Forum.   But you have to take control and make it stop.  We can only be there to support you, and I think I can speak for most of us - we will not support drunk driving. Good luck!

hey, gotta agree with scott on this one. why would you rather die or take someone with you than go to AA? doesn't make sense. those programs work, not for all but it's a start and a step one takes on the road to recovery.

listen, there's steps to this and AA might be down the road, right now you need to seek help. there's meds out there now that cut down the urge to take the second drink. clinically it works over time. then you have to face what's making you drink. i've had my share of addiction problems so i'm not talking out my ass here. you are in a half denial. yes you admit the problem but you're bashing a proven program that could help you. so you don't like AA, fine, then get into another program. there's tons out there that could help you as a drinker. maybe find a program that can be tailored made to you. a private clinic perhaps.

you know, why not admit you're helpless over this addiction and try to find someone to help you. at the very least talk to your doc and let him find some group or answer for you. you have to have an open mind now. forget what you think about therapy and just do it. like you said, if you keep down this road you'll end up dead or in prison if you hurt someone while drunk. stop thinking and act, get help and do it right this second. we are all addicts of a certain nature on this board. you would be surprised to find a lot of people turn to drinking after losing the weight. so there's issues that need to be addressed.

i'm not thumping on you. i really want you to get help and get it now before you start losing everything or hurt yourself or someone else. you need help now. please email me privately if you want someone to talk to. i can give you my phone number from there. please don't delay. everyday you wait you're getting farther away from who you are. it's very easy to hide in a bottle and never come out. pick up that phone and get help......please.......carbonblob

Hey man, I too was an alcoholic.  I was also a drug user.  I have what is considered an 'addictive personality'.  I have been in two drug treatment programs and was kicked out of the second one because they said I was too violent.  I used to go to AA and NA, both of which are great programs.  But I was not able to give up my habits until I asked God to deliver me from them.  I know this is not a religious forum, but it is asking for help, so I am putting in my two cents and letting you know how I recieved real and permenant help.  I will tell you how you can for sure, 100% get help.  WARNING: If you are offended at religious content, then don't read any further.  Anyway, God delivered me, completely taking away my desire.  God does not always do that all the time for all people.  Your first step has to be admitting you have a problem (which you have successfully done).   You then have to come to God in true repentance.  Ask yourself if you think you are a good person.  Have you ever lied?  Ever stolen?  Ever looked at someone with lust?  Ever used God's name in vain?  God sees hatred as murder, lust as adultery.  If He judged you based on the 10 commandments, would you be innocent or guilty?  Would you go to heaven or hell?  We all stand guilty before God.  But Jesus paid that fine for us, so if we trust in Him, we do not have to go to hell.  Once you realize the sinful person that we all are, you then repent (which literally means to turn away from) and ask God to take it from you and to make you clean.  If you are genuine, the bible says you become a new creation.  Your desires will change.  You will no longer desire to abuse alcohol.  All you have to do is ask God to take it.  That coupled with true repentance will fix your issue.  Is it always easy after this?  No, of course not.  But now you will have the biggest alli you could ever have.  Find a good, living church.  They will be able to help you.

Doesn't matter if you'd rather die than go to AA....go to AA or some other program.  Screw your pride before you hurt or kill someone.  Hurting anyone is bad enough...but just think for a minute if in one of your blackouts while driving you take the life of a child.  NOTHING in this world is worth that...so swallow the pride and take responsibility and get some help NOW.  Would rather die than go to AA...that's total BS...as a father and husband, that infuriates me! There is no talking, wishing or thinking in this situation - there is only action.  Do the right thing. You had an empathetic ear at the beginning of your note but as I read further, that quickly disappeared.  Snap out of it....you know what needs to be done, now go do it!

Good Cop:
I'm glad you've taken the first half-step by annonymously posting your problem. We're here for you. Male WLS related problems is why this community grows and connects every day. Addiction is absolutely related, so you're in the right spot.

You can recover from this. You are better than this. You have the strength inside of you to conquer this, and much more.



Bad Cop:
You selfish son of a ***** You can do whatever you want to your liver, but risking killing other people because you're too scared or prideful to haul your a$$ to a support group isn't ok. Don't forget your poor wife too. She's stuck by you for WLS, don't you think she'll stick by you for this too? Food addiction is much the same as alcohol addiction. You sought out professional help for the one, now it's time for the other.

Never been there with a substance other than food, which I could not quit, but, suffice it to say you need to check in somewhere for a couple of weeks, get treatment and never go anywhere near anything that even looks or smells like alcohol. Be determined to stay away from the stuff, anyone using it, and restaurants or bars that serve it, any sections of supermarkets that have it.

Alcohol - totally out of your life from this moment on. Make that decision. No other judgements necessary. Just do it.

Dave