Hello Fellas!  Havent really posted on here but I have been reading bunch of pages on here for a while, Just wanting to vent and see if any of you have been through what im going through. I'm 21 had surgery on dec 12 and weight 340, Im now at like 255.    I use to talk to this girl and we were kewl and friends, and she knew I liked her then i go away for surgery and we start talking she knows I had surgery and stuff and we started talking back again went out and its like weird cuz she swears she doesnt know if she likes me but gives me really really mixed signals and like even says that shes not sure if she likes me that some times she does sometimes she does blah blah like she was honestly one of the reasons I went ahead for surgery and its like wtf I thought it would help things but it obviously didnt I dunno, shes really misleading at times, but were really good friends, but i dont know if I just want to be friends really, I told her i call her in a week to see how she feels still confused blah blah but i know that wont help any advice??? How has dating been after surgery? Like im scared to ask a girl out and like not really eat anything at the movies, or take her to a resturant and eat VERY little, I do admit I drink a little ( tried light beer, vodka, vodka coke) but how much dammage would going to a bar do to me if at all? I always been socially awkward with girls but now its like im getting more attention and not that afraid really but its like do i tell them about it? dont i?  I just dont know I started going to the gym and doing weight machines and cardio but if someone can either tell me what there LITERALLY doing like what machines, how much weights, how much sets, that would be helpful, im trying to build strength and size really, im a young guy so having a chest/shoulders wouldnt be such a bad thing. How much protein should I have when working out???? My nut says in general working out or not 50-60grams but that sounds low, If someone can like go step by step on what they are doing or if its on another post that would be great.I read workout books but its all not clear. To the all that read through this babble thank you and let me know what you think about any and all of this please.

First off congrats on the weight loss. My surgery was Dec. 14. Highest weight 375, day of surgery 324, today 243. The woman thing will work it's self out. When I was young I had it bad for this girl, we were friends. I followed her around like a pup. Finally I had to let it go and move on. Long story short, years later she gave me a call, she wanted to talk to a friend. Been married for 25 years now. Like I said it will work it's self out.  If you are going to a gym, they might have a trainer that could help you. It won't hurt to ask. The gym I use to go to included a secession or two with the membership.  My Nut told me to keep the protein at around 80 grams a day. I try to get in around 100.  pan head

Hey bpb! Welcome (officially) to the Board! First, Congratulations on the weight-loss! You’re kick-azz! You got a bunch of stuff goin’ on at once there. 21 and dropping weight like a sky-diver, with Girl problems, drinkin’ questions, protein, exercise… At first I thought- "This guy is So High right now!" Seriously, George Lucas wrote smoother monologues for Jar-Jar-Binks. But then I thought…. "Old Farts responding to Youth!" – Duh… Go on and babble here whenever you feel like it! That’s what this bunch is here for. Although, take what many of us say with a grain of salt, So far it’s the "Old-Dude-Married 25 (me too) years-guys" responding.

So- If you don’t mind "smart-azzed advice" from an old college professor…. The Protein? Yep, sounds low to me too. Figure that the average By-passer (RNY) mal-absorbs 28% of total Protein. 50-60 would be fine if you absorbed like a normal person Check "Normal recommendation" for your present weight- http://www.gofit.net/fitness-calculators-04.html

Then add another 28%…That should be fairly accurate. But, Do ASK YOUR Doc/Nutritionist about the Mal-absorption rate. The Woman? Give it TIME. Gals tend to treat the Big Guys With the same "We’re Friends" non-sexual attraction as they do Santa Clause. Before at your full weight? She had you in a neat category. Now? Your switching roles as you "shape-shift." She’s probably trying to figure out how to relate to the "New You." If you’re like most of the guys that have a fast radical body-image change from WLS, You’re working to figure that out as well. Yes? Give it Time. "…shes really misleading at times?" Women, in general, have that down to a very fine Art. I’m 25 years married and still thoroughly confused half the time. We started as best friends, still are. Give it Time. The gym stuff? PanHead hit it with the – "…might have a trainer…session…" stuff. But fear not, we have enough gym-Rats here To fill you in with all the specifics you’d ever want.

