struggling with my head, need some perspective

a little background-  have had a ****ty life the 1st 20 years had to fight for everything, never seemed to take the easy road. got kicked out out school for beating up a teacher, got kicked out the house at 18 lived in my car for a few months drank alot was a very violent person. BUT never asked for help never expected it and to this day have a hard time even letting a neighbor or friend do a simple favor without feeling like I "owed" them something.  My business went under recently and I am no longer able to make ends meet. Can't find a job for a few reason IMO..... I am too qualified for entry level stuff. Don't have the degrees to qualify for the job that my 20yrs of experience bring along with it. The size doesn't help either when interviewing,  not a good first impression no matter how much we want to think it doesn't matter. I am physically at the point where I cannot work on my feet for more 2-3 hours at a time,my left leg goes numb. though that rarely stops me. Because I was self employed I do NOT qualify for unemployment, I have never used it before so this was a shock but a fact. I think I could qualify for Disability but mentally cannot bring myself to applying for it, too much pride or something. part of me looks it like I have lost and "they" have won. AM I CRAZY HERE?

Hey Going Mobile, I can not say that I have lived in your shoes, but I do know the feeling of being left out if the oppertunties due to size discrimination. Prior to WLS, I was 435 lbs and was losing my mobility and my ability to rally myself to get things under control.  In a few post back, someone mentioned that if we had a bad valve in our heart we woud not try to will ourselves to get better. The times when we have to put our trust in others and swallow a little pride. In the same way that when I began walking after WLS, I could only walk to the end of the driveway before I needed to stop and recover enough to go on, perhaps its time to take the disability as a short resting point before you move on in your journey. A few weeks after my WLS I walking much better and soon was walking a mile or two non-stop, but I could not have gotten there unless I had take a rest on my initital journey. It is only regretable step to take disabiliy if you see it as a final resting place,but if its a rest stop on your way, its becomes a step in the right direction. Then as you walk away from it toward your road to in-light-enment, it was a small support in you time of need.  Is taking disability wosre than robbing a liqiur store for money to pay the rent?  I know that taking a few steps back, or down, or however you see it as being a form of quitting, but I see it as a form resting a the basecamp before your climb your Everst. Good Luck, Herb 

     Let's talk about disability for a little while.  I assume that, since you don't qualify for unemployment, then you probably don't qualify for State sickness benefits.  The two primary forms of disability that most people get are administered by Social Security.  SSI benefits are similar to Welfare but Social Security Disability is an entitlement program.  You have to be currently insured (get a booklet from SSA for the most current definition) plus you have to be totally diabled.  Social Security does take into account your educational and vocational background, but the primary determinant is the disability itself.  I know because I used to work for SSA and then I worked for another Fed agency that used the SSA regs for part of their benefits (the RRB which provides benefits for RR workers).      If you do apply for SSA disability, be sure to include all of your disabilities.  If you have physical problems and have depression as a result of dealing with the disability or with society, be sure to include the depression as part of the disability.  Many people who get denied initially, do get SSA disability on appeal when they include a mental problem.  You will be asked to fill out a questionaire about your daily activies as they pertain to your disability.  You should be thorough when completing this narrative.  Explain every way that your disability interferes  with normal life.  You may cite that you have difficulty getting out of bed, or you may have problems with stairs, or even standing.  Be sure to include all of the problems you encounter in a normal day.  ALSO, SSA does not have an occupational disability.  You can only get what they call a total disability, but don't let that terminology deter you.  You Are entitled to Social Security if you paid into it and meet the qualification (for disability or retirement).  That's why It's AN Entitlement Program.  You're not asking for someone else's help.  Consider it similar to collecting insurance.

 

 

I am in a simialr situation.  For the last 1.5 yearsI have been on  work disability (back) and I am 40 years old.  I have been turned down for ssi and waiting my appeal.  I feel the guilt everyday when I see others working.  I especially feel "bad" during days where I am medicated and my back doesn't feel disabled, if that makes sense.  The only reason I am looking to collect ssi is to hold me over until i lose the weight and can get the surgery to fix my back.  My guilt is eased by my 2 (3yrs) twins *****ly on me to be able tomake some money nad not being able to work I also understand changing career in mid life.  My old job (14 years( required me to work with mental health clients and due to my back I can no longer do this regardless of surgery or no surgery, so ia m searching. Long story made short my opinion is to do what you have to do.  For myself taking food stamps, gas assistance etc is hard bu****ching my kids go hungry is unbearable even to think about. jim d Fortunately I am down to 265 from 384 so i am hoping to get this surgery sooooon and back on my feet.

Hi GM,

Really sorry to hear that you're having difficulty. Sounds, though like you more than deserve to go on disability. Not only have you put in your share of work, you have the physical ailments to warrant that - that's why the program exists.

Now, even before you're off to apply for that, I would say take advantage of the warm summer weather and get an hour a day in at the pool. Water walking or dog paddling or anything, unless your physical condition actually prohibits that. This will help you feel better in many different ways. For now, you have to be able to see beyond the work and financial and just feel good, and getting into the water and moving around will bring you closer to that, faster than anything I know.

Get Well Soon,

Dave

Great advice, Dave. Taking my "Black Dog" for a walk almost always helps. Even mild walking can have great results for the mind and body. I have some experience with SSI with a family member. We hit nothing but dead ends and road blocks, until we hired a lawyer that specializes in gaining SSI benefits. It is sad that you need to get a lawyer to obtain benefits that you have earned, but that was the reality in our case. A lawyer will often take payment from your benefits, as they know you probably can not pay up front. Worked for us. JP

Thanx guys, I always appreciate the different perspectives. It takes 3-5 months just to get an answer, thats before you have to fight for it. In my mind this is NOT an option. Talking to a buddy about re-fiing the house self paying for WLS paying the bills and setting some aside for a few months to live off of, should only take about 40K, we have about 350K in equity, I just hate touching it.  it always interesting to go back and and read the original post and see where my head was at at the time.  Thanx again guys.

GoingMobile, You definitely have more than your share of mountains to climb.  I guess you probably need to take it one mountain at a time, no one can climb them all at once.  I have no fast quick answers for you and no one can fix them. It looks like you've overcome a lot just by admitting the road has been hard and treacherous and you admitted to being at fault for a lot of the things that happened to you albeit it sounds like some of them were forced upon you.  For my ownself, admitting to my own infallacies is half the battle, then I can become more accepting of me and those around me and more forgiving also.  We can't fight all our lives - there are always someone bigger, meaner, and tougher around the corner. It sounds to me you've worked hard all your life thus far, I assume you've paid your share of unemployment taxes and social security, and to me applying for that should not be thought of as asking the government to support you, your children and children's children as a way of not working.  But it should be thought of as an opportunity to collect a little money while trying to put it together again, it is a help man, not a crutch.  You've paid into it - you've earned the right to use it the right way. Keep applying for those jobs, keep working at losing weight, keep the faith, knowing that there is no one else exactly like you in the world.  You were born special, you are journeying in this life for a reason, and start liking yourself.  It's awfully easy for people to like us when we like ourselves.  No excuses! I wish I could wave a magic wand, but I can't.  You have to climb the mountains - but climb them one at a time brother.  You will be in my prayers and thoughts daily as I call upon my Lord to give you strength!  Bob.