Relationships with WLS

Of course I ask this after my post about my wedding ring. Kind of a personal question so answer how you wish.  How many of you have had "problems" in your relationships after WLS? Be it more activity, jealousy, change in lifestyle, etc. I only ask because my wife and I have had a few big fights in the past weeks and it all comes down to the fact that I had surgery. I want to be more active and do stuff I haven't done in a while or ever done. She sees it as me being outta the house more. I am not looking to escape from the house, I just want to do stuff. She also says it makes her feel like we have nothing in common now. Before it was going to eat and doing stuff that revolved around food. Not that there aren't other things but now that we don't have that, she feels that it is different, which it is. Just venting. It seems that we fight more often now and I hope not to be another WLS statistic.

I have seen this come up alot here. It seems if you have a good relationship it will only get better if it was rocky to begin with it will only get worse. Have you tried to include her in these activities away from the house? maybe you should suggest she come here and read about WLS so she has a better idea about what your going through and she canmeet other women who have been in the same situation. Good Luck

That is tough.  The fact is that you are a different or at least you had better be to achieve your goals.  She has not changed (nor should she).  You are stuck in a tough situation and something has to give.  Try to explain it to her and seek counseling if you think it will help.  From what I hear, many relationships suffer because of WLS.  Good luck Scott

yeah Tom, just in the past year or so i can recall a handful of guys who seperated or split. only you can really answer what the deal is before the surgery. now for post op, well, we're the ones getting all the attention, from every corner. we are topic number one wherever we go. it doesn't last forever but anyone we're with, they take a back seat. it's only natural of course so the way to deal with it is an individual thing. i always go out of my way to include my g/f and offer stories of her support through the process and how she helped me everyday to get to this point. i try to make her feel like part of the team and it's not a lie so it comes easy. i could not have done it without her.

some guys start to prowl or take those looks from the ladies a little to seriously and that's when problems start. the other big reason is that maybe your woman liked the old you and your sedentary lifestyle. now you're capt disco boy wearing your kids pants and have his ipod hooked up to your ear and the girls on the block or at work are starting to notice you. all i'm saying is that if you don't know at this stage how to make your woman feel like she's the only thing you live for then you still need some training! the guys who come out stronger after surgery are the ones who know how to commit to a relationship and can communicate this rollar coaster they are going on together. it's a challange for her and yourself to find the new you and have the both of you comfortable with this new image. and remember, it's an image, you're still the same person.

when i lost weight, i started wearing clothes that looked good, felt more athletic, played around with my beard and sideburns and stuck my earing back in (for a while...lol). hell, i felt cool again. she said knock it off and so i went back to being me again...lol. point is, have fun with it but try not to let it threaten her. if you think that now you're going to catch up on all those missed oppertunites then you can count the minutes how long you're going to be together. so in the end, just talk out what's on your mind about the journey. tell her you've feel like you served a sentence but committed no crime. free from your fat shackles you want to go out in nice clothes and meet people and do things instead of hiding and sweating. but make her part of this fun. ok, enough said, you get the point.

there's always therapy if you can't work it out between the two of you. this is something you did for yourself yet impacts others in so many ways. most for the positive but people are people and they have their own feelings, outlooks and slant on life. step back and ask them what's different from two months ago. i think you'll find the answer......carbonblob

Tom,  I know how you feel. All the stuff you you are going through right now is like this,  " IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES, BUT IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES"  The key for me is "BALANCE " without it we will all stumble and fall. Your most imoportant person in the world is you. Without you taking care of yourself you can't have a good base to carry all the other things in your life( Wife, Daughter, Job, Responsibilities).  Communicate with your wife let her know that your going through this stuff. Let her know your going to be around forever your not going anywhere. Keep up taken care of yourself and family. This is normal stuff  and will pass.  I hope this helps  Moore          

She is the most supportive of everyone. She is always making sure I am eating enough, taking my supplements, etc.  I wanted to join a gym and figured if I bought the equipment and do it in the basement I would be around and be more apt to work out. I get the **** for being downstairs too much and not hanging out with them. It's an hour to an hour and a half a night. The way I feel about it is this, she tries to keep me in this bubble. Less than 4 years ago I was playing semi pro football and everything was cool. I retired from that and took up softball, that was ok. The next year I had a freak accident and broke my leg taking batting practice and now everything I do she's worried that I'm gonna hurt myself. I am more apt to get mowed over by a bus than to get hurt doing something active. So because she's afraid having to take care of my son by herself, that is what kills my activities. I have tried to include her in my activites. I suggested bike riding and she found a flaw in it. I suggested maybe skiing next winter, flaw. You get the picture. Right now it is ok. As long as I do what I am supposed to things go fine.

welcome to post op life.  My wifes issue was that I started taking care of myself..and it made her jealous, she got mad when I had to buy new cloths for myself, and then when I weighed less then her..all hell broke lose.   As it was stated:  WLS will make a good relationship better, and a bad relationship worse....and it will expose an underlying issues that exist.   Scott