argument with husband days before my surgery

well this sure sucks.

I have been sleeping in the spare room to get used to the bed in there as that is where I am going to recooperate after surgery. My 11 yr old has been coming in when he wakes up claiming he is cold, but really I think he is anxious. His dad and I have been divorced for 10 years, but his dad has refused to see him for the last 8 months.

So my current husband comes in while I am online and barks about him sleeping in the bed with me again.  sigh. When I explained that I thought he might be anxious about the surgery my husband, who is at least 365 pounds, said he didn't even know why I was having this surgery and I should just eat less and exercise more. I can't tell you how much that advice is appreciated 5 days before my surgery from the "guru" of healthy bodies <>.

Is this a normal thing for the spouse you thought was supporting you to snap? 

I had 4 hours of sleep last night and spent most of the evening in tears having just found out that an old friend that I had lost touch with is dying of cancer and has days to live.

I'd have to say that YES ..it's pretty normal for couples to go through this! It sounds like he's anxious/nervous too and the only way he knew how to handle it was to get snippy with you! I see this a lot in the other boards. My brother said to me once in a fight that I didn't need the surgery ...I should just stop being lazy and lose it the right way. He is also over 300 pounds and I took his comment as jealousy.

My other half use to say all the time "you'll just get skinny and find someone else". Ahh..that was always nice to hear! 

I kinda think that a lot of husbands/wives go through anxiousness and a little bit of jealousy. They get use to us being big and maybe they are unsure how they are going to like the new us! But I think the snippy comments eventually fizzle out once they see how much better we are all together.

Good luck! 

And sorry to hear about your friend.

Absolutely normal! My husband and I are on our way to divorce (and have been for more than a year, another story) and he waited until the night before my surgery to flip out about it. He tried to pick a fight with me about it and told me he didn't "approve" of what I was doing.

Remember that they are nervous, too. I imagine that he also is looking at the fact that you aren't sleeping with him, but letting your son. I'm not saying that it isn't right to comfort your son, but maybe hubby needs some comforting too.

Good luck with your surgery!

Martha

sounds exactly like my husband when he's out of touch with his feelings.  sorry, i know it doesn't feel any better when you need him to be supportive.  you can try asking him how he's doing with it, sometimes that works for me.  then again sometimes he just gets defensive :p

men in general i have observed through my own relationships over the years and friends too do not handle it well when the women in their life get sick.  i could be wrong and i know there's a lot of great guys out there who are a pillar of strength for their gal when she's in need of TLC, but i do see this as a trend and it's not pretty.

it's thier insecurities. They feel threatened if someone else might show interest to us. so we are protected under all of the fat atleast thats how guys look at it. Little do they know that other men find us attractive in our fat suits too. I have had plenty of guys attracted to me as I am now. I just don't feel that way.

Thanks all and I suspect that you all are right and that he is anxious too. I don't think he is jealous but I do think he is thinking that I will change and leave him and nothing could be further from the truth. 

Less than 36 hours to go! Yikes! As of Friday they still didn't even have the insurance approval, but when I got home I had the info in the mail so hopefully they have it all worked out.