Accountability Post -op

There is a big Drama llama story behind this post, and I will be happy to share, the unabridged version, but will spare then mens board the big drama…ohhh yes there is a story behind this… Russ Hey Guys, It seems that the more we progress with out WLS, the more the issues that need addressing change. I think sometime in the past AJ brought up this topic…”What if all these years I blamed people not liking me on my being fat, now that I’m not fat, people still don’t like me, could it be that I’m an Asshole?” As I progress in a healthy life, I find that I am more comfortable going out in public, and meeting new people, not just hold up in the house, being content with cable TV and a 12 pack of Pringles. I meet people and have different experiences. Now that we are on the road to being healthy we do not have the built in crutch, that all of our faults can be blamed on our weight….and to be socially acceptable we have to act acceptable, being socially accepted is not an inalienable right, you have to earn it. But being respectable and have a slight bit of tact, and just not being totally offensive all the time…. Don’t get me wrong, I can be really offensive, when I need to get my point of view across….but I don’t get to act like an A-Hole and everyone accept it because I’m trim…. I have reasons why we act like we do…It may not be my fault, but it is my  problem, that is the attitude I try to take… My accountability and responsibilities have changed, I’m responsible for doing my share of the physical  work around the house, cutting the grass, washing the dogs, washing the car…where as before I was exempt from these activities because I would start wheezing and gasp for air…these are now my responsibility, and I am accountable to get them done. I am accountable for how I handle myself in public and at the office, I do not get a pass because I’m trim…. The point of all of this is….After WLS we know that we have to be accountable with what we eat, but we also have to be accountable for out actions that we would previously blamed on our weight… Thanks Russ

hey Russ,

i'm not sure i'm understanding the whole jist of your subject but from my viewpoint i'm no different. i had to run a business, be in a relationship and in general, live life. i got no free passes due to my weight execpt discrimination perhaps. but i may not be the type of person this post is addressing. i was considered a lightweight so nothing got in my way due to my weight. i still do everything i used to do. i know a lot of guys in here used to be much heavier and doing some physical chores or work was way beyond their capacity. so i'll drop out of this thread other than to say due to the weight loss it sure is a lot easier to do the things expected of me and i make a better impression to my clients. did any of that make sense? carbonblob

Hey CB... I guess i got rambling....to the point...People should not expect WLS to solve all their problems...If you were a fat jerk, and you loose weight, now you are a thin Jerk.... does that help Russ

Yeah, I had no real changes to my social persona. I was an outgoing highly social fat-man, And all the change that people notice, is now I wear better clothes for less money, And I can get out of the car a heck of a lot faster. J From my side? So much easier to navigate this planet without that gravity! But, I can’t use a lifetime repertoire of fat jokes about myself. I’ve had to work up a whole new set of ‘off the cuff’ remarks. Fair trade off from my perspective. Seems that someone pissed in your pool there, from the diving board. Blow it off. If your dealing with someone who’s an azz, they be an azz, no matter how they are disguised or transformed. We are who we are with or without the ‘Santa-suit.’ Best Wishes- Dx

Hey Russ, I like the expanded versiona and the short, to the point version.  Well said. Bobby

Russ: The point you make reminds me of an adage that I have heard a few times since starting this journey. "They operate on your stomach and not your brain"...I've heard it from the shrink at our WLS clinic and I heard it the other night out of the mouth of one of the post-op ladies on the Nightline story on transfer addiction. I think this addage can I apply to this situation as well. Maybe sometimes all it takes for a jerk to become a major jerk is a boost of self-confidence.   

I think if anything people are more forgiving now than when I was fat...Of course I probably *do* look a lot happier (and less sweaty) now.

I haven't been able to get away with too much "barking spider" (=farting a$$hole) behavior, fat or thin.

Dave

Like Dx I was a happy fat guy who still socialized. I had my friends and others that we could do things with. We defended each other as well as pointed out each others weaknesses. Now that I am down 90 lbs I am even happier. And still have all my friends without any cases of jealousy or remorse. My azzhole only shows after someone shows theirs first.

I say ditto to most of the comments here so far.  I knew when I got the surgery it wouldn't fix all of my problems, but for me the surgery was a strong point where I made a difficult decision that pushed me in a new direction.  Since my surgery, I've continued to make difficult but necessary decisions to get my entire life moving in the direction I want it to go.  For me, much of this journey so far has been about confronting myself, and realizing it's not too late to change the things I don't like. --Dave

Guys, this is why I keep coming back to the book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There"...this book has done wonders for me.  Of course I am woefully behind in nearly all of these areas he talks about, but understanding the problem and working it is a major step. If anything, I find I am becoming much more confident, yet I am somewhat uncomfortable with that newfound confidence simply because it is new territory.  Because of the WLS, I find that at our industry events and even somewhat at our chruch gatherings at the moment I am sort of the center of attention.  I certainly enjoy it and know it is only temporary...but enjoying that and being comfortable with it brings out an exhuberance that I find annoying even myself - so I'm sure others are viewing it that way.   I guess my biggest struggle is being comfortable in the confidence, but doing so in a way that is both humble and not annoying.  That's why I need that book so much. Thanks for the topic Russ.