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CB - Have been there and it's not easy - but it's damned well worth it! Got clean from cyrstal meth 17 years ago after I lost everything. Then started drinking more. I finally quit that i***** and have been clean and sober since. You've already done some of the hardest work - you've stopped and that's a HUGE accomplishment. Now it's one day, one hour, one minute at a time - whatever works to get you through each day without using. If you want another phone number for support if things get rough just email me and I'll be happy to be there. Meanwhile, keep doing what you're doing... one foot in front of the other. Steve

Fred, If writing quality, quality of help and level of caring is any indication, I'd say you are a very functional "addict". Certainly no visible symptoms on this end. Quite the opposite. Little doubt you'll succeed. Just a little bump in the road. The pain is what worries me. Hope the doc has something lined up for you. Cordially, Dave

Fred, Dude, I'm so sorry your going through this, but I'm beyond grateful that you have it together enough, and the strength to recognize it and pull yourself out of it. Once again, your a mountain of a man, taking your journey, and all the successes and heartaches and disappointments and joys.. and sharing them to be a signpost to others following after you. We all have addictive behaviors, thats the deal, why we are here. And when we take one addiction away, we start to look for another one, it's just the way it is. Your sharing this.. well it's ******g huge man, and your a damned hero. Take care of yourself, let others take care of you a bit more than you like, little men talk of shouldering burdens in silence and pain... giants among men are open and admit faults and emotions. And seek help when they need it. Rock on brother, you just keep on taking care of yourself, if you ever need to just talk, PM me and I'll give you my Phone #. Aaron

Fred, You are not now, and NEVER will be alone as long as this board exists my friend. And if this board would cease to exist, I would give you my number, or even drive to where you are so you were not alone. I read your posts, and think about your struggles, and it scares the hell out of me man. I take Percocet on a daily basis for back and knee pain, but I don't feel like I am addicted to them. I funtion normally and I am OK if I don't have them, just in a lot of pain. I think my doc and I are going to have to sit down and have a heart to heart. You have been and are there for so many of us on here who needed some advice or support, and now it's time to return the favor...twofold. It's about being part of this brotherhood. And that's what this board is, a brotherhood. There's not a guy in here who wouldn't hesitate to ask any question he may have and expect to get a legitimate response to it. And that's what I love about this board. One minute I could be reading about a guy wondering if it's normal for his balls to be dunking in the john while he's dropping the kids off at the pool, and the next post is a guy who is pouring his heart and soul out to a bunch of seemingly strangers who he's never met personally, and they reach out and touch him back. And now I'm going to holler at you. Don't you DARE feel like your problem is ANY less important or crucial, or even comparable to what happened to Randall. Yes, what happened to Randall was horrible, and we stood up for him. What is happening to you is just as horrible, maybe on a different level, but just as horrible, and we'll sure as hell stand up for you too. I can't speak for Randall, but I'm quite sure he would tell you that NO apology is necessary. Adversity is adversity, hardship is hardship, a hurdle is a hurdle. No matter what shape or form it may take, it still needs to be overcome. I lift you up in my prayers my brother. You focus on YOU for awhile. We'll be here when you're ready. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time and remember, you are NOT alone. Take care, and God Bless you my brother. YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS. THIS TO SHALL PASS!! Troy

Nice post CarbonBlob. Nice that you're working on getting a handle on it. We're of course always here for you. -Daniel

Hang in there CB! You can see from the replies how much everyone cares. It took me a couple of years to get off of xanax after I had stroke, so I can imagine what you're going through. Thoughts are with you bud! - Bobby

If nothing else Fred, you now know beyond a doubt that although you alone are walking this journey...you are never alone with it. Stay focused and in those times when the walls are coming in on you...stick out your hand into that darkness, there's a brother standing right beside you waiting to take it. +