Strange new territory

I have been having a grazing issue for the last week. I have seemed to be able get a mental grip on this and today was a good day for managing what and when I eat. Seeing the scales move bck up 3 pound put a kick in my pants. The trouble I am facing is that I am entering new territory and I do not know what to expect beyond the disappointments I have faced in the past. I am very glad that I had WLS, it has so far given me back mobility, endurance, and social acceptance.  As for negative side, I would have to say that WLS is very effect in the first 6 months, almost too easy, and therefore I have not made the best effort to use my internal power in my mind and body to make sure that there is a strong foundation to support the lifelong changes I need to make.

I know I can exercise more and with more intensity if I make the effort, I know that my current eating issue, more accurately grazing, is a problem that can lead to real failure and needs stop and be mastered for the long haul. I know that head hunger is an issue I am facing, and I need to change my weakness for self indulgence into strength to give me self confidence and control. Initially I was lazy in doing this in my WLS journey, now I am scared and see myself reacting out of panic, not the best mode to be in, but a better frame of mind to be in than complacency.

What I am facing now at 8 months out is that my weight loss is apparent to most people and there need to comment on my success so far is source of trouble for me. I do not making a quick comment, like “You’re looking good”, but when someone want to have a long discussion on weight loss it just seems to me that I feel like I am living on borrowed time.  In my past experiences I have never been able to keep weight off for more than a few months, so having a long discussion with someone always comes around to them or myself talking about how this effort need to be for the long haul, and that being thinner is a goal for a lifetime, etc. And because I have never been able to be at a healthier weight for more that 6 months, I am not sure how to do it. And this though plants a seed in my head that I really am not prepared how to do this for a life time. Especially when the learning process comes down to the issue I mention above about not finding the time or the discipline to exercise, and picking up bad eating habit due to head hunger and gluttony.

I am not fully sure that I know how to describe it but I guess it best put that I fear the future. I am past the fact fix stage of WLS, and I am entering into the, being you own captain of the ship phase for self control and future success. And I feel like I do not have a map or a past life experience to tell me what I should be doing or where I should be going. How do I get from an XXL to a Medium shirt size has never been in my scope of reality before.

Beyond all that, I am beginning to question the opportunities I face in personal and social issues. Is my marriage really strong? Are we the same people with the same dreams? Is work fulfilling as it could be? Are the activities in my life really what I like and care about any longer? These are hard questions to face on top of rebuilding my relation with food and exercise.

Herb You are not alone with the grazing.  My urge to graze started last month after a  trip to Disney world and basically that is all we did there, where I tried carbs and sweets that I had not eaten in over 6 months.  This set off triggers in my head to want to eat "crap" food again.  Not good, Anyway I just try to deal with this by keeping busy and adding exercise in the past 2 weeks.  It has helped a lot to add the extra exercise.  I would suggest trying to keep yourself busy and add more exercise and or take up a hobby.  Mostly don't worry about what you are going to be doing 6 months from now, like most of us in the locker room we are food addicts.  When people who are addicted to drugs and booze get handle on their addictions, they are instructed to worry about today, stay clean today, dont worry about if you can stay clean tomorrow.   As you know we have a tool to help us with our addicitons, we have to eat, we just have to make better choices.  Changing a life time of bad choices in just a few months is not easy, this is NOT easy, but it is our last chance at a normal healthy life.  We must try to live just for today. Herb, I noticed that you are in the upstate.  My wifes family is there and we visit often, if you would like to, I can let you know next time I am in the area and we could meet to discuss our challenges face to face.  Let me know. All the best Chris

Chris, Thanks for the guiding words. Yes you are correct, staying focused on today is more important than worying about 6 months from now.   Drop me a note when you head down to the Greenville area, I would like to meet you in person. Herb

Herb, This scares the hell out of me.  I have not experienced this yet, however, I do see post from those that are out about a year when certain triggers return. I hope that the lifestyle changes that I've made and the exercise routine will help me overcome those urges when they happen to me.  Good luck with keeping things under control.  It sounds like you have a great deal of awareness. If you were like me, in the past, you were on automatic.  So you should be able to handle thinks ok in the long run.

I guess from many of the others out there that have said similar thing, it is really important to form new habit long before you need them. It reminds me of when I was studying for a professional license. I studied hard 6 months out and for the next three months but got bored with the material and slacked off the intensity until I realized that I had rarely studied at all the last 2 months before the exam, and the exam was much harder than it should have been.   See old habit never go away on their own.  Thanks for the support.

