Wow, I had my first support group meeting.

My group has about 4 men, and 2dozen or more females, we haven't covered those topics yet, but when the females get to you just remember, how much you have lost, women loose slow, and if you want to turn all of them green with envy, mention how much you have lost and how quickly, some women spend 6 months to loose 40lbs, I lost my first 40 in 3wks.

I feel for you Bret, I attended 1 support group meeting and that was 1 too many! The good news is you are not damned to regain if you skip the support groups, I am 3+ years out and stable as a rock weight wise.

Sounds like a nightmare! You could skip and go to the sex addicts group. Or...bring up a topic like proper zipper length in men's slacks. It amazes me how much the zipper length ratio  varies! 

As a victim of numerous childhood Weigh****chers meetings (dragged by my mom), I knew there was no chance, at all, under any cir****tances, I was going to a monthly support group meeting after surgery.   I just didn't relate to even 10% of what was being discussed (I can live without dessert, I don't have a sexual relationship with chocolate, I've never convinced myself my entire 20 pound gain was hormones, I don't consider lifting a 3 pound dumbbell exercise, even for "toning" purposes, my haircut will not contribute significantly to how fat I look, I will never complain about how ricecakes taste because I will never eat another ricecake, etc.) The men's forum and another board I go to perform a similar enough function.  If they didn't exist, I might have to reconsider, but thank God I don't live in that world.

Yep, The "Support Group Model" is usually femi-centric due to the make-up of the numbers alone. Add to that- Most are based on the typical "Hospital/Medical model" of "Breast Cancer Support Group"- "Postpartum Support…" etc… Scan any hospital’s website under "support groups" and it’s easy to see that it’s not just thew WLS Community, but the Medical industry in general. More women have more medical procedures performed than Men. It’s socialized into the system. They have babies eventually, so start going soon and often is part of being a woman. (whole other post…) But, in Your WLS Support Group? Men and Women working together are what make the world go round. Why is your Support Group formula any different? It is after all "A Man’s World." We run Countries, Industries, the Planet….. If Your Support Group is Female Focused / Dominated, then go about rising through the ranks to become the CEO that you’re destined to be! Speak your mind. But above all, Bring something of value to the group, and you’ll be given more voice to shape the conversation. Yes? If the other members of the group find what you have to share as valuable, then they find YOU valuable. If you are the one who "brings the map," and it’s clear that you know how to "get there," you will most likely be chosen to drive. Yes? As I tell my students- "You’ll get out of a project, What you put into it." Print up a handout, an article, some questions…etc… Many Men complain that discussions can digress into typical "MainBoard-ish" rants such as- "My Boyfriend doesn’t acknowledge my sacrifices….." "My Co-Workers are Jealous of my new size because…." "Some people are SO un-sympathetic when they…." That, or the –"When I cook for my family now, they want…." These sorts of "House-Wife" and "Girlfriends" discussions can easily surface in a group dynamic where people perceive ‘like-minded acceptance’ no matter what they discuss. If some one is there to gently ‘nudge’ the group back on topic, then the over all experience is improved for everyone involved. Statistically, people who continue meeting with support groups have more long-term success with WLS. So, to get the Stats working for you, try to make your group work or find another that does. You get nothing out of spending a few hours there ‘biting your tongue’ either. Speak up, when the topic involves you. Re-direct it to work for the whole group when it becomes to specific to serve the whole group. If your specific group plans such themes as "Pregnancy and WLS" or other such non-inclusive topics for the meeting, Then miss those and catch the game that night. But let the sponsor / leader of the group know that they are missing out on your valuable input (handouts, jokes, maps) for that session. Sorry to babble on….. Support Groups not being inclusive of Men is a bit of a pet peeve of mine….. Best Wishes- Dx

Thank God my group is more evenly balanced.  Our recent meetings have included how to use tofue, a medical sales person demonstrating how the lap surgery woks.  Next week we are having Barbara Thompson as a speaker. John http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wevsipo/"> http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wevsipo/weight.png">>

I'm counting my blessings also. My group is quite large;sometimes up to 100 people including spouses. We have a strong men's cohort. So strong, in fact, that today I was speaking with the head nurse/group leader about splitting off to form a Men's group. She asked me to head it up. We'll see about it. I'd be required to become certified as a group discussion leader via the (can't remember name) Bariatric Surgery Council.

In the meantime, TAKE CHARGE! Tell someone you're not happy...make sure they're someone who can do something about it. Encourage more men in your area to attend and take over the meeting. Don't make it male-centric, but make it WLS specific.

Best of luck with it,
Jake