beating myself up...don't know what to do

Hey everyone... I just had the worst day and I feel like such a failure.

I received my first fill about two weeks ago and since then I feel like I have been doing nothing but screwing up.  I have alot of othr stuff going on and I have totally given into a depressed situation which has led me to make horrible food choices today.  Since my tightening I started out doing everything correctly food choice wise until about 4 days ago.  It started with adding some pastina for my broth during the snow on sat.  Then I said oh first thing tomorrow (sun) will get back on track with my protein first vegs then carbs last...well I didnt do any of that. First I didnt eat anything at all then in the afternoon I had half a slice of pizza cuz I was starving. Didnt care if I got sick and when it went down no problem, I felt sooo guilty. Today I woke up still in my depression mode becasue of things, and while babysitting my nephew had some of his chips.  Had a sensible dinner, some pork and some string beans..but tonight had a few bites of blueberry pie.  I cant stop obsessing about failing and its making me think I am screwing up so bad so new to the game.  And to make matters worse, I feel like Im always hungry.... 

Has any of you gone thru these bouts of weakness?  I feel like my band isnt tight enough since I can get so much food down (after I measure my cup, I find myself adding alittle more to test it out and when it goes down no problem, I feel guilty)

Im sorry for my rambling, but as you can see for my time stamp it is now 3:45 in the am... I cant sleep and I cant shake this... If no one responds its ok... but I really have no one to talk to at this point and if I do talk to anyone I feel like they will be disappointed in me...

Thanks for just listening and goodluck to all you "loosers"... I just hope I can join you all again and feel good about myself.

xo
Nikki

 I think most of us get times when we feel like this. And it is especially hard at the beginning when we may not have good restriction. 

There is no magic formula! The psyhological need/ desire to eat will always lurk! Here's a few suggestions.

Feeling guilty leads to a form of self - hatred which leads to low self- esteem. Losing weight is HARD and we need the positive mind set  - so STOP the guilt trip. Remember you have had surgery,  you have taken a positive step, you re on your way.  This  is the beginning. You will make mistakes, of course, but the journey has started.

A few bites, if it really only was a few, is an irrelevance.  The main thing is, the other meals were as they should be. Don't go near foods you can't resists!

Keep busy. Boredom makes us think of food.

Just don't beat yourself up!  Kate

I say dont beat yourself up as bad as you are. Yes you made some bad food choices but with that make the choice not to do them often!! A few bites here or there is not going to kill us, just make sure its once in a while not a daily practice. My nut says its better to have a forkful of cake and savor it then let the rest go than hoard over a whole cake like a starving child.... yesterday is over let it go, put best foot forward thats what we can do.

I so agree with you!  Allowing yourself a bite of something can actually curve the cravings, at least for me.  I know there are others who take that one bite and they ca'tn stop, so they prefer to refrain from their "trigger" foods.

Ditto all of the above but let me ask you this:   when was the last time 1 slice of pizza (actually 1/2 a slice you said) satisfied you?  I can too clearly remember when I could polish off a whole pizza by myself.    I ate a slice of pepperoni and extra cheese pizza yesterday for lunch and felt no guilt whatsoever.      (and I'm still losing weight despite the "evil" pizza!)

Not beating yourself up is hard.  I know, because I am the queen of beating myself up.  I expect progress from others but perfection from myself.  It's so unrealistic and ridiculous; but it's true.

Try to make babysteps for yourself when you're going through a rough patch.  Break it down to having 1 good day at a time.  If you can't handle that, break it down even further to having 4 hours of healthy behavior at a time.

When you fall off the bike and get back on, you've got to start slow before you get back up to the speed you were at before you fell.  Same thing; start slow.  One day at a time, two days, three days...

You are human. No surgery can make the food choices for us, wish that was possible LOL every single person has had times of making not so great choices. You already made the first step, you admitted that it was a bad choice, now you just start a new day and leave the pizza and pie out of todays menu :) You have to move on and not dwell. Think of how much worse it could have been or was prior to surgery! Maybe track your food and make snack and meals that are already made in time of hunger then its easier to make a better choice.  

It's not tight enough. Very few ppl actually get restriction after one fill. It usually takes several. And sometimes it never gets  restriction regardless of how many fills you get!

And a few bites of blueberry pie isn't going to hurt anything. The key is moderation. I will say from person experience though that it helps to keep things out of the house that do tempt you.

Good luck!