Humor -True Friendship

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?  Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the hateful ******* who made you sad. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well.  I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".  Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the warmth.