My Husband Doesn't Care About My Weight Loss

I have always weighed more than my husband.  My husband is also a big guy.  I had the weight loss surgery on May 23rd of this year and am down from 310 to 225.  My husband NEVER has anything to say about it.  Just weighs himself everyday on the scale (I can tell because it's put back backwards whenever he uses it) and never ever says I look nice, thin, congratulations, NOTHING!  In order to get a compliment about it out of him I have to ask him like a hundred times, "do I look thinner?  Where have I lost the weight? etc etc" and then he gets all irritated and goes, "I already told you, you look thinner... In the stomach, in the stomach".  He just could care less... I think maybe he's jealous I'm thinner and weigh less than him now?  Shouldn't he be proud to have a wife who looks better than I did before??? 

Jenn, it's quite possible he feels threatened and inadequate because he now sees how happy and healthier you've become since your surgery.  He sees how fast you're losing the weight and might wonder what was so bad about your time together before? We're miserable with the extra weight, but men as a rule, still see themselves as they did at 18. :)  Not until it effects his health do they tend to really care about looks. My husband comments that he's proud of his gut even though he's looking a lot like Buddha lately.  Guys just aren't as self-consious as women are.  Feel free to email me privately if you want to talk more! :)  CONGRATS ON YOUR AMAZING WEIGHT LOSS!! Marie

I'm telling you - I swear if my husband and I didn't BOTH go through the same surgery and weight loss, we would be divorced by now. I know that's dramatic - but it's such a huge journey with insane amounts of changes, I would not be able to DEAL with him if he went and lost 190 lbs. and left me hangin' at 300 lbs, yanno?  It would be nearly impossible NOT to be jealous, even if I tried not to be!  And, then what happened to my eating buddy? Just think about that for a minute.  It can be really emotionally upsetting to the other person.  Even if they are trying to be really good about it - and strong.  This WLS stuff tears couples apart.

You know how they have a support group for people who are close to drug addicts and alcoholics, well just maybe we should start a support group for people who are married or partnered with someone who has had bariatric surgery and they could cope better.  We could call the group BSSG-(Bariatric Surgery Survior Group) and husbands and wives or significant others who are having a hard time coping with their partners weight loss can go and vent and share with each other just like we do at support.  They must be having feelings and if they knew there were others that were feeling the same, they could rely on one another just like we do. Just a thought but I wish there was some one or some where my husband could go.  If I ask he will tell me but he also says nothing.  I went to my mom's 70th birthday this weekend and he couldn't.  I was dressed nice and got my hair and nails done and when he saw me when I came home, he said ABSOLUTLY NOTHING.  My son's all said I was a knock out and you know teenagers never compliment their mothers.  But all three of my sons said I looked great.  I thought that was enough but it wasn't. I start seeing a therapist tomorrow.  Hopefully she can help me sort out my feelings about all of this. Stephanie

Great idea!

My husband and I have gone through this periodically.  Mostly, periodically I lose my temper because he's ignoring me.  He will actually go so far as to stop touching me.  Through LOTS of talking (not his favorite thing) I finally realized he just has a really hard time with change - like most guys and he saw me as 'fragile', which I found funny actually.  Give your husband some time and try to talk to him about what he's feeling.  He could be scared, overwhelmed or just confused. Good Luck!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts!  I really appreciate your opinions on this and will try to sit down and talk to him about this.  With my husband, sometimes, it takes a bit of prying to get some answers as he's not very open with his feelings.