Help me understand, please.

A cousin of mine had the RNY done a few years ago. She has done well, or had done well until recently when she started gaining. She started at over 400 lbs - lost 175 fairly quickly and stalled for over a year and is now gaining. She has gained over 80lbs. She reads OH looking for ideas and her doctor told her to consider a BOB.
Anyway, she has been reading the Lapband forum a lot lately. Last night she sent me a text asking why there is so much bitterness and hate on the Band forum. She said RNY has a lot of complications, many regain, some die and you never read the same bitter posts that you read here. I told he maybe because RNY people are more supportive when there is a problem. She disagreed stating if you are gaining they are the first to ask what you are doing wrong.
So tell me, why are some of those who have had failed bands so "hell bent" on bitterness and anger? I understand telling your story. It is a valuable part of OH to have the good and the bad experiences shared, but it seems that the personal facts are not all that are shared. People are mocked, "cheerleaders" are told their time will come and they too wil be suffering soon. I have yet to read anything even remotely close to these kinds of posts on the other boards.
Are Lapband patients more angry because the Lapband is advertised as the WLS with the least complications? Is it because the Lapband is removed and you expect to be left as you were prior to getting it? RNY patients know the risks are higher and it seems they expect it. I read a women's story last week that was dreadful. She was in the ICU for months, fed with a feeding tube and her complications changed her life forever. She never once

Typing from my phone. Sorry!
This person never once bashed RNY. She never once told the Pre ops that they needed to consider a different surgery and never once told those with successful healthy RNY experiences that their time would come. She simply stated her experience in a clear and factual manner. I applaud this woman. Her message is heard. And those considering RNY perhaps will look elsewhere.
Perhaps there is more to the story with Lapbanders that they feel it is their mission to bring as much hate and disrespect as they can to this forum In hopes of destroying it. I do not know. But I do know there is never a reason to wish failure and injury on another, regardless of how angry you may be.

 You know I really think its a combination of several factors. I suspect that, with other surgery types, patients are better informed of risks and complications AND take that information more seriously due to those surgeries being considered to no more invasive and difficult or impossible to reverse. I think it also has to do with the ability to assign blame - you can blame the band itself or the band manufacturer for problems. With other surgeries, your only choices to assign blame are yourself or your surgeon. 

Good question! It's been interesting to read the responses. Ironically, I assumed every other board had the same conflicts between individuals with positive and negative surgical outcomes.

Iam....   I agree there is a LOT of bitterness on the Lapband forum.  I think the reason for the bitterness is because while people are trying to tell their stories to more or less warn people that it is NOT as safe as what was once believed, they are getting told it is THEIR fault. 

We all know that the lapband is a tool.  We were told that when we got the lapband.  We know there were complications, however, we were not told the severity of the complications.   We were told it was easily reversible, not that you had to fight like a demon to get it out before it kills you. 

I know that when I come on here, I try to tell people to look at both sides.  I do not discredit people who have had success with the lapband.  I applaud them.  However, I also do not like people to put blanket statements that if the lapband fails it is the patients fault.  It is NOT!

I also have a friend who had gastric bypass, before I had my lapband.  She ended up almost dying about 5 years after surgery too.  ALL surgeries have the possibilities of complications.  However, there are more studies coming out to support those of us who have lapbands that failed us and to have people constantly saying to ignore certain people because THEY don't agree with what they have to say is wrong. 

I say let each person make up their own mind.  Let everyone tell their own story, good or bad, weigh what risks they are personally willing to take, then take it from there....

I hope that I don't come across as an "angry" failed bander, I do have bitterness, I admit it, but my bitterness is from people stating if the band failed then it is your fault.  Nothing else!
 

Thank you! You do not come off as an angry person. I am sorry you almost died. It must have been a terrible time for you.
I appreciate your words. I appreciate when someone can tell their story without the hateful rhetoric. Negative rhetoric cannot be helped, having a band fail and injure you is negative, there is no way around that, but when remarks about EVERYONE will eventually have a failed band and "just wait until it is your turn to suffer," do no one any good.
I think it is time we all start being more mindful of our words, kinder, and more understanding. We need to stop with the blame game when someone is struggling. I have heard it! It happens! We need to realize words harm and wishing someone's else demise to make our point stronger needs to stop. Please let's be more supportive and more informative, just as you stated. Thanks!

you come across as a mature person who is secure with themselves and open enough to share your experiences (good and bad) without coming across (rude/negative). thank you for that.

hi i am with band, i always enjoy your posts and i hope your cousin is much better.

 Thank you Happygirl! My cousin continues to plug along. I pray she will be healthy. 

I was told by someone that I will not name she said she believes people that has complications, and doesn't find it negative, but just very disheartening. 

I believe people are just very fearful that it may  happen to them so they get into "denial mode" and "it won't happen to me" 

Believe me, when I first was banded, it was very disheartening for me to hear about failure and complications and I thought it would never happen to me.  But look at me, it was unfortunate that it happened.