I need motivation and a kind word (long)

Ok...my story probably begins like most of yours...I have been over weight for most of my adult life...got the lapband to change my life...and here I am.

I guess I had pretty high hopes before I was banded.... that my life would change and that I would be skinny by now...I know we all have different versions of what "skinny" is. I have gone through many  things in the three years that I have had my band. Many successes and some failures. I guess what I am sad about is that I didn't try. I think I may have tried in the first 6 months of being banded, but after that my food addiction took over. I have been on the roller coaster of being too tight and too loose. I have had times where I couldn't drink a sip of water to where I could eat an entire hamburger plus the fries. I have been on a roller coaster of feelings and upsets throughout my journey.  I have gained all the weight I have lost plus some. I fooled myself into thinking that I wanted a revision...and I had no problem finding a doctor who told me the revision would change my life and definitely work.  He told me it was the right thing to do for myself because my weight loss surgery was a bust and I failed miserably. He gave me an unfil in May of last year and that's when it started. I started to eat everything I could get my hands on. Things that I couldn't eat before looked  so appetizing to me. I gained 40lbs since then.

As per this doctor I had to get re-evaluated for my revision....which was going to be a sleeve gastrectomy. I went through the whole process again....seeing the doctor and the psychiatrist...and the dietitian. I did what was ordered by my doctor and saw these people. I saw the dietitian a bunch of times and realized something about myself...due to these visits. I learned that it is not the band that failed me, but I failed myself. Even though, when I was tight, I would eat past my soft stop until I vomited. I would graze throughout the day on slider foods. I would drink sugary drinks and pile up on cookies...they were the only thing that was consistently able to go down no matter how tight I was. I realized I am addicted to foods and most importantly I am addicted to sweets. I came to the realization that no matter what surgery I got I would still be the same in my head and that wasn't going to go away. I would feel full after three bites if food and tell myself that I hadn't had enough to eat....just because there was still food on my plate and my actual stomach didn't feel full. I would wait long periods of time until the food I ate would go down to finish the rest. This would take me sometimes and hour to eat, when I knew that 20mins was supposed to be enough time.

I told my surgeon that I would give my tool another try. I can say this because I know I did not try in the first place. Maybe I was a little naive in thinking that this would be like swallowing a magic pill. Anyone who has gone through any weightloss surgery knows  that this is not an easy way out.

Well, my surgeon told me that I would fail. He said that I would remain fat because I had tried before (like he knows) and was unsuccessful. He said that the band is not good for me and that I should get a bypass if I want to be considered a success story. He says that I am super obese and my band no matter how much I get it adjusted will not ever work for me.

What I have to say is I know it will. I did its part as far as making me full off of a little food. I just need to adjust my brain and continue with the dietitian as far as my weightloss goes. I feel that I need toprove this doctor wrong. I feel like I know myself and I will do better. I have an adjustment on the 31st of this month....and what I have to say is watch the pound melt off, you jerk! lol that is what I will say to him.

Some surgeons think more about the money they make instead of the human in front of them...and he is an example of that. When I get to goal I will have no problem saying I told you so!

I attacked my obesity in 3 ways.

1.  before surgery, I re-joined OA (www.oa.org) and I made a list of trigger foods that I abstan from.  These are foods that I used to crave and eat uncontrollably.  They are slider foods that the band is no defense against.  I knew that the band alone would not be enough to counteract those foods.

2.  I got back to Weigh****chers for education and accountability.  The weekly weigh-ins and group support are really important to me --- and aided significantly in my success

3.  I had Realize Band Surgery -- and I went through very consistent follow up with my surgeon.  I saw him every 3 - 4 weeks for the first 6 months, whether I needed a fill or not.  Then, I moved the appointments to every 6 weeks or so.  Now, I see him monthly at his Support Group meetings

I ADORE my surgeon -- and have believed from the first time I met him that he is my PARTNER in my journey to health.  I email him after I reach a particularly hard goal (hiking 9  miles on Sunday).

