Hello, just need to talk/type

Hello everyone-I have been been researching weight loss surgery for about 4 years. I started my journey May 29th, 08. My insurance required 6 month of a doctor supervised diet. I had all my tests in July and finally received a surgery date of Feb 3rd. My surgeon is Dr Shen at the Center for Weight Management in Chelmsford. I live in Exeter NH so I drive a long way. I am excited but scared. I am getting the lap band as I am an overeater and can do without sweets. My mother is a wreck which in turn makes me a wreck. She does however say things like "well you won't be able to eat this and eat that". You would have to hear the comments to understand the tone. I never had a weight problem until I hit my late 20's, I will be 42 in a week.  My sister had the weight problem growing up, and now she is a little overweight but I think she looks fine. She will try to sabatoge (sp?) me after I have my surgery, she does it now. If we go out to eat she will say things like "oh you can't eat all of that or you will never leave room for dessert" Well #1 no, I will NOT eat all of that and #2 I do not like desserts. I think she wants me to prove her wrong and fail. She gets a little snippy with me and tells me I am going to extreme with WLS. So I say nothing now.

I have been going throught this alone as my mother and sister are too "busy" to come to a meeting with me or they don't feel like traveling that far. My BF never talks about it or asks questions. I have 2 friends that had the LB and one of them is doing great as she is 4 years out and has been at her goal weight for 1.5 years and my other friend is 3 years out and she failed, lost 50 and gained 70 back. I don't want to fail, she does not play by the rules and hates chewing her food so now she eats things that go down easily. I think she thought this was going to be an easy fix. I feel like a bad friend as I have not told her I was having surgery.

I haven't told many people at work as it is non of their business, my boss knows and a few close friends. Sorry if I am babbling, I'm getting so scared and there is no one to talk to about this. I found this website and who better to talk to then people who have or are going through this surgery.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the best support system there is, ObesityHelp.com is my biggest support. Day or night, rain or shine, my online brothers and sisters are here!! I started the process with just my adult daughter on board. I didn't tell my husband until I had a surgery date (that is story for another day) as I knew he wouldn't 'approve'.

I've told lots of people and had the same positive and negative feedback as others have had. Only I can control my ultimate outcome. The surgery is much less likely to fail than how it is used. The more you read on these boards the more you will hear that they can only operate on your body, not your brain. I too am not a sweet eater, but fatty foods were my favorite. For that, and other reasons, I chose RNY.

I also went through The Center for Weight Management in Chelmsford and think that they are wonderful. I have met some wonderful friends at the support group meetings (maybe we can meet at one soon!)

As for sabotage... it will happen with some people. I haven't given in to it yet and hope never to. When someone says to me "Oh, you can have a little of that!", my reply is "Just because I can doesn't mean I will." Each time I 'don't' makes my resolve stronger. If it is an ongoing problem with any one person, you either have to work it out directly with them that they CAN'T do that anymore or you will have to limit your time together.

I hope my ramblings have helped :)
Martha

You are in good company here. The board is a little slow but there are lots of wonderful members who CAN and WILL be supportive in your time of need.  Sometimes we have to "choose" to fight this battle alone.  Use your support groups if they are available. They are worth it. The Lowell center for weight management is excellent for its support groups. There are some other members who drive from NH also.

I didn't have the band, I choose the bypass because i wanted to be sure i would never eat any sugar again. I wasn't big on sugar to begin with but i didn't want that temptation.

It is extreme. It is difficult. NO quick fix, no easy way out. Just because you have the surgery the pounds don't miraculously disappear. We work hard for this. We suffer in many ways physically, emotionally and alot of times we do it alone. This is a commitment that we make to save ourselves. To get our lives back. To be healthy. To be free of our physical prison.

BRAVO to you for making this choice. You are NOT alone!

Try  to just think about it for yourself and your issues...This is not an easy fix at all...but the odds will be much better of getting to a healthy weight and staying there after the surgery...

I was concerned about the social and family stuff early on too...I have a complicated group of friends and family. they all had their 2 cents to add of course...but much to my surprise they have all been just fine with this.  

It effects me so much more than them anyway and they lost interest in my changes quickly..

.I simply cannot blame anyone else for my post or pre surgery behavior anyway...

My Mom is constantly asking me to go out to eat and I keep saying no, its a waste of money....My family had goodies around at Christmas and when they lost interest I tossed them... My eating now is ALL ABOUT ME..so whatever they think or do might make it a pain...but i still have to do the right thing...

The biggest aspect I am working with right now is the fact that eating is not such a huge deal for me now...I don't eat much at all and its pretty simple... So socially things are very different...theres a lot of extra space where food used to be...  Room for some new habits or hobbies or something better to do than eat...

This has by no means been an easy ride...And I think  the Lap band is even more complex...It takes a lot of relearning of your body and needs and feelings and all sorts of stuff...You will have to work hard and really listen to your body, doctors and the people that know about the process...The good news is that there are thousands of those people on this board all the time that can help you... This is your website and will help you to learn and succeed.. Welcome and best of luck to you...

Hello and welcome.  Lots of what you said were the same for me - I was the athletic one growing up, didn't start gaining weight until I met my husband and Ben and Jerry.   My mother is not supportive, so I didn't tell my parents until I had the surgery date.  Then she said nothing, really (which was nice).    If you don't have a mentor (or angel) yet, you can always email or call me.  I didn't have lapband, but have good listening ears.   The best thing that I had before surgery (other than hubby), was a mentor that I could email back and forth - and we did almost every day.   Maybe you can find somebody also from the lap band forum for specific information and support.    And don't worry about babbling.  Especially here!!