approval/date then tears? long post

Hi, I'm a bit of a lurker. I've been so obsessed with reading everyone's post everyday that I haven't done much with my profile, ticker, signature...nothing! I will have to figure out how to do all of that soon. So..........here is my big news. I talked to my surgeon's office today and I'm approved and I have a date. My date is January 16th for an Open RNY with Dr. Randall in Medford, MA. I know many would love to trade places with me and have their date set.. however, I told the office manager that I needed to call her back. That conversation was so overwhelming that I was at loss for words. I immediately called my husband, who is very supportive and told him my news. He thought it was great! I, on the other hand started crying. I couldn't even get the words out as to why I was crying so I'm going to try to type it. I hate the "what if's". I was watching the kids outside with my husband yesterday putting up the Christmas lights and I'm thinking "what if" this is that last Christmas I spend with them? I know that must sound silly but I can't help myself. I'm sure I'm just nervous like everyone else. However, I'd been feeling calmer the last few weeks and was surpised at my sudden breakdown today. It's been like a rollercoaster... I'm fine for a few weeks then I get this overwhelming feeling about the kids and all the "what ifs". I'm hoping someone can help me with this. I do not really worry so much about the surgery itself, I worry about complications such as blood clots that may happen afterwards. I don't want to be a patient that calls the Dr's office everytime I have an ache or pain. My Dr. says that I'm very healthy going into this other than the weight, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol etc. Thanks for putting up with my rambling on and on...... anyway, after I talked to my husband I went to talk to my boss. She is also the person who handles all the HR etc. I told her that I needed surgery and told her what I was having done and told her that I wanted it kept confidential for now. She was really good about the whole thing so that made me feel much better. So, after talking to her, I called my surgeon back to confirm that I wanted that date. Yipee for me! I will not have much help following surgery.... I am still worried about that a bit. It's more important to me that my husband try to do his best with the kids when I come home and keep them on a regular schedule. My mom really won't be the type to come help me. She only lives about 10 minutes away but she's just not that type. She and my Dad are actually going on vacation 3 weeks after surgery. My mother in law passed away just over a year ago. She would have come to help me. I will be here on my own, my husband will come home at lunch time to check on me. To those of you that have had open RNY, do you think this will work? Gosh, I've written a book... sorry about that but I know that the great bunch of you are the only one's that can understand all these emotions I'm feeling. I'm not sure if I need a kick in the butt or a cheerleading team or just some TLC. Any advice is so appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my loooonnnggg post. Joanne

JOANNE.....congrads and good luck on your up-coming surgery...!

WOW!!!! what a story! of course EVERYONE can relate to you. you are NOT UNIQUE. i am not saying that to hurt your feelings or anything like that, but all of us have the same emotions. i have had other surgeries and THEY ALL CARRY RISKS, even having BABIES carry risks. have you EVER had surgery? i've had both feet operated on...one ankle twice, i've had my tonsils out, i've had a D & C, i've had an ablasion and finally a hysterectomy. all of these i had to be put "under" anesthesia and they had risks involved. of course i could have changed my mind on any of those surgeries but i probably wouln't be able to walk today and as far as the hysterectomy, i probably could have bled to death if i DIDN'T have it. do you have any faith? start praying. i weigh the pros and cons. sure, i am scared as well (my surgery is Jan. 16th too!) and i can change my mind to have it done. i'm also healthy. no diabetes, no heart disease, nothing, just FAT! lol. i could go on being miserable and depressed, and tired and groggy and fat and tired and depressed........but i can't!!! i need this surgery for my self esteem as well as my health. i don't want to wait until i'm so fat that there are even BIGGER RISKS. do you know what I mean? Look, we're all scared. if we weren't, we wouln't be human. i believe that we are given a second chance in life to improve our life. keep writing us your feelings because it helps YOU. you will do what is right for you and you are one of God's children. He loves you and will protect you. am i making any sense to you? i'm 44 years old. i have two girls, 13 and 15. life is hectic. i work full time and i don't have any energy. i always felt like i never measured up. i became an alcoholic and drug abuser. i am clean and sober now. it's not easy. this is the last thing in my life that needs improving. (i hope). we can get thin together. we can exchange phone numbers and talk EVERY DAY. no one is helping me either. i asked for a blender for Christmas. i will go to GNC and buy Whey Protein powder and mix it with fruits and milks and vanilla extracts for the first month. you can do it. you a mother. mother's can do ANYTHING. i live on this website too. this is the most helpful website of all. good luck on your date and remember.....your worth it and your beautiful!!!!!

Hi Joanne You are in great hands with Dr. Randall. I had my surgery just a little over a year ago with him at LMH as well. Dr. Randall and his staff do not mind getting calls I had to only call twice after surgery and once Kate called me back and the other time Dr. Randall returned my call personally. Everyone at the office is caring and concerned. Never hesitate to give them a call. I went through the same emotions as you are going through now. My main concern was I going to be able to follow the rules after surgery not so much as having complications or not waking up. I had no complications at all, everything went smoothly as planned. I have three school aged children and my husband took a week off from work which was enough time. The hardest part was getting in and out of a chair due to where the incision is placed. You will get tired easily for a few weeks but try to walk each day and walk a little further each day this I beleive helps with getting stronger and better. Best of luck and congratulations on your surgery date! Janet

Hi Joanne, I had my RY on 08/09/06 at the Faulkner Hosp. ( jamaica plain). After I had my appt's and surgery date, I felt just like you are right now...would I make it thru and anything that was an unpleasant thought. the day of surgery when the where putting my IV on I was saying to my mom in law, I should just jump of this bed and go home. I too was afraid of the what if's. It's normal to feel scare but you starting now want to have a positive and calm attitute so when the day gets here you will be a bit nervous not overwhelmed with bad thoughts. After surgery when you get home rather, you will be soar for me it wasn't too bad so I didn't have to take any pain meds but everyone its diferent. fluids for the first few wks. ( depending on your dr's orders) then when you start semi solids and the some solids..that was hard for me b/c I got the dumpping syndr. a few times and crampy when I try to eat something, the first 3 months for me where ok but I feel much better now. Im down 40lbs. some people loss quickly and some like me slow. my energy its good and my arthritis on my knee is gone...and some crying after surgery b/c I couldn't believe I had to have surgery to get healthy. How old are you kids? you have to take it easy and not do any lifting are top priorities for you. Joanne if you need a helping hand have some friends help out. if your kids are in school that would be great b/c you will have time to rest up before they get home. and if you don't have anyone to help during the day if your not too far from me I'll be glad to lend a friendly hand ( I'm serious ). keep us posted & positive thinking...and just think about what a hot mama you'll be by may...lol hugs, Debra

Hi Debra, I want to thank you for the time you took to answer my post. I've finally calmed down. I think alot of the emotions that I had the other day was just because I felt totally overwhelmed, I'd been waiting a long time to tell my boss and all my emotions came flooding out. My kids are 10 and 7. They are great! I have not told them about the surgery yet as I want to wait until that time gets closer. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with it myself and don't want them to feed off of my emotions. My mom told me I was "like a farm woman" when I had my children so I'm hoping I will do okay with the surgery. Thanks again for all of your help! By the way, I do live close to you... hee hee hee. xoxo Joanne