You're my community

Community is a hard thing to define.  To me it's about belonging, knowing people walk your path and that they have a genuine interest in helping you out.  I feel like I belong to this group.  To me, basically we're a group of addicts who get together to help keep everyone on the right track.  It's the best support I have.  I can't tell you how many times I've been freaked out and just felt instantly better by reading this board. I have met some very good, decent guys on this board.  I have enjoyed hearing your stories, sharing in your triumphs and defeats and even smelling your nasty FARTs.  To me, this is what the group is about and I try not to get too freaked out when people have differences of opinion.  I like to see everybody have their little spats from time to time because I think debate is a good thing, but what has happened over the last couple of days is honestly kind of creepy..  I hate to see things get all divided up and hateful.  It's a tough enough world out there.  I count on you guys to keep me from eating whatever isn't nailed down when I get head hunger!! I can't speak for every gay guy, and trust me, I wouldn't want to.  Gay guys come into the world with a problem for the most part.  It’s hard!  Way harder than I originally thought.  None of us pick this life, but I don't think I've ever met one who would trade his life if he could and become straight, no more than a straight guy would trade it the other way if he could.  It makes you see things differently, feel a little more empathy toward people who are the underdogs. 

 

If you survive it (and a lot of kids don’t…please remember that if YOUR kids need you to help them out), it makes you quick to stand up for yourself so you don't get beaten down.  That's why gay people react so hard when there's a threat.  Jokes can sometimes be threats, even if they're not meant to.  The threat is of being singled out, ostracized, kicked out of a COMMUNITY.  You can call it being overly sensitive if you want, but that’s generally what people say who are not in the group being joked about. 

 

I think that jokes are great, and let me say the one about the gay ranch hand ranks in my top ten!!  I love jokes that have a suprise twist at the end.  I don't think it's a good idea to post any joke that singles out any one subset of any population, but hey...who here is perfect and who gives a **** about my opinion anyway?  What do I know?  Just because I wouldn't come on here and post a joke about black people (or bible-beaters, jews, hispanics, crackers, etc.) doesn't mean that you can't come here and post a joke about gay guys.  I just personally don't think that it's really helpful to the board, just like I don’t think joking about black guys, bible beaters, jews, or crackers is helpful.  Imagine for just a second the reaction to someone posting a black joke in 2007!

 

You guys get it for the most part because you have been singled out, ostracized and kicked out of things for being FAT.  Some (not all)  gay guys and some straight guys (not all) smelled a threat and reacted, other people reacted back, and it worked out in some bunched-up panties and hurt feelings.  What did we learn from it?  We are all either fat or have been fat.  That's a bond.  We all have a dick.  That's a bond.  We all hate the boards over-run by female troubles (hey....just because I can make over your living room in 10 minutes flat  doesn't mean I want to hear about how saggy your vagina is now that you've dropped a deuce!) That too is our bond.  I’ll continue to focus on what makes us alike.

 

I just wanted to say I appreciate and have learned from all of you, no matter whether I agree with you or not.  I support your opinions whether I agree with them or not.  I feel a bond with you guys sometimes more than any other group (of any kind) that I belong to.  You guys are my community.  Thanks for listening.

 

Ken

"We all have a dick".   Some bigger than others.  Great stuff.  It should be required reading.  I don't usually read posts that are this long (Dx) but I liked this one. Scott

Since you quoted the dick line I can tell that you really did read all the way to the end.  Bravo!  And thanks! Ken

Ken, Well said. Enjoyed your post. DD

Thanks DD

Ken, ....just because I can make over your living room in 10 minutes flat  doesn't mean I want to hear about how saggy your vagina is now that you've dropped a deuce!

Pissed myself laughing…..

 

The Fact that we're all different is what makes this place work. No Copy Cats! No Thanks.