I really encourage you to keep in contact with your doctor -- and turn him into a believer right along with  you!!!!

Hi, Thank you for your response. I really appreciate the great ideas. I forgot to mention that I do stay in contact with my original surgeon, he is actually very nice and I love him. I chose another surgeon who does tons of revisions...my surgeon actually told me not to revise but to try again,,,that was why I went elsewhere because I thought that that was what I wanted...big mistake...lol. But I am on the road to success!

I want to commend you for taking CONTROL of your life and your body and realizing that your HEAD must must must be in this for the long term to really work ya know.

Where are you at with your band now?  Have you gone for a fill?  Are you really ready to begin again, realizing your limitations etc etc.  I for one am an addict and can't have certain foods around me period almost EVER.  I am battling a 20lbs regain and 40lb from goal.  I have finally got it in my head that what I am doing has to be change for LIFE and it's not going to be easy.  More then anything sometimes I want a donut or cookies, but instead I have purchased some protein bars that I LOVE and have them on hand.  I have fruit cut up in the house and easy to access again if I want something sweet.  

I decided THIS year unlike the days I missed last year I'm getting on the scale daily and if it goes up I take action right then and there and access what I have been doing and what I can do if anything to make it go down.  

So if you'd like to share your plan with me for success I'd love to hear it.

Ms Shell

Hi, Ms Shell...

I had to smile when I read that you are going to get on the scale daily and take the needed action right away. That is my plan also. I have started to weigh myself daily just to keep my mind on my weightloss and to understand my body.  I do have a fill on the 31st of this month and I am really looking forward to it. I have no restriction now...the fill I got back in November didn't give me restriction at all. I have cut sweets out and focus on eating balanced meals. Right now I am working alone...bc I dont have resrtiction...but i am doing well. It has been two weeks and I have lost 9lbs. I log what I eat now and keep a daily journal on My Fitness Pal. I have a long way to go...but I am so looking forward to the end results. I am exercising more...I have 5 days of it weekly...it's hard though, but as someone once said to me 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". Keep in touch if you like...we can inspire each other. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sounds like you are moving in the right direction and once you get your fill you should be cooking with gas and steam and whatever other analogy I can think of!!  I'll add you to my friend list and lets keep in touch!

Ms Shell

I thought all of the plans were very wise well thought out plans. I have signed up for an aerobics class. I know my self well enough to know if I am exericising I am more sure to eat well.
I have taken a note from Kath and I am making a list of my trigger and slider foods.This way I can have them removed from my house.
I feel that I am where I should be with my fill. I would be afraid of being too tight if I added any.
Protein first, exercise and avoid trigger foods. It all sounds so easy...

Huge Hugs to you!

first, thank you so much for sharing--that takes a great deal of courage, especially when stating the words "I failed".  ok, you failed, but you aren't a failure, and that was a BLIP....I look forward to seeing what happens next for you...because, I see in you determination and courage...great things will happen.

Thank you also for sharing, because as someone who is three months out from being banded...i learn from those "who have gone before me"...the good, the bad and the downright ugly.  Food addiction is just that...an addiction.  and for me, there are trigger foods that i just need to stay away from.  i'm not always successful.  But I need to keep trying.

thank you--

betsey

 It seems to me the best thing to do is get started. And find out if you can do this. EAt like a bandster, join a support group, and if you have success there you are.

So sorry that your suregon is so unsupportive with this situation! :( You should be very proud of yourself for taking control back of your body and your life! The head part of being banded is by far the hardest, our brains have a hard time working with this tool at times for sure! I have always said that if they had banded my brain instead, this may have been a smoother journey for me LOL I am almost 4 yrs out and I still struggle with my brain trying to run the show. I have done very well with my band but its still a daily choice that I have to make and I have days that my brain wins! You have made a smart decision togive your band a chance to do what it was placed to do and thats help you. Starting fresh is a good feeling though. Embrace the opportunity. I wish you much strength as you do this. Know that you can do this. Believe in yourself. You are worth it!