Basic decency and humanity, not to mention kindness.

My band has worked for me so I can't truly appreciate the physical and emotional trauma to those who have had serious problems. I do fully understand the need to share your experience, both to warn others and also simply to vent! Most of those who have had problems post forcefully and that is absolutely fine.

But I really believed that the days of pure nastiness were gone. I have started to come here again after a gap and it seemed to me there were more negative posts but no truly nasty ones. Until today!

How can it be justifiable to reply to someone who has just been banded by telling her painful failure is inevitable and that she won't get any support from this board? The OP did say she found the board more negative than the other one she goes on and hoped she might find OH more positive than it at first seemed. But she in no way criticised anyone or doubted anyone's story.

That is nothing to do with helping someone by telling the truth! It's not helping and it is not the complete truth.

i cannot understand the mentality which seems to say "my band failed me, my band hurt me, so now I am going to make YOU anxious and miserable"

Kate

The sad thing is, Kate, that people who will attack newbies like that just will NOT get your point.

 It's the internet. It's not worth getting up in arms over. Grown people should be able to speak their minds and deal with it.  If someone lets others "run them off" of a forum, then they need more help than we can provide. If I want to be somewhere and say something, I go there... and I say it. And if it's something that people don't want to hear, I deal with the consequences. But I don't let anyone tell me I can't post where I want. If I'm wrong, I apologize. If not, I don't.  It's pretty simple, actually.

Calling people "angry *****es" isn't the epitome of kindness, either.  It would be like if I started my posts with, "You stupid idiots" whenever I read something and didn't care for how it was worded.  I bet I'd get my arse chewed for that, wouldn't I?!  Ohhh, yes, I would!

Nic, you wouldn't post like that though. You are forthright in your views but I have never seen you jump down the throat of someone just banded, not even over the op! 

I take your point about the internet and ignoring what offends. But this was not offensive, it was hurtful. 

Well, we've all been hurtful at some point, I imagine. I'm sure I've hurt people without actually trying. And I've certainly been hurt by comments... but I shrug them off and keep on truckin'. Because at the end of the day, it comes down to knowing yourself and what's true and what's not.

If someone believes they've made a wonderful decision and a stranger tells them, "No, you certainly haven't!" they can choose to be offended... or they can say, "Well, I'm okay with my decision and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks." 

This whole, "Harumph! I'm leaving because of mean people on the internet!" thing is old, in my opinion. The internet isn't new... there will always be people who disagree... and getting undies in a bundle over it isn't going to help anyone, anywhere. But I kinda secretly think people really like getting undie bundled sometimes.

This poster didn't do a drama queen storm off. She came to a support board to introduce herself, was immediately the subject of vitriol and so decided it wasn't a support board! Understandable! So she left. So this means she will go back to her "happy board" where the positive reigns supreme and so never get to read the downsides of the band or find out what to watch out for,

Shame!

I try to put myself in this situation and I have a hard time. Honestly. I am saying this with all sincerity. If I entered into a forum and was offended by comments that people made, I'd most likely lash out first. (And I SAID I was being totally honest here!) And then I'd think, "Well, up yours. I'll post where I want , when I want to, and say what I want."  Then, after all the Crazy died down, I'd probably notice that there were some people to whom I'd gravitate... and others I'd avoid completely.  You know, typical internet doo-doo.

Hopefully this new poster will find the board again, if needed. Otherwise I hope she finds a better fit elsewhere. I think that even the people who posted in a way that offended her would be here if she needed help down the line at all.  I know I would help anyone, if I could. Even the ones who don't wanna be my frieeeeend.

Like I said, Kate: they just. Won't. Get. It.

 You can't just pick and choose who gets treated well and who doesn't. If you want a "kinder, gentler, more humane" board, try being kinder and gentler to everyone. Not just the ones deemed "worthy." The people who are in abject pain are often the ones *****ally NEED some kindness. They probably don't need to be called, "*****es" or any other derisive terminology. (Although I see that particular group of words has been deleted by Members Services now.)

But, like I said, everyone chooses their own way of expressing themselves. If someone chooses to include name calling as part of their expressing themselves, I suppose that's valid. But, as I mentioned before, a person has to be wiling to deal with the consequences. *And lucky for us, internet consquences are usually nothing more than a silly back and forth word volley.*

So, I do "get it."  I also get that this board has been filled with histrionics for as long as I've been on it... and people come and go... and people succeed with their bands and bands fail, too. We don't have to like every part of everything... we don't all have to like each other... but it's crazy to think that one way is going to prevail over the other when it comes to communicating. I bet even NASA is full of people who disagree with one another. "I wanna go to Uranus!"  "Well, *I* wanna go to Pluto!"  "My way is the only way!" "Na uh! Your way is full of poop!!"

Hopefully at some point in the future, we'll evolve to the point where we all are filled with empathy, understanding, and concern for our fellow humans. Maybe after we all have lobotomies?

Nic:

Do you honestly think it's helpful to come on a post from a woman who had surgery YESTERDAY and tell her that she's destined for a life of misery and pain? IT'S NOT. It's sick, it's mean and yes - *****Y. The poster wanted to enjoy a few seconds of happiness, but no.The antibands had to jump right on her.