Lack of Support is depressing

Men, I am a United Methodist Pastor of a medium size church (125 in attendance)  We have what is known as a Pastor's Relations Committee which functions as a support committee for the pastor.  They first requested that they meet without me for 20 or so minutes, well that is not generally done but I gave my permission, after an hour they called me in, now this is a committee that does not govern me, but is a support. I sit down and they begin talking about my  upcoming surgery, I let them know back at Christmas that I was exploring this avenue and that I was excited.  Everyone can use the support right?   But you know what, they didn't give me their support, they began to point out what a miserable surgery this was, that I was risking my life, that I was depressed (wasn't until after the meeting) that this surgery didn't work - that   people would gain back the weight they lost until they burst their tummies.  Well I stopped them in mid stride and told them the surgery was a tool in the hands of craftsman, it is only as useful as you permit it to be.  They tried to interrupt me...'Well according to Oprah....'  I told them it was riskier for me to walk across the parking lot at 400 pounds than it is to lay on that table and on top of it all, why shouldn't I choose to try and save me life. But as I drove home, the disappointment from their lack of support washed over me like a river that I just started weeping.  and I don't know why I'm sharing it here now except maybe I feel you guys are my strongest supporters in this....Sorry for going off the handle!  So...I guess I need your prayers that I can forgive them of their ignorance...... 'A well placed word is worth more than gold' Bob McQueen.

I'll pray for you my friend, don't let them get you down. This surgery is a life saver and it surely saved my life. You did the right thing, Keep on keepin on and try your best to get it done so you can live a healthier life. You'll be glad once it's all said and done that you did. Were here for ya

Thanks Tony, I don't know why their lack of support i****ting me so hard, but I appreciate your words of comfort.  Bob.

Thanks Paul, I think probably that is a part of their concern, of losing me.  As I am coming down to the wire  -  I'm collecting all the support I can.  It hurt, but I am going to keep on keeping on, got to, I've got a couple of little girls who are counting on me!  Thanks again, Bob.

"Well I stopped them in mid stride and told them the surgery was a tool in the hands of craftsman, it is only as useful as you permit it to be. " The good news is that in my experience the surgery is even better than that.  It creates a wholly different situation when it comes to losing weight and maintaining weight loss, It is unfortunate that your parishoners aren't being more supporitve.  But as I am sure you have noticed in your work, people generally are very self-centered and react to things based on their own issues.  If they continue to bother you perhaps you should suggest they become Presbyterians.

Thank you Exit88 for your support.  Yes, they have fears.  Most believe if I work hard on their farms I'd lose the weight, most don't see it as a disease.  And yes, I'm beginning to see some who are shaping up like Calvinists.   'A well placed word is finer than spun gold' Bob McQueen

Hey Bob, Well, it seems to me that the folks at your church really care about you.  Maybe you should schedule another meeting with your supporters. This time make sure to have more information to give them. That way "Oprah" never comes up in conversation. Show them the facts about re-gaining, complications, etc. Also add in all of your co-morbs. Maybe some information about dying from the co-morbs. Facts about how the surgery cures most of the co-morbs. What about some info on dying of a heart attack from being 400 lbs. When you do have another meeting, tell them what life is REALLY like right now, and how you feel about the surgery. I believe if better informed, then they would think differently about it.  I'm proying everthing works out for you. I know what it must mean to you to have them support your decision.  Think positive thoughts! Ronnie  

Next time Ronnie I'll go in with a secret weapon, a couple of shots of Old Crow would do nicely! LOL  Thanks for your kind words. Bob McQueen

i've responded countless times on this very subject. this is the reason FOR ME that i don't share this surgery with anyone. it has always been my philosphy, well, not mine but what i believe is true is the following....if you want to succeed in your plans, don't tell those closest to you. for whatever reason and there's a ton out there, it's the people closest to you that can railroad your plans. they watch oprah or have a relative who ate their way back blah blah and before you know it, they got your panties in a bunch and it's them that don't have a clue. remember all the research you did? remember your hundreds of posts here? remember reading thousands of posts here? this is where you come to get the real deal. sorry to rant here but it's just human nature not to let some people succeed in their quests. i've seen it so many times that i just don't tell anyone anymore what my plans are for my life or business. i do come here to be honost with you guys and get support. and that's what you need. hell, we'll tell you if you're going down the wrong path or need to slow down or rethink the surgery but we coming from a stronger position than some jerk off oprah got to come on her show because she ate 20 pizzas after her surgery and failed to lose weight. sorry if i come off a little strong on this subject because we elect to have this done. it ain't pretty and it's hard. add to that, it's not a cure and we have to develop a new skill set to cope with losing our food as comfort, developing head hunger, the list goes on and on. i would say a lot of us made it and you will too. until some of the church members had their guts cut up and tubes sticking out of them and have thrown up more in the last 6 months than they have in their entire lives, then i say shut up and let the man make his own decisions. you're doing this as a quality of life issue. stop with the idiotic failure stories and scare tactics. give a man a break will ya. you did good and we're all behind you. keep coming here and ditch the support group at the church. once you lose the weight and they see your happy, you can start the group up again. otherwise, just hang with us here. we'll support you......Carbonblob