I'm back--depressed and need support

Hello,

I haven't been on this board for a wile.   I'm depressed and desperate and need to get this out and figure out how to get control of my weight. So, here's my story............

I was realitively thin throught high school. Although my weigh did vary. I'm 5'3 and went from 125-140ish and back in high school. Went to college and my weight went up to 175 by the time I graduated. Got out of school and started working full time and got up to 200. Got on phentermine and did some serious dieting and got back to 150. Got pregnant for the first time in 2004 and gained 90 lbs. Got down to 170ish after the pregnancy but got pregnant in 2008 and wound up at 250 again by the time the baby was born. I got lap band surgery in Dec 2009. I lost 50 lbs between Dec and May. I really worked hard ( nothing easy about it) eating healthy, gym twice a day. Well, I got preggo again in May 2010 wound up misccarying and then preg again in August 2010. Baby born May 2011 and my weight back up to 250. In sept 2011 I went on Medifast and lost 50 lbs in 4 months. Then went off it and my weight is back up to 250. I'm depressed. I had my band loosened at the end of my pregnancy. I have an appointment to have it filled on Wed. I'm not sure what to do. I've learned to "eat around my band". Meaning I know cookies, chips, milkshakes, go down fairly easily. I really don't like the band and the "stuck" feeling. I'm contemplating asking my surgeon about gastric bypass or some other surgical option. 

I'm just so overwhelmed and depressed. I work fulltime. I leave my house at 7 am and get home at 6 M-F. I have 3 kids ( ages 7,3.5, and 16 months). They all need a lot of attention. I have been putting my self last for years. It's taking it's toll. I just feel sooo hopeless and don't know what to do. Thanks for reading and any advice you may have.

hang in there, you have a lot going on. Keep you appt with your doc to get your band adjusted it will help. you will get back on track. I say if you dont like the band look in to another option. but no matter what you choose you will need to work on the chips,cookies, milkshake. good luck I hope things get better for you

A fill is a great idea- seems in order and will hopefully help get you back on track. You are extremely busy but it's vital you take care of yourself. It will make you a better mother. You can better take care of others if you are taking care of yourself. Some excersise would be great, for weight loss and stress management. With four young children you must have stress lol. Good luck!

Please don't take this as a negative comment it is not meant that way but you would probably benefit from either a support group or some counceling to figure out why you go ahead and eat around the band. I'm certainly not a band supporter as anyone here can tell you, but realistically you can eat around all the surgeries even the bypass. Only about a third of bypass patients dump on sweets so you can't count on that either. So you need to find out what is fueling the addiction to food so you can learn other ways to cope, maybe even see if there is an Overeaters Anon near you. Stress alone can be the cause and if you are seriously depressed medication may be needed.
Now all that said you can certainly try the band again but as you know it still takes work. I know the only way I can keep from eating the bad foods is to just not have them in the house and no the kids don't need them either. Otherwise the foods just keep calling from the cupboard.. I hope some of the others can give you ideas on how to work your band but also talk to your surgeon and see what he says about other surgeries. I wish you all the best and we all know it is a very difficult thing to do even with the help of surgery, good luck to you!

Oh, I'm not taking it the wrong way.  I totally agree that I have an eating addiction.  I quit smoking about 12 years ago.  I still feel the urge but eat instead.  With three kids, I can't really relax with wine the way many would.  So, instead I eat.  Keeping food out of the house doesn't work all that well for me b/c I spend so much time away from home.  There's always a McDonalds, a vending machine, etc.  I am soooo busy that a support group is not going to work.   I could try counseling.  But when I tried before for other issues, I always found myself putting up my front that everything is ok.  Never accomplished anything.  Anyway, I'm so depressed and discouraged.  I guess I need to start somewhere.

The only way counseling works is to go into knowing you will be 100% honest and open. No pretense, no lies, put it out there! The good, bad and ugly! Believe me, I know and I know the benefit of good counseling. You need to get on top of this for yourself. 

The others have given you fantastic advice, please take it. I would like to add something, though. The very first thing you must do is to forgive yourself. Yep, forgive yourself for being human and not perfect. You have faced a lot and just because you feel you are back at square one doesn't mean you have failed. Do you hear me? You are not a failure and you need to forgive yourself. Then put yourself first and you will end up being far more effective in the rest of your life.

God bless you, Hon. Hang  in there and you can do this. Come here often and we will help out.
Sue