 

Hi Herb, you are saying the things that most of us at 6-8 months are goign through.  You are right, the first several months it is almost too easy.  To me, exercise is the key.  When I am getting 30-60 minutes of exercise in 6 days a week like I am supposed to do, I eat like I am supposed to do.  When I don't, or am traveling at special events that are late nights, early mornings I am fatigued and not doing what I should be doing.  Vince Lombardi once said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all".  The rest and exercise gets our mental toughness for change in gear.   I too have been screwing around here the last two weeks.  More with chocolate than anything else.  I don't dump on chocolate in moderation, pulled a muscle in my rear end that has slowed my exercise and have had an abundance of parties/fatigue lately.  Gratefully, I have a metabolism now and have only gained 1lb in the process where before it would be 5-10.   Bottom line is that you are in the realm of normalness now.  You are going to have good days and bad days....If you are having 80-90% good days (exercise and not grazing), then there is no need to fret.  If things are flipped, you want to have some more heavy accountability here or elsewhere.  The weekly weigh-in and my own ego also help to keep me in check as well. Finally, I enjoy the comments from everyone who sees me because I know they are short lived so I am enjoying the moment.  But my reply is "I'm getting there."  I haven't arrived, I'm enjoying the ride and find I even sabotage future success because the change is happening so fast and I want to enjoy it.  That means better is delaying best but I'm trying to give myself a break.  I won't view myself a success until I have achieved my goal weight and stayed there for 5 years.  I also have given my all of my friends and work colleagues the permission to kick my ass if they start seeing me slip backwards and gainign wieght again. Excersize is the key trigger for me.  If I get those endorphines going, blood pumping, I'm more alert, feel better and thus are stronger to resist the temptations.  And the best part, if you blow it on the food side it doesn't show up on the scales if you have done your exercise.  Start there....kick it into gear and you will be amazed at how much better you do at the grazing. Finally, and I know I have posted this many times...pick up the book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There."  This is mostly about career issues, but it is really about behavioral issues - food being one of them in our lives.  A big part of his approach to successfully change - admit the issue, apologize to those you have affected, tell people you are trying to change, invite their feedback and participation, continually remind them you are trying to change, and invite them to hold you accountable.  While that can be treacherous in a career situation, it is excellent advice for our journey.  Hope this helps.  (And hope I listen to my own advice today) Greg

Greg,  Thanks for the comments. Yes I spent yesterday morning on the bike riding up one of the larger hills on my route over and over, I think I climbed it 10 times, but yes I took the joy riding to the level of where it need to be exercise that pushs me.  Thanks for the Lombardi quote, it’s very true. I have been traveling so much for business lately that it hard to stick to a solid routine or return to one after the interruption. My goal of playing golf weekly again is lagging do to a lack of exercise intensity, thanks for the good words and kick in the butt.  Herb

Hi Herb, You are not alone. Many, if not most of us, have a history of failure: lose weight, feel good, gain even more weight back, feel like failures, repeat. But . . .the other side of that coin is that WE KEEP TRYING NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE SLIP UP. So I say, don't ignore the serious issues (fear, bad habits like grazing, etc.) but don't overlook your strong points, and believe me, you have some. It takes courage to post your fears and slips, and it takes a sense of hope (you haven't given up). I have periods when I graze, too. And I worry because my progress is slower than some guys. Then I step back and look at how much better I feel now, how much healthier how I am, how much weight is gone and, most of all, how my grazing is puny compared to what I could wolf down pre-op and--best of all--how I can't quite get into it without instant fear and guilt. Sure, it slows me down, but it doesn't stop me from exercising, from pulling back and getting with the program. When I started my pre-op stuff, my one big hang-up was that I had failed at every prior weight loss attempt. Failed in terms of keeping off weight. But that wasn't enough to make me give up. Every day is a new day and a new chance, heck, every moment actually. The other stuff, your other questions, are life questions that most humans face. They make us human by prompting us to take stock and not just coast. Perhaps the surgery has freed you to deal with all sorts of matters, matters that were probably of concern all along. You've got a lot on your plate (in more ways than one), and that can be overwhelming. But you're tougher than you think and tougher than you maybe want to be (most of us are, I think), so consider today a good day because you are not in denial, because you took a big, wise step having surgery, because you took a wise step posting your concerns, and because you are not alone. When I get discouraged I look back at what life was like at my fattest and that puts me in my place, a better place. It's one thing to have disappointments, flat spots, slips and a whole 'nother thing to have them and be huge, unhealthy, uncomfortable physically, and afraid of people's reactions. So, all in all, today is a good day--even when it doesn't feel that good. Sorry for blabbing so much. As Dx says, take what you want and ignore the rest.

Doug,  Your comments are quite true, you only are a failure if you stop trying. As like you this one of the few areas I feel like I have a history of failing and it very mentally challenging to get over all that negativity of the past and stay focused on doing the right things and the tool will help me along the way, and if it is slowly than so be it, but giving up and not limiting my grazing or slacking off on the exercise is not an option if I am going to conquer this demon.  Thanks

Herb