Going out to eat at a restaurant? No one really notices when people eat less. We just think they do. Let the focus be on the conversation And order expensive small stuff. You’ll just come off as having discriminating tastes. On the other hand… The Vodka? Suddenly, I’m clearly an Old Dad on this one… You’re 21?  Enjoy your youth.  I did. But, at 3 months Post-Op? Careful. Addiction transfer is THE hot topic among the Bariatric Community at present. And for a very good reason. Don’t let "a few" turn in to "A few too many" Or "a few too often." You don’t want to be a trim fit 23 year old with a drinking problem. Nothing is less appealing to the gals. Checkout this thread--- http://obesityhelp.com/forums/men/a,messageboard/action,repl ies/board_id,5479/cat_id,5079/topic_id,3248211/ More than you’d ever want to know… My Best advice? Relax. You’re 21 with the whole world of possibilities in front of you. NOTHING is out of the question yet. Billionaire, Movie producer, Rock Star, Nobel Prize winner, and if you aim low- President. Still in your 20’s, the muscle is easier to build, Still in your 20’s, great girls are easier to come by, You’re not just in your "Honeymoon Period" with the weight-loss, you’re in your "Honey-Moon Period" of Life. Enjoy it!! Enjoy it!! Enjoy it!! Well, that’s all from me…. (and you thought You babbled on……) Congratulations on starting the gym, and on your awesome loss! Keep it Up! Best Wishes- Dx

Great Advise DX........................I now know why i like your post!!!! your staight and to the point and with complete honesty. AWSOME! Keep up the fine work BIGGS

Congrats on your loss. Always remember this, woman are f****d up. One minute they're your lovey-dovey honey and the next your the biggest asshole in the world. Let the stuff with this chick flow. As soon as you stop looking for a relationship it is gonna fall in your lap, hopefully literally. Let her chase you. Once you hit the gym and get a little built up, chicks will start to notice. Once chicks start to notice you, she'll notice you more. As for the gym, pick this up: 

The Men's Health Gym Bible

by Myatt Murphy, Michael Mejia

It's got some pretty good tips and has beginner, intermediate and advanced workouts. My nut told me I should be getting about 60 grams of protein a day. She took me off my protein shake and the next thing I know I stop losing. I started myself back on it and BAM I am losing again. I have a shake in the morning with a little oatmeal in it, thanks Dx, eat my 3 meals with as much protein as I can fit, and then another shake after I workout. I figure each shake is between 30-40 grams a piece. Plus I just looked at that link Dx posted and it says I should get 146g a day. So now I am thinking I should have 3 shakes again.

Man, I'm 22 and know what you're talking about.......Been going through different ones for a year now and I'll tell you the secret to it all........they're crazy and you'll never be able to figure them out. Dying for you one day and then ready to leave you the next.......Sit back, date around and enjoy yourself.  It's a lot of fun, just don't let them get the best of you......Zap me an e-mail sometime. We're roughly the same age and I'm sure we're experiencing the same things.

This is good practice for my sons get older, hes 12 now.  You will NEVER figure out women. Don't play into the drama, the female species thrives on it. Like someone else said as soon as you quit chasing they will start chasing. Stay focused on the positives in your life and when the right ones comes along, like magic you'll know. NOT the RIGHT NOW one. but the right one. Not only are going through one of toughest times in life at 21, you are also going through one of the most important times in your life. Every decision  effects the next 60+ years of your life  Good Luck

sigh:::::::::::::::: I have to be honest, It was very comforting hearing from all of you and I thank you ALL for that. Everything is ALOT more clear and I think I have been putting this P__SY on a pedestal for no reason, I think im just gotta focus on what I really should be loosing weight, building muscle, meeting new girls, if something comes along it does....   Our last convo when we spoke and she was all i dont know if I like you bs i told her I will call her in a week to see where she stood, But I really dont feel like calling her next week or anytime soon, If she does call what should I say? or should I not even pick up? I dunno what do you guys think? As for protein yea I thought that was right, thats a great link that suggests the right amount, Thanks Dx.

Hey man - you already answered your own question.   Don't stress on what you are going to say to her - you don't need a script.  Tell her that being friends is cool, but you aren't looking for a serious relationship right now.  Tell her that you are focusing on yourself right now, and have decided to stop spending so much energy on "defining" the relationship you have with her.   And, once you say that, don't let yourself get caught up in "oh, I've decided I love you" bullsh*t either.   It's okay to put yourself first right now and you are learning new habits and focusing on being healthy.    Oh - and the men are right - you'll never figure out women, so learning that at your age will save lots of headaches down the road. Best of luck to you.   Chuck

True.