xpost- i cheated- my situation
cross post from another board, my situation and what ive been going through. things have gotten a little better but im still having a tough time.
post: i havent been on in a while, ive been really down on myself, i lost close to 20lbs in the first week and feel like ive hit a wall, netween the nasty weather here, my staples getting infected and swollen, not getting enough water and protein in and moving i feel like crap. so the past couple of days ive cheated. i hate that, first last week i sucked on a piece of feta cheese and its been down hill from there, this weekend i licked the tuna off the spoon, and ate a greenbean off my sons plate and tonight i stole a piece of mashed up hot dog and sucked on it until there was nothing left and just swallowed, also stole some macaroni and cheese off his plate too, which i regretted later when i felt it get stuck and somehow felt i needed another piece. im a failure. this surgery was my last resort and i am two weeks out and i already screwed it up. i dont mean to come on here *****ing, ive been so hungry lately that it got the best of me and i let it. i am fully prepared to say that this is all my fault. does anyone else know anyone who has failed like this? is there any weight loss hope now that ive gone and screwed it all up? should i just throw in the towel and say screw it? does anyone out there know what im going through?
thanks in advance... :(
sadly,
jill
post: i havent been on in a while, ive been really down on myself, i lost close to 20lbs in the first week and feel like ive hit a wall, netween the nasty weather here, my staples getting infected and swollen, not getting enough water and protein in and moving i feel like crap. so the past couple of days ive cheated. i hate that, first last week i sucked on a piece of feta cheese and its been down hill from there, this weekend i licked the tuna off the spoon, and ate a greenbean off my sons plate and tonight i stole a piece of mashed up hot dog and sucked on it until there was nothing left and just swallowed, also stole some macaroni and cheese off his plate too, which i regretted later when i felt it get stuck and somehow felt i needed another piece. im a failure. this surgery was my last resort and i am two weeks out and i already screwed it up. i dont mean to come on here *****ing, ive been so hungry lately that it got the best of me and i let it. i am fully prepared to say that this is all my fault. does anyone else know anyone who has failed like this? is there any weight loss hope now that ive gone and screwed it all up? should i just throw in the towel and say screw it? does anyone out there know what im going through?
thanks in advance... :(
sadly,
jill
Hi Jill,
For sure I would call the nutritionist at your hospital and check in with the psychologist to try and get at the root of the matter.
I have had a few moments here and there but my first 6 weeks I was afraid to do anything other than what they told me. I figured there must be a reason they have you do it. Try and go back to stage II and try and commit to it. Take it one meal at a time. If its too tempting to cook for others, then enlist some help. Or eat your meal first so that your not even hungry when you make theres. Look in the mirror and see where poor choices have led you & I. I don't want to go back to that person, do you?
Be strong and get some help, don't go this alone. I doubt you are the first to fall off the wagon. I personally enlisted a local therapist to help me stay on track with this and other issues, that might be helpful for you too.
For sure I would call the nutritionist at your hospital and check in with the psychologist to try and get at the root of the matter.
I have had a few moments here and there but my first 6 weeks I was afraid to do anything other than what they told me. I figured there must be a reason they have you do it. Try and go back to stage II and try and commit to it. Take it one meal at a time. If its too tempting to cook for others, then enlist some help. Or eat your meal first so that your not even hungry when you make theres. Look in the mirror and see where poor choices have led you & I. I don't want to go back to that person, do you?
Be strong and get some help, don't go this alone. I doubt you are the first to fall off the wagon. I personally enlisted a local therapist to help me stay on track with this and other issues, that might be helpful for you too.
Jill,
You have not failed. You haven't quit yet... and I hope you don't!
You are not physically hungry, but you do have a bad case of head hunger - and you should try and talk to someone about that. Seriously, talk to the psych person, the nutritionist, anyone who has experience with obesity and/or eating disorders.
In the meantime, take it one sip at a time. Do what the other poster said - have other people help with preparing meals, whatever it takes. You need to focus on this - if you can learn the good habits now, you will succeed in the long run.
No one is telling you this is easy, it's HARD. Don't give up, though, you can make it work!
*hugs*
Sue
You have not failed. You haven't quit yet... and I hope you don't!
You are not physically hungry, but you do have a bad case of head hunger - and you should try and talk to someone about that. Seriously, talk to the psych person, the nutritionist, anyone who has experience with obesity and/or eating disorders.
In the meantime, take it one sip at a time. Do what the other poster said - have other people help with preparing meals, whatever it takes. You need to focus on this - if you can learn the good habits now, you will succeed in the long run.
No one is telling you this is easy, it's HARD. Don't give up, though, you can make it work!
*hugs*
Sue
Read my blog, BARIATHLETE I run because I can.
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
First 5K race October 4, 2009 (34.59) PR 5/22/11 (27:26)
First 5 Mile: January 1, 2011 (50:30)
First 10K: July 4, 2010 (1:03.26) New PR 4/10/11 (1:01.14)
First 10 Mile: April 11, 2010 (1:46.15)
First 1/2 marathon: June 13, 2010 (2:22.21) PR: 5/1/11 (2:17.30)
First Marathon: October 16, 2011: 5:47:20
Goofy Challenge: January 7-8, 2012
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. - Mary Kay Ash
Jill,
Don't give up. I can tell you that I've been battling wicked and constant nausea since coming home from the hospital. They have switched me from Carnation Instant Breakfast to Glucerna. Anyway today is the first Nausea free day I've had and I can tell you the head hunger is now popping it's head up. Tonight I wanted to eat my hubby's dinner but I'm so afraid of hurting myself that's why I don't cheat.
I'm sorry you feel like a failure... I would suggest you call the weight center and see if one of the behaviorist can visit with you.
