For the New Guys!- "Small Wonders!"

For the New Guys!

A Re-Post from the past! "Small Wonders!"

It started as a "Smoochie-Woochie-Post" (((hugz))) from a visiting Gal about the "sweetness of kittens" and crap and ended in this post---- "…endless supply of little things and little moments that can make us happy." Oh Yeah! The REAL "Small Wonders?" Those cheep, simple delights! The Things That Make You Go "Aaaaahhhh…." For Men!

------------------------------------------------------------------------- Turning anything, ANYTHING into a back-scratcher! Finally "picking out" that piece of chicken That has been stuck between 2 back teeth! Clipping the extra "Big Toe" Toenail off, In One Piece! When the mower cranks right up on the first pull! When the first cold front moves in Signaling the end of mowing season! Lighting up the Fireplace, the Grill, a Bonfire, a Cigar, Hell, just catching anything on fire that’s Supposed To Burn! Flicking out that little piece of sweat sock lint That was stuck between your toes! Getting to use ALL of the ho****er on Your Shower. Getting in the Hot Shower when you’re Really Dirty! Sharing the shower with your Honey, when you’re Not…. When that Lame, Romantic, Prime-Time Dramatic Series Has been Pre-Empted by Your Game! The weekend, When your only options at the Stadium Seating, Cinema 12 Are Action Flicks! When no one is around, getting to pick your nose! And getting out that little crumb that grips onto The nose hairs, right up in that little space in the tip of your nostril! Ahhhh…. Using your wife’s tweezers to get that little crumb. Emptying your Bladder outdoors while camping/hiking. Better yet, -Off the Side of a Boat or Bridge! Nearly dozing off during a haircut. Seeing that little reflected gleam, Just after hearing THE bolt, nut, lock washer, etc.. hit the floor. Using Any Power tool. Winning the pot on a bluff with a pair of 4’s. New Socks. Old underwear. Fireworks! When She makes the first move! Insisting that you "Turn Right Here," when everyone else in the car Says Left, and then being right! Being the only one who can get the baby to stop crying The minute you hold it. That little nap you get during Sunday afternoon TV. Doing anything that requires you to clean your hands with solvent. Pulling off boots! Stopping the gas-pump on "even money" in one shot. No fussy bumping up to the amount. "Sinking" anything "basketball style," when it seems to be an impossible shot. Rolled up socks, bounce off the closet door and into the hamper. Hat onto hat/coat rack, all the way across the room. Crumpled up coffee cup/ beer can into trash. (Particularly the behind the back shot.) (Better still if witnessed by at least 3 people) Pulling your shorts out of your crack, "Finally, they’ve gone!" When the Major Problem with the car is "Just the Fuse." Getting 1% more of a raise than you were Hoping For! LOSING the Argument of- "No I’ve got this." "No, put your money away!" "No, It’s my turn!" etc……. LOSING early in some lame board game with the kids So you can "sit out," and watch a little TV. LOSING more weight than you thought you had there to lose! ________________________________________________________ And a Second Re-Post- For those Not Having a Great Day…!

