SUNDAY HUMOR

Sorry to be so late today, but I forgot to post this morning before I left for Indianapolis to meet up with Kim and Floyd Curtin and his wife Brenda.   Had a great time talking WLS and our expereinces.  Had a great meal and set  around talking.   Thanks Kim for setting this up and have a safe trip back to California. Now for your daily humor fix.  Since this is Sunday I will direct my humor in that direction. Dan ******************************************************************************************* Moses, Jesus and a very old man were out golfing one fine day. Moses drives his ball and it bounced off a tree into a water hazard. So he parted the water and knocked the ball onto the green. Jesus drives his ball and it bounced off two trees into the water. So he walked on the water and scooped his ball onto the green. The very old man drives his ball and it bounced off a tree into the water, the ball was eaten by a fish, the fish swam to the surface and was snatched up by a bird, the bird flew upward and was struck by lightning, the fish fell from the sky onto the green, the ball bounced out of the fishes mouth, and the ball rolled into the hole. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate golfing with your dad."

 

 

Predictable, but hilarious anyway. Ronnie

Alright guys don't beat me but I looked long and hard in my vast supply of jokes and this is what I have come up with. A man and a woman just had sex. The man pulls out a cigarette and asks the woman, "Do you have a lighter?" The woman replies, " There's some matches in the top drawer. " The man opens it and finds matches perfectly aligned in a row over a photo of a man. The man asks, " Is this your boyfriend?" The woman say's, "No" The guy asks, " Your husband?" The woman says, "No" The guy asks, " Well who is it then?" The woman replies, " That's me before my operation!"

OMG, THAT'S NOT RIGHT! I'M SURE THERE ARE SOME "FORMER MALES" OUT THERE THAT COULD FOOL YOU. WATCH OUT!  Ronnie

In honor of this day I have located this. Jesus and the Redneck An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the > restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him. The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. > He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the Waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and > asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang. How's about getting me a cold glass of Coke !" He too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "On my bill." As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door. Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and > he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door. Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me... I'm drawin' disability."

I promise I will stop now. Really. 1. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: People ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering, "five guys and two women stand up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 15. You know you're in a Redneck Church if: The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear". --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since I have not seen any post from you on the board I assume you are a newcomer. I want to welcome you to the Men's Locker Room the best men's support group on the internet. If you have any questions about WLS just throw it out here and someone will give you input. You know, humor is catching because once we laugh we want to keep it up. Dan