Anyone ever feel like....

Does anyone ever feel like you are not at goal yet?  But in reality you are below goal?  I am 6'4 and weight 206.  I have lost a total of 149 lbs.  I work out 3 times a week and eat right.  I feel great, and am healthy.  The problem???  When is enough enough?  My surgeon set my goat at 225 lbs.  Clearly I jave surpassed that goal.  My personal goal is 199 lbs, and I more then likely will see that goal by my year anniversay...probably much sooner.  I get told daily that I am too skinny, gaunt, I look like Nicole Ritchie, skin and bones, clothes hanger body, skinny man...you name it.  But seriously I JUST DON'T see it.  I don't.  I see myself as smaller yes, but still not where I should be.  I am not PUSHING for 199.  If I don't see it I don't see it.  But I don't have a problem with losing.  I lose every week, and have lost every week since I had surgery.  I am really tired of hearing people comment on my weight.  I try not to even listen, or just comment with a polite thank you when the comments start rolling, even if they are mean.  I just want to shake them and say, yes I am skinny from what I used to be, but I am not that skinny.  I told my best friend that I still think I have more lbs to lose and he busted out laughing telling me I need to stop losing.  He said I might have some body image problem.  I asked other WLS patients and they said the body image thing will catch up.  Ok so when does that normally happen?  I wear 34 pants and large shirts.  I am happy with my progress.  But I just don't think my current weight should keep being brought to my attention out of concern...  It's not just mean comments, it's genuine concern.  How am I supposed to handle that?

I know where you are comming from.  My Ex called me a bone rack the other day.  All I could do was smile because I too don't see it.  I am a lot smaller than I was but I don't see myself as the small guy that others appear to see me as.  I have had no less than 10 people either tell me to gain weight or I was too skinny.  This is at 240lbs.  I would like another 15 off.  It is not like I am 150 on a 6'1" frame.  It takes a while for the mind to catch up with the body with what you see.  As far as other people, I have no clue where they are comming from.  Do what makes you happy and screw other peoples opinions. Scott

Hey guys, never forget that a lot of these comments come out of jealousy or the fact that your success makes others feel guilty that they are not gaining weight.  Life change is life change, and all of us have relationships that change and ideas that change.  We change, and that's what we set out for so our friends may change as well. What you have to discern is whether it is true concern, jealousy, or something else.   How is your workout routine?  How much is weight training at this point?  Is part of their concern the loss of lean muscle mass?  Your true friends are probably more concerned about that than your weight.  Upper body workouts in particular will help with the skin and bones aspect of it.  Part of looking skin and bones is part of the whole process though because the weight comes off faster than the body can adjust.  You are at a point now where you need to focus more on the body shaping rather than the weight loss.  If you continue to eat right, the weight will get reduced and you will "look" healthier to everyone around you.   Other people who are jealous or guilty that they are gaining weight, well there is nothing you can do but just let them be.  You won't be able to change them and you have to take their concerns with a grain of salt.   Your challenge is to discern who has which motivation. Y

Good point. However, It is said to be true that the delta between body image and body reality can be great. It is funny for me. I never saw myself as a 346 lb guy. I have always seen myself as the 260lb guy. Now that I am almost back to 260, I think my body image and reality are close. Will I continue to see myself as the 260 guy, when I am at 210 or even 190?  Time will tell. I know I am uncomfortable with the attention my weight loss has brought. I was in a meeting yesterday with 5 other people who had not seen me since October and I had to field many compliments and inquires. Next week, I am speaking at a trade association meeting to a room of 300+  who have all known me for years and have not seen me since October. Oh what fun that will bring! Being morbidly obese makes you invisible in a way, as I am sure many of you can relate. Having the spotlight shown on me now for an achievement, which is the overcoming of what I have always considered to be a character flaw in myself for in the first place,  is not the most pleasant thing to deal with psychologically. I can not even  imagine  hearing the "you are too thin" comments. That must really be a mind  ^%$#. JP

JP, what do you do that you are speaking in front of 300 people?  Just curious.  I get to do that too and the blessing is that now you won't feel the need to sweat or keep from sweating.

I am the founder, chairman of the board and president of the Texas State Wireless Association. It is a non-profit corporation I started last year to raise money for a few charities I support, provide a unified voice for the wireless industry in Texas and a networking environment for those who work in the industry. www.txwa.org is our site. We have a goal of $50K for charity this year! Our Q1 meeting in next Thursday, and we have a golf tournament planned for April 23rd in Dallas. Along with my day job, TXWA keeps me very busy. I went to college on a music scholarship, so performing in front of a crowd lost any anxiety attachment to it when I was about 8. LOL Take care. JP

Your post comes with perfect timing, as my weight today is one pound lower than my previous low. I'm now 5'9 173. But no one says I look emaciated, because my shoulders are at least one foot larger in circumfrence than my waist. I have people saying "You've lost a lot" OR "Your body is special" (Remember, I'm in Japan!). I think the difference is in the weight training. Plus, I've always gotten 150-200 grams of protein per day. I don't think I've lost any muscle weight from when I was MO.

Gain muscle and don't worry about it OR just be thin and don't worry about it. The main thing is if you lose mobility from loss of muscle mass or more importantly, if your body fat get to 7% or lower, it could be dangerous. Society in general is fat. Last time I went back to the states, I still weighed 205 and was thinner than most of the high school students I saw. So most people's perception of what a fit adult should look like is going to be way off. Go for health and mobility and forget about the rest.

Just my Two,

Dave

Hey J... Great question, I don;t know if you say the otehr day, AJ said he was at goal, now what was he going to do witht he rest of his life...this is true...we have only thought about our weight for so long, that it is habitual...the loosing...here is what I have done.... ok 5'6" on a good tall day...around 160#...I started at 365#... People comminted on how skinny I was when I had the head like a crack baby...you know that look like Star Jones....ET head...when I work on my shoulders a little more, the crack baby head seems to calm down...so people don't say as much any more.... When they do say something, I say...yeah ain't it great!!!! But on to your big question, when is enough, enough...for me, I had to go intelectual...I had to look at the paper, and my height and weight, and say, on paper i'm fine...and ignore the emotional..my emotions say loose more...you are still a lard ass... my eyes say, you are a lard ass...but I have to look at the data on paper....so you might have to get intellectual.... it's stange ain;t it..to have someone tell you you are too thin....and mean it.....sureal... Russ

I agree with Dave.  Weight training may be what you need to shut those people up.  Its good to be lean, but not necessarilly to be skinny.  I know I don't want to go from a fat out-a-shape guy to a skinny out-a-shape guy.  Any added muscle mass should improve things. Sonny

I, too, still see a "fat man" in the mirror & I am below goal, but still in the normal range (6'0"/170 lbs). I know that I have a body image problem & I get a little freaked out if I go above 1700 cals in a day. The good news is that I recognize it for what it is & I am addressing the problem. Even had myself an old-fashioned "pig-out" the other night (within post-op limits). I think many of the guys here have similar feelings and have replaced our food obsession with weight loss (or excercise, or both) obsession. If you're within the healthy weight range and you are in good health, and getting the proper nutrition, then don't worry about what others say. We didn't do this for others. We did this to get our lives in order so that we could enjoy our new selves and families. Great work, BTW. Keep it up & stay healthy.  Jay