Saturday Humor

Retirement Planning   If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.       With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.       With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.       If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left       But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.       Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.       It's called the 401-Keg Plan THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD Well, it's **** ... that's right, ****! **** may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can get ****faced, Be ****out-of-luck, Or have **** for brains. With a little effort, you can get your **** together, find a place for your **** or be asked to **** or get off the pot. You can smoke **** buy **** sell **** lose **** find **** forget **** and tell others to eat **** Some people know their **** while others can't tell the difference between **** and shineola. There are lucky ****s, dumb ****s, and crazy ****s. There is bull **** horse **** and chicken **** You can throw **** sling **** catch **** shoot the **** or duck when the **** hits the fan. You can give a **** or serve **** on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep **** or be happier than a pig in **** Some days are colder than **** some days are hotter than **** and some days are just plain ****ty. Some music sounds like **** things can look like **** and there are times when you feel like **** You can have too much **** not enough **** the right **** the wrong **** or a lot of weird **** You can carry **** have a mountain of **** or find yourself up **** creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to **** and other times you fall in a bucket of **** and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your **** you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a ****; or not do so if you don't give a ****! Well, **** it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a **** and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of **** But, if you happened to catch a load of **** from some ****head........... Well, **** Happens!!!