Someone offended, then someone else was offended that someone was offended, then someone else was offended that someone was offended by someone else being offended?..... Nothing could be More A-Typical of this Bunch. Only one Bunch that assimilates all differences -  

There's a Huge Difference between "Political-Correctness"  -Which few can actually defend, and Actual Kindness and Consideration of Others  -Which few can condemn. Any group that can't learn to get along with “itself,” Will soon exterminate itself.   There are empty ‘Ghost-town’ State Boards That used to be high-traffic support systems Sitting out there as testament to past divisions that didn’t resolve. In too many situations we automatically experience other people As "them" — not "us." This mindset is a detriment. When our ancestors were surviving in the jungles, it was important to have an instant "self-vs.-other" perception. Jungle animals eat other animals And no species can survive if all of its members are eaten up. This instant perception of "otherness" is basic to survival For “animals in a jungle.” But not Us. We can use a more effective ways to interact. Actual Kindness and Consideration of Others. Simple Compassion for your fellow man. By not being considerate of others, we are still creating a "jungle" of our civilized lives by continuing the operation of our "us-vs.-them" mentality. In the experience of Being Obese Men who are doing something about it, We're all in this together! “Compassion alone, is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves."  One last thought then I swear I'm off my pulpit, (yes Scott, mine is always Long) Perhaps where all of this went astray? One New-Guy-to-this-Board was upset by a post- From a Guy who is an infrequent poster. He said so.  Not knowing that -“I’m Offended” -is viewed here as such an oddity, No matter how offensive a post may be…. He was upset, and Said So. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda ended there. The real irony is that several other members Didn’t Stop to Consider that the guy who “was offended” Is sitting at 4 days from surgery. He’s more than likely a Frickin’ Raw Nerve right Now. He’s probably Upset by a lot of stuff right now. Stuff that he might otherwise brush off. Didn’t stop to consider that his being Upset In No way is an Open Call for ‘Political Correctness.” He was just saying- “This offends me.” Has every right to say so. Don’t like the song?  Don’t throw out the CD player. But there was a Coalition of the Willing to post- “I’m offended that you’re offended …” “I’m offended that you’re offended that he’s offended by your being offended…” There’s the sad-joke…. Hell, one of our most stable, respected And least easily offended members here Was posting- “Eddie Murphy can Kiss My Azz! He Was Very Offended by humor. -  “This offends me.” Then, he Thought about it, and posted back with- “I’ve thought about it, and I was being cranky.” New Guy does similar? Hmmmmm…."Not here you Don't Bud!" I’m all for showing someone the door who’s just dropping by to reprimand us for simply “Being men,” (a distant post from a gal and ‘the simple things’ comes to mind) But, We need to give guys a break. Consider that they may just have something else (besides a “Politically Correct” Agenda) On their plate right now… Like Weight-loss Surgery? Anyone able to imagine what that might be like? OK, off the Pulpit…. I think "New Guy" had much more to do with the reactions Than "Gay Guy" ever did.... Against my better judgement.... I’ll end with a Joke- What do you call a soft-spoken, “oddly different,” tender-hearted Jewish man, Who cries openly, Who wears a full-length gown, While hanging out with his exclusively male friends, Who still talks to his mom daily, And still hasn’t had sex with a woman Even into his early 30’s, And has no intention of ever doing so? . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus. And just look what they did to him! Best Wishes- Dx

 

 

Awesome post, as usual.  I can tell you've really thought it through.  I like that a lot. 

Dx,
As usual, I'm with ya... on ALMOST every point.

I'm gonna "out" myself here as the author of the "Eddie Murphy can kiss my ass" post. And, yes, A few days later I realized that I was beiing a whiney little bee-atch .

I think I was given much more latitude (hey, I spelled it right! ) than the new guy not because, I'm a "stable, respected member" (thanks for the props, though) but, because I brought up a point that EVERYONE on this board can personally relate to. Only a few here can truly relate to what Tall Man was talking about.

Of course, not everyone will be thrilled with everything they read here. But, that's part of the charm of the Men's Forum, isn't it?

Be Well,
A.J.

I must have missed something that happened on this board when I was asleep or something.  What happened? This has always been a place where everyone seems to get along well with each other and where all points of view are welcome.