I can tell you this is wicked hard and I can't wait to go on soft/pureed foods in a week and a half... which seems like an eternity. You're not alone Jill, but please reach out for help from the weight center, they are there for all of us even when we are stuggling.
I know this weather has been horrible, i hope it cools off for us all!
My staples started to ooze again today after a couple of days of not oozing at all. I don't know if that means something is wrong but I'm having my mom (who is a nurse) come over and check is out.
I'm on Facebook too Jill, if you want to connect with me on there too. I'm here for you!
Robyn
Don't give up. I can tell you that I've been battling wicked and constant nausea since coming home from the hospital. They have switched me from Carnation Instant Breakfast to Glucerna. Anyway today is the first Nausea free day I've had and I can tell you the head hunger is now popping it's head up. Tonight I wanted to eat my hubby's dinner but I'm so afraid of hurting myself that's why I don't cheat.
I'm sorry you feel like a failure... I would suggest you call the weight center and see if one of the behaviorist can visit with you.
I can tell you this is wicked hard and I can't wait to go on soft/pureed foods in a week and a half... which seems like an eternity. You're not alone Jill, but please reach out for help from the weight center, they are there for all of us even when we are stuggling.
I know this weather has been horrible, i hope it cools off for us all!
My staples started to ooze again today after a couple of days of not oozing at all. I don't know if that means something is wrong but I'm having my mom (who is a nurse) come over and check is out.
I'm on Facebook too Jill, if you want to connect with me on there too. I'm here for you!
Robyn
Robyn
Highest known weight 268 lbs.
Lowest weight since surgery 115 lbs.
Currently maintaining at 125 lbs.
My RNY has saved my life and given me a new life!
Highest known weight 268 lbs.
Lowest weight since surgery 115 lbs.
Currently maintaining at 125 lbs.
My RNY has saved my life and given me a new life!
hey jill -
so sorry to hear what you are going thru. you are so not a failure!! as dr. phil says "you can't change what you don't agknowlege" and you are totally coming out to all of us and yourself that you need extra help which is the first step. it is so hard becuase we have to cook for our kids, and be around food all the time...its not like alcohol or smoking where you can avoid it more. i totally recommend dr. marjorie kaplan. she is my therapist and used to work at the weight center and is also the leader of the compulsive overeating group i go to. (there are pre and post ops in the group - we are all struggling with the same thing...you know it's bad, so why do we do it issue. write on your hand, put a sign on your fridge, keep a water bottle in every room of the house - whatever it takes to get you thru the first few weeks. my friend tested the waters esrly too and that is her biggest warning for me so far. just know you are not alone and everyone says it sucks so bad, but no one ever regrets it. someday when we are one of those skinny *****es we like to tool on - we will look back at this and laugh :) it is just so not funny now!
one day at a time...
i am preop - so i am not 100% sure what i am talking about...but i do look forward to being in your shoes soon enough as weird as that sounds! (i meet with dr kelly sept 3rd)
hugs!
Kat
so sorry to hear what you are going thru. you are so not a failure!! as dr. phil says "you can't change what you don't agknowlege" and you are totally coming out to all of us and yourself that you need extra help which is the first step. it is so hard becuase we have to cook for our kids, and be around food all the time...its not like alcohol or smoking where you can avoid it more. i totally recommend dr. marjorie kaplan. she is my therapist and used to work at the weight center and is also the leader of the compulsive overeating group i go to. (there are pre and post ops in the group - we are all struggling with the same thing...you know it's bad, so why do we do it issue. write on your hand, put a sign on your fridge, keep a water bottle in every room of the house - whatever it takes to get you thru the first few weeks. my friend tested the waters esrly too and that is her biggest warning for me so far. just know you are not alone and everyone says it sucks so bad, but no one ever regrets it. someday when we are one of those skinny *****es we like to tool on - we will look back at this and laugh :) it is just so not funny now!
one day at a time...
i am preop - so i am not 100% sure what i am talking about...but i do look forward to being in your shoes soon enough as weird as that sounds! (i meet with dr kelly sept 3rd)
hugs!
Kat
Jill you are not a failure!!! You have made some "not so wise" choices, but it's not too late to change that.
I know it's easy for me to say the following since I haven't been in your shoes yet, but I am sure you would say it to me if I needed it later!!!!
Decide from this moment on you will follow the rules, and if you "flub the duck" again, you just pick yourself up again and keep trying to do the right things. Just because you make one lousy mistake, doesn't mean you can't stop making them.
I have heard about that group one of the prior posts mentioned w/ Dr. Kaplan, call the weight center it could help. Also, try to make this months support group at UMass, 8/27 6pm. Coming on here for support, talking to the weight center about getting involved with a small support group, your behavioral therapist, and the monthly support group they are all there FOR YOU, and for times like this that you are going through is EXACTLY what they are there for. So, take advantage of that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!
((((Hugs)))) ~ Mara
I know it's easy for me to say the following since I haven't been in your shoes yet, but I am sure you would say it to me if I needed it later!!!!
Decide from this moment on you will follow the rules, and if you "flub the duck" again, you just pick yourself up again and keep trying to do the right things. Just because you make one lousy mistake, doesn't mean you can't stop making them.
I have heard about that group one of the prior posts mentioned w/ Dr. Kaplan, call the weight center it could help. Also, try to make this months support group at UMass, 8/27 6pm. Coming on here for support, talking to the weight center about getting involved with a small support group, your behavioral therapist, and the monthly support group they are all there FOR YOU, and for times like this that you are going through is EXACTLY what they are there for. So, take advantage of that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!
((((Hugs)))) ~ Mara
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