I passed on the FILL ...

I called last week to get in with my Lap Band dr. I was telling myself, if I felt that it was just emotional eating, that I would cancell in the morning (they usually get so busy, me needing to cancel would be no biggie). Over the weekend, I knew that my gain is not from me needing a FILL, I didn't need an adjustment, what I needed was a head adjustment! I had been grazing and taking in liquid calories. A FILL was NOT my answer to that.

The assistant came in (she is the one who usually does my FILLS), and I told her immediately, "I DO NOT NEED A FILL". She smiled and looked at me. I didn't give her a chance to look at my information, I told her I had gained and I was here to be honest and accountable. But that I couldn't move on until I could let her know what I was doing. It was a, "Bless me Father I have sinned"...moment.

Yes, I have had a lot of personal things going on in my life, especially in the last few months. I could blame those situations and have a "pitty party" for allowing my bad habits that were creeping back in. BUT, if the truth be told, its life happening, and there will always be "something" going on, but I can't let it rule over me, I can't give away my power to FOOD! And I think, we sooooo often want to pass it off, and say " I deserve to have that starbucks", or "it's only one cracker", but, thats the problem, addiction is addiction, and like someone posted on the boards the other day, ya can't be a " lil pregnant", and I can't be a little addicted, I just am. So, I have to be mindful. Just like a crack addict, or an alcoholic. Its on going, plain and simple, period!

I feel so much better. I schedualed another appointment for Dec 27th, not for a FILL, but the accountability. Yes I have to pay, but, I need to stay honest at this time and point in my life. Its cheaper and easier than trying to lose more additional weight. That is affecting my mind. A couple of aches and pains have come with the weight gain, and that was a huge part that was the purpose to having this WLS.

Anyway, I came back to the boards to be honest and accountable. Thats why I am here today again, I needed to put it out there. Thanks for allowing me to vent.

prek3

 

 

Good for you!! I guess we need to take it one day at a time. I can understand what you are saying I could have written the same post. I have not lost any weight in about 2 months; I need one more pound to be in onderland and I just cant do it! I'm still in your challenge so I'm not giving up yet!!

 

Hi Giant,

I use to avoid my weigh in at W.W. and just be in denial over these issues. It got me no where, it's just lying to myself.

There is no giving up. We have to believe in our sucess, this surgery was my "cry for HELP".

Prek3

You are so right. I think I need to do what so many people post and that's "get back to the basics"

You did good! Getting it out here is just the right thing to do.

So proud of you!

Its that damn Catholic guilt! And I aint even Catholic any more!!! LOL

prek3

Thank you Granny

I really honor your honesty -- and your willingness to 'fess up' to the nurse and not go through with an unnecessary fill just because you were there.

I had an 'a-ha' moment about 2 weeks ago -- I was feeling sorry for myself and bemoaning the fact that with an alcoholic, they can stop drinking -- but with a food addiction, we HAVE to eat -- blah, blah, blah -- the truth is that I have to eat, but I don't HAVE to eat Oreos or (substitute your food of choice).

Alcoholics HAVE to drink -- they don't have to drink alcohol ---- we have to eat, we don't have to eat crap.

It empowered me to make some better choices and 'suck it up' and stop pouting.

"wah, wah, wah, Kath -- get over it  ---- you have been dealt this hand -- play it to the best of your ability"

 

 

((Kath)))

I love what you said, "... the truth is that I have to eat, but I don't HAVE to eat Oreos or (substitute your food of choice).

Alcoholics HAVE to drink -- they don't have to drink alcohol ---- we have to eat, we don't have to eat crap."

Well said!

prek3