OK, Having fondly thought of Those "Small Wonders," My Cynical Side jumped up with a thought- What about those Little "Kicks to the Sack" That Life seems to spit at us Men from time to time. The Sounds, Feelings, thoughts, etc... Not the things that make us go- "Ahhhh…" But the motivation behind Homer Simpson’s - "DOH!!!" ----------------------------------------------- When your car says, "Buh-Boh-da-Pum-pm" Which translates in English as, "It is Done." When your car says this At an intersection in traffic. When the next sound it makes Is only Silence when you turn the key. WINNING the Argument of- "No I’ve got this." "No, put your money away!" "No, It’s my turn!" etc……. And then having your card rejected Because it expired last week. "Running behind, Gonna be late", Grab your razor Knowing it has a couple of good shaves left on it, And as it touches your face, You realize- Why your wife’s legs were so smooth last night! Bottom of the 9th! And--- The cable goes out! Having every tool imaginable EXCEPT the 7/8" Socket you need! The day after the first cold front moves in Signaling the end of mowing season, And your lawn is INSTANTLY Covered in Leaves to Rake! As you get in bed on Saturday Night, The kids are at a friend’s house, Your wife takes your hand Pulls it up to her neck, and says, "Do I feel like I have a Fever to you?" At the conclusion of an Awe Inspiring Bowel Movement You realize the only Toilet paper is in the hall Bathroom. And Your Mother-in-Law is there for a visit! OK, Actually, Anything, blah-blah-blah- And Your Mother-in-Law is there for a visit! You come home late from work, It’s after 8:00. There’s a great dinner on the table, Your wife is pouring you a drink, And as she kisses you, She hands you a small Present and Card And says, "Happy Anniversary." ….Which you thought was next week. That FIRST Ding on a New Car! Having to go "clothes shopping" with your wife. Having to hold her purse while she’s in the fitting room. Having a couple of the guys from work run into you While you’re holding the purse. After a whole weekend’s work And 3 trips to the Home Depot / Lowes, Having to actually call the plumber to fix it. Failing at the "Some Assembly Required" Project. Having to actually stop and ask for directions After you’ve said you don’t need to, 3 times. Getting that hair caught in the zipper. Having Snot freeze in a Moustache at the game. When the only time the baby cries is When you hold it. Buying condoms from Tony’s Pharmacy And Tony has gone for the day, And the Cashier is- 1.) Your now retired 9th Grade Teacher. 2.) Someone from your Sunday School Class. 3.) Your son’s girlfriend / daughter’s fiancé. Nearly done with the "Some assembly required project." It doesn’t seem to be fitting, You go back and read the – BEFORE You attach "X"…… Just after you’ve spent the last 30 minutes ATTACHING "X!" You look in the mirror seeing how great you’re looking Now that you’re losing so much weight, And notice "Ear Hairs!" Hearing- "Would you get me A box of Tampons while your there." And the Cashier is- *see above-

(1.) (2.) (3.) Anytime you receive the compliment of- "No, Bald Guys like you are Sexy!" Or- "A little gray hair makes you look distinguished." You’ve just finished telling the general manager What an idiot your co-worker, Darryl is, Only to have the General Manager announce In a meeting later that day- That Darryl has been promoted, To be your boss Losing the Biggest pot of the night While holding 3 Kings! Winning the Smallest pot of the night With a Straight Flush! When Any Woman, (No Matter how Dis-interested in her you may be) Says- "You Remind me of my Dad!" Anytime in the bedroom When your Gal has the need to say- "Oh No, That was Fine." When the lid just Won’t come off the Jar! And someone is waiting on you to open it. That distinctive feel that lets you know- "The nut has cross threaded." April 15th, 5 minutes from finishing your taxes With the "Cool-Assed Software" You finally figured out how to use, And have been bragging about. And? Blue Screen of Death. And she says- "But you saved it right?" Hawking the Big Lugey, And as you spit, having it "Go Wrong" And dribble on your shirt. Walking out of the bedroom in your underwear To get your shirt out of the dryer, Only to run into the old lady from next door Who’s stopped by to get a recipe from your wife. For the Single Men on the Board- That distinctive Taste Of Foot in your mouth after the following- "Who’s that new intern, what a Rack!" "That’s my niece." "Did you see that girls Ass" "Yep, She’s my sister." That solid and rich sound That the car door makes closing, As you see your keys in it. Getting that One Nipple Hair Caught in your Tee-Shirt! Planning on taking your Gal to the movies, Full-Well Knowing that the Weekend Cinema is Only showing- Matrix 4, The Latest Jackie Chan, The Newest Bond Film, And, Chris Rock’s Funniest Yet. When you get there, Much to her delight, They’re Also showing – "The Ya-Ya Sisterhood II." And- You get teary-eyed while watching it! Buying your Gal Clothes for a Present, And getting them a Size Too Small! Or- Buying your Gal Clothes for a Present, And getting them a Size Too Large! Realizing that you have to Clean those ashes out of the fireplace! Busy day, Meeting every important person That you can think of. And realizing your fly is open, And then realizing- You haven’t been to the restroom all day! Getting your "Wedding Tackle" twisted in your shorts And having no way to discreetly "Fix It" Because your with a group of your wife’s friends. Stepping into the next room briefly And doing the full out Squat, Hand up under pulling down move To finally Adjust your Tortured "Boys," And with hand still on your "Goodies," Looking up to see 2 of them who had been standing There the whole time watching. The Remote is Lost. You find it, But the battery is dead. Spilling it, Breaking it, Or Worst, Having it pinch your finger, Right after saying- "Here, Let me show you!" Yep, When taking stock of all of those Sweet little pleasures of Life It dawned on me that every Fuzzy little kitten, Cuddly little puppy, And sweet little baby, Will crap right in the floor Or pee on you If given the chance. Have a brighter day Tomorrow! Best Wishes- Dx