Spouse against surgery... any suggestions?

I have a surgery date, but my husband is afraid that I will be one of the 200 with fatal complications. I currently have no major medical issues except for the obesity. I want him to come to a support group with me. Do spouses attend? Any one have this issue that can give me some advice on how to decrease his fear?

My husband is also scared of me having the surgery. But he is also supportive of it and when he went to the meetings with me he learned alot about the sugery and now he is more at ease about me having it. I am sure you can bring him, just ask. He will feel much better about the whole process if he understands it, just ask my husband. Just remember it is because he loves you that makes him afraid for you. If he needs to talk to someone just email me and I will pass along to my husband to help. Good Luck Amy

If your hubby can't round the corner on your surgery--would you consider the lap band for your surgery? Also, there have been spouses at the support group at the Brigham before. Wishing you the best. joan F.

Kate, I have been obese for almost 40 years. I have lost weight on various diets, worked with doctors and nutritionist, I had done it all. And I gained it all back and then some each time I tried to lose the weight. I became afraid of trying I had failed so often. I explored the surgical option in 2001. I found a surgeon, got lots of information, explained it all to my hubby and children. They were totally against the surgery. I have had 9 abdominal surgeries. My husband remembered all the close calls, the bad reactions to anesthesia, the pain I experienced sometimes for months after. He was so afraid of losing me and of me having a bad hard time with another surgery. He thought that the surgery was an easy way out of trying to lose weight. So again Monica put her needs on hold and just gave up. I gave up until 2003 when I could not stand myself anymore. I joined weigh****chers and had mild success. I joined a gym and had a personal trainer. It felt good to move and strenghten my obese, weak muscled body. But that too stopped in April 2004. My husband had lost 65 pounds with diet and the gym. He looks great, buff and handsome. He saw how I struggled and how I failed. When I again brought up the surgery again, he listened to me, really listened to me. I had three friends who had gone for the surgery. One, Melissa is a close family friend and my family saw how she had success. How she had faired with the surgery. My family agreed to support me. I went back to the same surgeon I saw in 2001 and started the process to my new life. That was in June and I had the surgery in December. My hubby and one daughter came to pre-op support meetings. My hubby came to all my doctors appointments. He became my advocate and so believed in me. He saw that I was in constant pain, I could barely breath, I could barely walk, I was existing not living. I am 57 years old. I had wasted too much of my life being obese, being a slave to food. I have many medical problems, diabetes- - fought to come off of insulin and take only oral medications - - won that fight; had multiple problems with leveling my thyroid function after having hypothryoidism for 19 years. I had so many issues fighting against me losing weight and I knew that without this surgery I could not continue to life and function anymore. Yes the surgery is drastic, yes it is life changing, yes it might bring problems, yes it might be lethal, but staying at 330 pounds was just as lethal, life changing, drastic, and problematic. I am thankful every day for making the decision to have this surgery. I had a wonderful surgeon, I asked all the right questions, I researched this deeply, I talked to people, I explored the good, the bad, and the ugly. I knew what could happen and I made sure that my family knew too. You have got to want this with your whole body and soul. This must be the final option. This surgery must be viewed as the TOOL it is, a means to behavorial modification with your love/hate relationship with food. I am amazed that people can have the surgery and return to those foods, eating habits, coping mechanisms, ways of life they have always lived. To be successful, to have the healthier life you want you must dedicate yourself to change. The surgery helps you achieve that goal. What you put in your mouth, what you decide to feed the tool will dictate you success. I asked the surgeon a few weeks after the surgery why I did not hurt from the surgery as I had after all the other operations I had had. He explained that with the Laproscopic operation he uses small, tiny instruments so that the invasion of skin,muscles, tissues was minimal. I kissed his hands for his expertise and control. My new life is wonderful. I have lost 50 pounds since 12/06/04. I have made bad food choices and learned my lessons. I take my vitamins and I drink water water water. I measure my foods, I write it all down, I track my intake on FitDay.com. I eat protein first and often. I follow what the Weight Management coctors tell me to do. I ask questions of them and the nutrionist and I visit this site often. Peers are wonderful to learn from. I did not mean to go on and on, but I am passionate about the choice I made, and I want you to be as passionate. Let you husband know why, truly why the surgery is the option for you to achieve a healthier life. Monica

I am going through the same battles right now with my parents. I struggle with it every day. My plan of attack so to speak was to educate them and myself the best I could. My Mom has gone to an informational appointment at the surgeons with me, and we are now planning on going to a support group soon. Its tough, but just be persistant, if you know this is what you want you need to speak up for yourself. ~Ellen

Kate, I experienced the same thing. My mom and husband were so against me having the surgery, because of the death rate. I told them that I wanted a better quality of life than what I was living. I told them that this was something I had to do, and nothing was going to stop me. I had my surgery on August 9th, and I am six months out. I have lost 120 pounds and I feel wonderful. I am enjoying life again. I am 27 years old...I've never had children, and I am hoping to start in a couple years, now that I am healthy. I still have about another 50 pounds to lose. Don't give up on having the surgery. They are so glad that I did it now. I was a lucky one with no complications during or after. But if you have complete faith in your surgeon, you will be fine. Good Luck! Hold your ground! Brenda

I can sympathize, my family was also very very apprehensive about my surgery. I was like you no medical problems other than obese, I sailed through with no complications other than learning to lesson when my body said it did not like something. What made them feel better, I had them talk to the surgeon. He was great, he gave them all the attention they needed. I also made it clear that I was miserable and would probably be dead before 60 if I kept up this pace, I am only 40. I am just a bit over 3 months have lost 74lbs and feel fabulous! I run evry day on my treadmill and signed up for a 1/2 marathon next January. You have to do this for yourself ultimately. Take their feelings into to condsideration but like an alcoholic it has to be for you. You are worth the fight.