Thursday Humor.
Alright guy's I realize it has gotten a little dry so let me see if I can pick it up a little.
When Joe found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one
evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman
he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an
ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or
two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed,
the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she
became his stepmother.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The I-Tit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be a few thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Corvette Z06." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?" "Pay first, those are the rules," says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "Here's what you need to do: First - you have to drink that entire litre of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once and you can't make a face while doing it." "Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands." "Third - there's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had an ****** You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..." "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, " Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the litre with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body. "Now," he says... "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?" A soldier emerged from a grove of trees and saw a nun walking along the road. Breathless and flustered, he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later." The nun was very confused but took pity on him and agreed. A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??" The nun replied, "Yes, he went that way." After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
Well Guy's I sure hope that this will help to liven my daily space just a little y'all have a great day. Dan
The I-Tit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be a few thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Corvette Z06." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?" "Pay first, those are the rules," says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "Here's what you need to do: First - you have to drink that entire litre of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once and you can't make a face while doing it." "Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands." "Third - there's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had an ****** You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..." "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, " Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the litre with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body. "Now," he says... "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?" A soldier emerged from a grove of trees and saw a nun walking along the road. Breathless and flustered, he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later." The nun was very confused but took pity on him and agreed. A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??" The nun replied, "Yes, he went that way." After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
Well Guy's I sure hope that this will help to liven my daily space just a little y'all have a great day. Dan
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, yelling "..........Holy Shit.......... what a ride".
DD....this was the only place that I could find humor like the stuff Dan posts....you should see what he sends to me personally.....besides I like to hang out with the guys...just don't tell my husband. I don't think he would mind though......I haven't been hanging out at the "A-team" cause there are not alot of bandsters on that forum...but I check in every once in awhile....I hang out mostly on the Lap Band forum....but that was getting a little dramatic for me too.....so I decided to just read what you men have to say......pretty interesting stuff!!! Hope you are doing well.....I am down 35 pounds since the start and feel great!!!! You are doing well too I see....you can really tell a difference on the new pictures you posted. Keep up the good work. Take care.....Marcy
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Ssssssshhhhhhh.... mrl ?
................from the 'Q'?
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