Hi!

I am sorry you are so hurt, you have the right to be.

I think we forget that our partners are also on this roller coaster with us. And unfortunately most men dont communicate well (from my own experience). They are raised with tough love and "excuses are for losers" motto. My husband is/was the same way. It took me a long time to learn to communicate correctly also.

As women we accustomed to emotions and having the social ability to show/share them. My husband used to respond with what came across as anger when he was not happy with something I did or our girls did.

But the only person we can change is OURSELVES! Maybe you can talk to your husband (think about what and how you want to say/approach before hand) about how what he said was true but that it hurt you. How maybe if he talked to you before and not bottled it all up you could work on the issues together. Do your best not to cry and carry on about it too much, then switch to how you are aware of the problem.

And try to focus the conversation on what you need to do to fix your current situation. My husband always say it is not about the weight/appearance as much as it is about the attitude that comes with the weight gain. We get depressed, and self conscious with leads to less intimacy and going out and doing fun stuff with them. And then ask for his help to keep you on tract. I know my husband will not bring up the food I eat or working out to me in fear, so when I really need a kick I ask him to remind me or join me on the walk or not to ask to go out to eat so much so I can focus on good food choices.

I honestly dont know you or your situation and I dont want to come across as preachy. But I have a wonderful husband who I drive crazy. God bless him he sticks with me through my roller coaster and craziness! But I really had to learn how to communicate with him so we dont fight and get hurt feelings. I had to make him aware of what he was feeling (usually embarrassment) and how his reaction hurt us.

Now you dont have to ski, but maybe reach out and plan a group event where you can hang at the spa and he can ski and you can connect later in the day. This way he doesnt feel like he is ignoring you or leaving you out but he still gets his fix.

Good luck, and try to remember the weight is typically a symptom of all the other crap happening in our life! The band might not work for you but nothing will if you dont fix the rest of it first.

It's been a while. Vastly thanks to me feeling so ashamed and a failure because I look almost as bad as I did before my surgery. I am missing only 5lbs to be back at my worst ever weight.

Yesterday my knee cap dislocated. When I was younger it happened frequently. Had a surgery 10 years ago but the dislocation started reoccurring a few years back and now it gets more and more frequent. Anyway, my husband brought me to the A&E yesterday and his mood got visibly worse the longer we waited. The anger was actually so visible that the radiologist lady even commented on how grumpy he looks.

On the way home, I asked him several times what was wrong and I apologised if I ruined his afternoon. What he said to me was:

"there was no need for the A&E. You know the issue, you are familiar with it, no need to go there. So you want to know what helps? Have you ever looked in the mirror? What do you see? What do you think why your legs, your arms are all wobbly? Because you have no muscles! You eat chocolate but you do nothing to take the poison out of your body again. Do you call this a life?? A feather touches your knee and you break down? What do you think why you have motion sickness? Your stomach is big, there is no muscle so it wobbles back and forth. "

In the evening we had a dinner planned with friends, and one asked him if he goes skiing with a side glance to me he responded 'no, that is something that I can't do'.

I actually don't know why I am writing this, but I guess I need to share. I know he is right, but I can't say that this speech didn't hurt. A lot. I don't know what I was thinking, but until yesterday I didn't realise how my husband sees me, as this overweight, wobbly and therefore fragile person who seems to be holding him back. He is right which makes it even worse. I feel as uncomfortable in my skin as i haven't done in a long time. Unfortunately I didn't have some alone time since it happened; I can feel the tears at the back of my throat and just want to cry, by myself so I can gain new strength. I hope i can turn this speech to a wake up call. I don't want my weight to be the reason for other health problems, and even worse I don't want anyone else feel like I am holding them back.

Did you guys have wake up calls?

I had 2 lap band removals..my second was on 11/7 and now going for my sleeve 3/31. I must say I had no issues like that either times. But it has only been a week for you. remember it is still a surgery and do no lift or over do it!!

I just wanted to say how grateful I am for my band today. I recently went through a double mastectomy with reconstruction and put on weight. Today I was able to get on my skinny jeans! Still snug but they are on and I can breath!

I know a lot of people struggle with their band and this post is not to say I don't believe you, or that your struggle is not valid.

I consider myself lucky! My body likes my band and I love it right back. I have had a total of 4 surgeries for these boobs and each time I put on 10lbs then they come off slow has heck but they do come off. My last surgery was at the end of 2016 and today I finally feel like I am winning the battle. AGAIN!

I know for certain had I never have had my band that I would never have made the progress I have today.

Good luck to you all!

Mell

I too, had to get my head back where it belongs. My surgery was March 2008 lately haved been turning a blind eye to my 20# gain. Time to start from scrat*****luding getting back to reading posts on this wonderful website.

Your post was an inspiration and I love the quote. I'm glad to see that there are other long-term "bandits" and would love to hear from others. Some of the posts on here about scar tissue, removal and needing another WLS are a tad scary.

Best of luck on your journey!