Roller Coaster Ride with MY BAND

Boy has it been awhile since I have been here.  I was banded Dec. 22, 2009, weighing in @ 272.  2-3 months later, discovered a band leak during 1st fill, had to have port replaced. 

Since the portal replacement, I made it down to 172, and really feeling great and looking good.  However the mind wasn't adjusting too well with the weight loss and so forth so it caused alot of off and on emotional eating and binging.  Lose some, gain some.

Then life got in the way over the past year and a half.  I had another heart attack, my husband became disabled and now we are appealing his SS denial.  And now within the past 6 months I find out my mom (my best friend) is dying.  So of course the person that I am, I put myself on the back burner and take care of the loved ones in my life.

So here I am back up to 236.6 lbs and struggling again.  So this year my New Years Resolution was to join Weigh****chers Online and take off the weight again and hopefully for good this time.  I joined on Jan. 10th and already down 3 lbs which I am sure all water weight at this point, and I am back to exercising and eating healthy.  

The foods that got me in trouble were breads and pasta and portion control.  I know this, and now comes out the measuring cups and food scale after hibernating in the closet for so long.

My mom said to me at Christmas that she loves me no matter what my size is, but really enjoyed me enjoying life smaller.  This really hit home with me.

So I am back on the boards to learn and maybe participate once again.

I can honestly sit here and look at myself in the mirror and say I matter once again and this is a lifetime experience.

Thanks for listening! (well in this case reading)

Terri   

It is time to get back to the boards for encouragement, and get back to basics. 

Wow- you have gone through a lot, and still are.  That's great you are making yourself a priority.  Remember, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.  You want to be as strong and healthy as possible for your loved ones.  You have a great attitude, keep it up!

Hi, Teri.

Welcome back. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. I lost mine in 1995 and my Dad in 2006. My mom never even got to see me have my surgery and get thin, something that she always wanted for me.

I don't know how much encouragement you are going to find here. Sadly, the majority of posters will want to tell you that you need to get a revision, not that you need to re-evaluate your eating and issues. 

But you've already done the best thing for yourself that you can do: you realize where your boondoggles lie, and how to address and avoid them. Stress/emotional eating was, is and always will be my problem and things are really, really stressful. I know that i will never be able to conquer that particular demon, no matter how much I hoped I would be able to. And no WLS in the world is going to keep me from putting food - especially the wrong kinds - in my mouth.

So whatever works to get you back on track: WW, food journaling, the gym - if it works for you, keep doing it. And as for this: "I can honestly sit here and look at myself in the mirror and say I matter once again"? You never stopped mattering.

Thanks Bette.  This is one of the reasons why I left here to begin with.  I hated the drama and the band bashers and so forth.  No matter what the subject is there is always going to be someone to change it around.

But I figured sometimes life comes full circle somehow.  And this is where it began with making my surgery decision and getting some help and encouragement along the way.

I am not able to have another WLS procedure due to my health so no one is going to be able to change my mind otherwise.

 

If everything is working right with your band - and it sounds like it is - then you don't need another surgery anyway. You just have to get back to the place where you can wrap your head around what you need to do to make it work. And lord knows, I know that ain't easy!

Hi, I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I'm really sorry about your mother.

You can do this again. It's never too late to start fresh.  I am dealing with significant regain, as well. I am bandless, but resolved.

 

You may want to consider some sort of support group for grief as well as weight loss. If you're an emotional eater, talking about your grief and finding ways to distract yourself from the emotional eating are invaluable.  Sometimes there are groups you can join that are free... and I would consider seeking those out.

 

It sounds like you've already started if you look in the mirror and see that you are a valuable part of the world. (And everyone is!)  You definitely can do it. Best of luck to you.

Thanks Nic,

I thought about counseling and all, but I am trying to do it my way once again and make me 1st and foremost.  Yes the people that I love are still there and need my help, but I just have to take care of me 1st.

I told my sister she needs to be more active in taking care of our mom, and I also told my husband's sisters/brothers that they could help out alot more also. 

So this year I am making alot of changes to make this happen. 

I even changed my work schedule to relieve some of the stress. 

So far the changes are occurring and making life somewhat manageable again. 

Terri,
Wow you are on The right track alright! You are asking for help! Good for you! My mother is dying too, cancer, I too have learned to ask for help . You so matter to soooo many!

Prek3

I am so glad you have decided to take care of yourself again. You truly are going through hell and I know from experience that if you don't eat well and exercise you can't deal with the stress as well. We suddenly lost a daughter 5 years ago and believe me I was in the worst point in my addiction. My mind got so fuddled I couldn't put two thoughts together in a straight line and make them stick!

I knew from a physiology class I had taken the year before that exercise, especially if some of it is outdoors, reoxygenates the brain and increases it's clarity. The professor even suggested that if we had an exam we go out side and walk around for several minutes, breathing deeply. The other thing I learned is that eating healthful foods with good carbs also helps the brain and allows the body work more efficiently. Did I do any of those things? Nope. I went through the loss of our daughter, my mom (also my best friend) having a stroke and kidney failure, worry about our grandsons 10 and 6 now living with their dad (long story), me trying to finish school, and a near nervous breakdown, all while eating crap and hibernating it is no wonder I stayed a wreck and had my own health issues. Dear Lord what we do to ourselves!

Please do come here for support. If you don't get what you need start pm'ing some of us. Anyone would be pleased to help. Allow your band to do what it is designed to do and you do what you need to. You won't be perfect, of course, since no one is even in great cir****tances. You will just have to pick up and move on. You can do this. God bless,

Sue

Thanks Sue, and it is great to see some familiar people still here.