lapband and dating ?

i'm  a VERY shy man i'm very big right now i am 300 lbs i have not been on a date in 7 years and its mostly do to my shyness not weight i am 6'4  so i'm fluffy i'm told i'm funny but i dont think i'm cute .

if i online date do i post the fat pics and see if they like me no matter what or be shallow and post skinny pics ?
my q is do i tell i have had it or act like nothing happend or tell i got lapband ?

its already impossible for a gentleman to get a date these days so help is welcome !
i get surgery in 2 days i got no fat pics should i take some?

hi there.....traffic on this site seems to be slow today so I guess that's why no one has replied yet.
i am not sure I have any great advice regarding dating (in fact. I am sure I don't)!  but I do think you should take some pictures of yourself pre-op so you can more easily see your progress. it's been very helpful for me.  Then take a picture once a month.

Other than being shy, why is it impossible to get a date?  okay, I have been out of the dating scene for a long time (26 years this October) so I may be clueless about dating but I do know this:   much of your success in dating (or most anything else) hinges on your attitude and beliefs. if you believe it's "impossible to get a date", what motivates you to even try?  Some people call me Pollyanna-ish but I know for myself that if I believe I will succeed, that's half the battle because my mind is open and receptive to solutions and not clouded by my self doubts.

i think there is a singles WLS group somewhere on this site. That would be a good place to start. If I were single again, I would seriously consider one of those online dating sites like match.com. I certainly couldn't bear to go back to going out to singles bars again (shudder).
 
good luck and welcome aboard 

i am a member of a few sites  i am not that cute so ^..^;;  i dont get much in the way of girls + i'm fat  funny or not i dont get past 2 msg so far even if they like me

mostly what makes me try i donno being alone all the time is a huge bore.    i need a videogame chick ^..^  i dont drink so no bars for me   most ppl online seem to just wanna have sex even if they say they dont cuz you cant be there "friend" unless you are "cute"  lol that does not make sense.

as you can see i am a bit of a hermit

Personally I think honesty is always the best policy. You are who you are and sounds like you need to just take a deep breath and jump into asking folks out. If a date finds out you have lied to her or you left out an important part of your life that might be a deal breaker for them. I know it would be for me. Not that you should wear a big sign that says I had weight loss surgery but if they ask why you eat so little or why you don't want to eat out often it would be a good thing to let them know. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it just that you had it and it's coming along.

Definately take some pics before surgery and maybe even make a scrap book of pics taken once a month on your journey. It can help urge you on when the inevitable stall happens. Your time will come believe me, I didn't meet and marry my hubby till I was 35 but that was a good thing, we'd both sowed all our wild oats and could just relax and enjoy each other. Don't give up, there is someone out there just waiting for a sweet teddy bear!

I've done online dating, and I post the most recent photos of myself. Regardless of weight, it's important for me to let a potential date know what I currently look like. It definitely feels good to add new photos and get rid of older photos as I've lost weight. It's ironic, because it's usually the case that someone has gained weight rather than lost weight in their pictures.

I've never really told anyone I've gone on dates with that I've had lap band. I just haven't gotten to that point in dating someone. It would be hard for someone to tell by my eating behavior because my band is empty. It'll be hard, but I hope to get to the point where I tell someone I'm dating about my band. It's a huge accomplishment!

Also-- it's easier for me to give this advice rather than follow it-- but don't be so hard on yourself! Pictures only go so far-- let people know what a catch you are when they read your profile. You don't need to tell them you're a catch... but you know what I mean!

Good luck to you!

I'm going to give you my honest advice with this one based on someone who has done online dating years and years ago and who for many reasons since surgery, doesn't really date. 

First off,  get through your surgery and get used to your life with the band and without "old" foods and habits.  This is the time you need to focus on you and the changes that are ahead of you - not women....you have plenty of time for that once you get yourself together. 

Perhaps with WLS, a new outlook and a new image, you will gain more confidence as time goes on a dating will not be as much of an issue or your being shy. 

I would take pre-op photos for yourself and that's it.  But if you plan on posting a photo to a dating site, post of what you are here and now, not "fat" pics just to see if someone replies and then you wow them cause you are much thinner...no no no!!!  That's false advertisement!   

For the dating/photos perhaps set a goal for yourself and be like ok, when I get to this weight/size, I'm going to take a new photo and post that pic because "i'm ready".  If you aren't ready, don't do it! You certainly need to work on your confidence before you put yourself out in the online dating world or any dating world for that matter.  Rejection is part of dating - it's just a simple fact.  You don't know unless you try but you could try try try and try again and still be single because you just haven't run into the right woman!  

