Lack of Support is depressing

Pastor Bob... You know that my big mouth has to weigh in on this....Sounds like you had a hard night....(i'm gonna mix metaphores here and mangle the language more than our President) Remember, you are the leard of the flock, you take in to consideration the flocks opinion, but you are the learder... and as close as youare to these people they are not you....you are an individual, and people of the church make individual decisions all the time I was very unfortunate that tonight, these smart people were so uneducated on this subject....over the past months you have asked some pretty tough questions, and you handled the rough and tumble of the responses very well....seems to me like you did some home schooling and passed the course Now what is another expression, becarful what you ask for, you might just get it....and God will always give us what we need, it just may not be wraped the way we think it should be wraped... Looks to me like once the surgery is complete, you have a big support group, and they will not turn their back on you, they will do everything they can to help you succeed.. those pot luck dinners should be fun, lets see how the suger free/fat free Banana pudding goes over....I've had it...it was good.... In the future, you will have a big obligation with your church...when they see that youa re successful, and you will be....there will be people who think this is an easy desiceion.....and you have to help them with their home work... hey , when is your surgery date....I hope the new wing on the locker room is finished....we have tones of new players...(no pun intended with the tons joke) We are here if you need us Russ

You are right Gotoman, I am their spiritual leader and I have led them over the mountaintop and down into and through their blackest nights.  It will be interesting exactly the king of support I get from those who are watching closely.  When I have a sick day, they'll say 'told him not to do this.'  When I jog pass their walking - they'll say, 'wow, look at him go.' (LOL)  and when I pack all my skinny clothes and go to another church to serve - they'll say....wow....lo...ok...at.....him...........go. My best GoToMan, Bob.

Yannow pastor, make some lemonade? Turn this into a "teaching moment." ?  It sounds to me like these folks might have missed a sunday message or two.. and while they love you for being their pastor, they might just be blinded by that love at the moment.  After all, to the rest of the world, this is a pretty scarey process...and they could just be scared of the outcome for you...in short..scared of losing you. People do some stupid things in the face of fear. 

Pastor Bob, I imagine it is extremely difficult for someone in your position to be "selfish," but my only comment is that you must do what is right for you and your family first.  If having the surgery is what you have determined will be best for you and your family, then have it.   You may have to explain that you appreciate the love and concern they have demonstrated for you, both in support of your decision and in concern for the potential complications, but that this is a decision that you made in consultation with your Doctor, your Spouse, and your God.  The good people of your church will have to understand and respect that. Since your decision is already in the open, you may have to continue to address it that way.  Tell them that you will be open with them regarding your progress and your needs, both pre-op and especially post-op and ask them once again for their prayers.  Tell them that there will be days and times post-op when you DON'T feel good and that is when you will need their help the most.  As a pastor, I am sure you can present all of this within a scriptural context.  If they see that you believe in your decision, they will, too.  My guess is that >95% of them will respond favorably to this approach and the rest will get bored hearing about it. Hope you find my words helpful. Bob

Why don't you post the address we can write to and we can do a letter campaign of support for you, your choice, and our successes to help your well-meaning but misled group. I was 408 and could bearly function.  5 months later, down 135 lbs I feel tremedously better and feel like I have a second chance at life at age 50.  Ifelt so bad before surgery, I was sure I was going to survive surgery, so I had a talk with my wife and 3 daughters and we decided to trust in God and if I made it, it was what  was suppose to happen, and if I didn't ,..my quality of life was so miserable, I wasn't going to make it alot longer without the surgery anyway.  My hear had started missing beats.  Ihad always been as strong as a horse and carried my weight well, but that all changed between Dec 05 and Feb 06.  By the surgery date in Sept 06, it had gotten bad. Any ways, if a letter wring thing would help, I'd bet (if I did that sorta thing) the guys on this board would jump in an help.  Let me/us know what we can do. Joe

If not letters, maybe emails.

I'm sipping on Lemonade and thinking of my awesome support in here, one more test and I'll have my date (hopefully).  My daughters are young, 8 and 6, they don't want to talk about surgery risk, I don't blame them, in their opinion a fat daddy is better than no daddy.  I explain to them that I can't play some of the games we used to play because I have no breath or energy, but if I were thinner we could play until we all were worn out.  My wife just wants me back to good health. My email is [email protected], I'll be in the chat room tonight hopefully.  my address is Reverend Robert McQueen 314 N. Maple Ave Mountain Grove, MO 65711 Thanks again for all your awesome replies, without this forum I wouldn't be as far along as I am in looking forward to this. The Skypilot, Bob.

it's hard when the folks who you think are going to support you come at you in a different way.  they may even have felt they WERE trying to support you.   I'm a Lutheran Pastor, and for the most part folks were supportive.  The "talk" mostly took place behind my back, and then I would hear people whispering "oh, that surgery is SO dangerous."  Our church has about 80 on a Sunday, and our town only has about 2000 people, so everybody knows everybody and it seems everybody has an opinion about EVERYTHING.   At this point you just have to have a thick skin (should be worn at all times by a pastor anyway) and stay the course.   I can totally relate to how disheartening lack of support can be...  but know that you are making this decision to save your own life!   take care, and keep finding support right HERE! Joe

Hey Joe, thanks for the support.  And you are right, I'm sure that are a lot of people talking behind my back, you just have to know you can't please everyone!  Very thick skinned for sure. My wife is a Pharmacist and she said after we got married she started noticing a trend in medicines given to ministers, either stomach or nerve medicines, LOL Go figure.  She told me after she brought me home my prilosec. HA Ha I just chalk it up to uninformed and prone to believe sensationalism than to doing real ground pounding research. Thanks again, Bob.

Bob- As a past member of the Staff-Parish Relations Committee at a United Methodist Church, I think I understand your situation at some level.  Most SPRC's under-support their pastors and want to direct instead of empower.... so I would let it go.  If you're having roadblocks thrown up at you from people who don't understand.... maybe it's just the old Devil trying to take you out of commission. I'll be praying for you and yours in this difficult time.  As the leader of your church, you have to take a lot of personal and professional risks, and it's hard being always out there by yourself, but don't ever forget one of my favorite sayings- "Birds of a feather flock together....     but EAGLES fly alone." Best regards, Brian