Two for Tuesday Humor!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the
house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter
for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You screw her again.
Bubba went to a psychiatrist.
" I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk
to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."
"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?"
asked the psychiatrist.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot
of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all
that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"
"Is that so? And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now
!!!"
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, yelling "..........Holy Shit.......... what a ride".
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