Ok, so maybe not everyone thinks you are "cute"  but cute is relative...really.  What is cute to one certainly isn't cute to another.  I personally don't have the hots for George Clooney, McDreamy from Greys Anatomy or other so called typical hotties  and eye candy that seem to get the general population of women's attention...even Brad Pitt...whatever! My point is here "CUTE"   isn't about what people look like ALL the time to everyone...there are people who find other's attractive when it's more than just a physical attraction.  There could be a women that finds you attractive because you are funny and that makes you more physically attractive to her.  Attractiveness comes from sharing the same interests and so on...

I certainly cannot stress more the importantace of focusing on yourself right now and not this dating thing but that is my two cents here!  Find a friend first - something that maybe could lead to more.  Do you have the opportnunity to network with single women at a support group offered locally or by your surgeon.  At least you would both have something in common to start with an be working toward a common goal.  Then your WLS would not be a main topic of conversation.

I don't think it is necesarry to immediately disclose your WLS status.  There are ways around it and it's never something I would put right off in my ad- oh and by the way I just had weight loss surgery etc etc....there is just no need for that just like there is no need for other specific details about your personal life upfront.  If you see things progressing with someone, yes it is important to share because it's a huge part of your life and your everyday but you don't need to come with a warning label or disclaimer.

I will leave you with thsi however, please take it from someone single who knows how very easy it is to let others (realtionships) take the focus off of myself and put it on them and only sabatoge myself in the end.  For example,  I had an ex a long long time ago who ate nothing but fast food, I went along with his lifestyle only to compromise my own in the end by gainging a ton of weight and then here him give me crap about being fat when he was not so in shape himself.  Bottom line a man like that for me..... NOT A GOOD FIT...then or definitely now! 

Stick to who you are, what you are working toward and choose the best person that fits into that mold and your new lifestyle.  You don't drink you say, so why would you want to date a woman who has to have 3 glasses of wine every night after work?  I don't eat pizza/pasta (when my band doesn't let me know that is), so I will be damned if I am dating a guy who insists he has to eat those things 5 out of 7 days of the week because then I will end up eating that crap and be right back to where I was because I was just riding on his wave....to heck with that!!

Good luck with dating...down the road I hope and really take into consideration who and what is best for what you want from your life and out of a "partner".  If the person is meant to be, all will fall into place.  Don't settle because you are lonely - that causes more problems in the end.  

Best,
Nikki   

Not only am I not especially cute, I am pretty old too.  Since my lap band I have had two serious relationships.  Before surgery, I had not dated in 20 years. This last gentleman is a wonderful guy who is himself morbidly obese and who is considering weight loss surgery. I think he will be a keeper, and we both see a great future together.

Neither man I dated is a great looker, but both have integrity, a good sense of humor, and didn't seem to give two hoots about my saggy belly or funny eating habits. They sorta seemed to like me!

I told both of them about the band, when the time was right, and it didn't matter at all. I took picture of myself the day of surgery, but never showed my dates, as it just didn't seem relevant to who I am now.

I think the key to dating is knowing what you want, knowing what you have to offer, and working to find the right fit between the two. My guess is there are lots of good women out there sitting home at night who would love to be with a guy who is fluffy, funny, and therefore, CUTE-at least in her eyes!

Now get out there and find her.

 Hi,
When I started online dating...I posted the fat girl pics...not because I wanted them to see the old me...but because at that time that WAS me. And what I did was add new pics every few weeks I left the fat girl pics but put the new ones to the front and had something in there about how i was working to build a better me.  Men would ask me was I fat now or before....based on how they asked the question helped me to decide if I wanted to go out with them.  After I got thin and to be very honest had more dates than I could keep up with... I paid very close attention to how they talked about someone that would walk by us while we were on our date.  Did they mention the persons weight? What did they say about it?  See if they were attacking ANY "fat girl"  they were attacking MY fat girl, (the one I had hidden under my now size 6- 8 body). I figured if they were mean to strangers how could I ever think they would be good to my fat girl if she ever showed her face again?  The fat me is very sensitive and low self confidence...but the thin me....she will kick any ones but that gives the fat girl any grief!  

Bottom line...go out and start having fun, you deserve fun! And eventually you just might find someone to make you happy. Be careful of some dating sites... ( used several and can tell you which ones i would avoid as well as the why to each.)  Some are full of .....less desirable...and I am NOT referring to looks.  Best of luck to you out there... keep me posted... ever want a good laugh?  look back through the old posts I have made about dating Most are titled something like adventures in dating.... I have had some LULU's!  But have a very nice man now that I am very happy with :)   


...just keep swimming ,
Swoosh ;)