Aging Parents

Hey guys, just rambling a little here to clear some of the crap out of my head.  A few months ago my mom who lived in an independent living apartment in NC started exhibiting some dementia.  I can say that now after what happened this morning.  She was sick and tired of the apartment and insisted on moving to an assisted living center.  She got there, didn't like it, claimed people were stealing from her.  So she moves to San Antonio in an independent apartment. I get a call from the SA police thismorning.  They found her confused on the streets this morning looking for her car.  She hasn't driven in 20 years.  They took her back to the apartment and called me.  She's pretty much broke and I"m not too far away after raising 3 kids.  I'm going to contact social services in SA and see what they can do.  She was also in the Army during WW2 so checking out the Veterens benefits and see if they can help. I sure didn't need this but realize it's a fact of life for people these days.  Just curious if anyone else is dealing with aging parent issues.  Thanks for listening! Bobby

Bobby, Sorry you’re hitting this complication in life. We went through this 10 years ago with my father-in-law, and now into the 8th year with my mother-in-law. Her Alzheimer’s had her in total confusion about 8 years ago and she moved in with us for 3 years. She now is in a nursing home right down the street from us for the last 5 years. She hasn’t recognized my wife or any of us in over 6 years. She’s in fine health and may live another 10+years, but her mind went away sometime back. It’s very tough and I feel for you. An illness that takes away a parent’s health / life seems somehow expected. When the person you knew goes away first, It can be completely draining. Hang in there and seek all of the help you can. Eventually constant supervision / care may be needed for safety reasons. Sorry for your grief and that feeling of helplessness you’re hitting now, being across the country and unable to "fix this." Do what you can and spread the responsibility over as many siblings as possible. It’s a huge problem that can take a toll on all involved. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers… Best Wishes- Dx

Some states are better than others at care for the elderly who have little savings. My mother is getting a helper free of charge, twice a week in WVa and the number of visits can increase and she can eventually even get nursing home type care. The transition until then, especially during the gaps when the helper isn't there are going to be verrry worrisome! Don't know what to do. I live in Japan, have a house, great job, great wife, great workout environment. If I went back I'd have to start all over at 45. There's no need for EFL/ ESL teachers where she lives. I'd be living on welfare. It really does present problems. Evidently, there is a huge epidemic of single elderly women who have nothing/ no one to take care of them.

Good Luck with That,

Dave

My heart goes out to you because you can't help but worry about your parents, and being far away makes it hard to be involved.  I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

--Dave