bad memory that keeps you motivated?

 Hi All,

I was just wondering whether you have some kind of bad/traumatic experience from the past that keeps you going in your weight loss?
I have one teenager memory that still haunts me, yet even though it is a really painful memory, it is extremely motivating:
When I was 16 or 17, I made out with a guy from my school at a party. He was really popular with the ladies, and I felt kind of great that somebody like this would make out with me (obviously).
A few days later, I was chatting with another classmate of mine and we were talking about rumours and he told me that he heard about this guy and me making out. After me pushing him (I of course wanted to know what was said about me), he told me that the other boys call him "captain Ahab"- I didn't get it first, and then he explained to me that captain Ahab is the one trying to kill the whale, Moby Dick (me). After the guy was teased by his friends with his new nickname, he of course said that he must have been really drunk, can't even remember and that it must have been quite disgusting.
yep, that was my worst memory. I have never felt so humiliated and ashamed. Even now, over a decade later, it is weird for me to write this down. 
Did any of you guys experience something like that?

Being forced to get out of the Disney ride "Mulholland Drive" because they couldn't push the bar closed over my fat gut even with his foot.
I almost cried watching my 9 year old ride by himself.






never again.

 Being at a conference;  smart, dressy dinner afterwards. I sat down and the chair broke and I ended up on the floor. I think it would have broken with anyone, damaged chair not just enormous me! But that's not how it felt then!

But if it happened now I would laugh myself silly! Then I felt humilated.

Kate

Getting into an elevator and having some nasty woman try to get herself and her kids huge carriage in.  She pushed against my mother who is too timid to say anything.  I told her that she might want to wait for another elevator.  She said "if you weren't so fat, we'd all fit." 

That and trying on shoes on incredibly swollen feet.  Embarassed that they didn't go on, sweating and panting because I couldn't contort myself well enough to work them on.  Yeah, that one is vivid.

Sorry you went through that. 

Oh, there are sooo many.  I guess the one that affected me most profoundly (but didn't inspire me to lose weight), was at my 20th HS class reunion.  I went up to a gal who was a very good friend of mine in HS but who I hadn't seen in 10-15 years, (since I gained the bulk of my 100+ excess lbs).  I went up to her at the reunion and I said something like, "Hey stranger!  How have you been?"  She looked right at me and said, "I'm sorry, I don't recognize you".  Then she looked down at my name tag which had my HS graduation picture on it.  She back peddled big time and was really flustered..."Oh, of course, Lisa!  I'm so silly!", etc. etc. She also happens to be a local television personality which didn't help because of course, she is beautiful AND successful, married to a doctor, etc., etc.  I, of course, was devastated and wanted to leave the party immediately.

The funny thing was 2 years ago I went to my 30th, 115 lbs lighter looking much like I did in HS.  Several people came up to me and said, "Oh, you look just the same!  How come you didn't come to the 20th?"  I guess "she" wasn't the only one that didn't recognize me! 

I love my band!

Lisa O.

Seven months after my son was born, we went to a nice hotel for Thanksgiving.  While waiting for our table, my husband and I started talking to another couple with a child.  She asked me when I was due in front of my husband.  She completely ruined a special day for our family.  My husband acted like he didn't hear.

A horrible memory I will never forget about my weight is this one-
I was only 14 years old when this happened,and I am female.

When I was in 7th grade this boy named Brad (who was a popular redhead at our school) passed a note to me in Art classThe two girls saw him passing notes to me in Art as we were all in the same class together.The note was to ask me if I liked him.I wrote back and he then passed a note back to me telling me he liked me as well.I was only 14 years old.Later that day two popular girls that Brad hung out with, Gina, and Missy came up me to ask me what the note said.I had liked Brad since I was in 4th or 5th grade so happily I told them about the note and what he had written me.I then stupidly pulled the note from my pocket and showed them what he wrote to me.

Halloween was later on that week and Brad lived in my neighborhood then,so we all were out on what ended up being my last time ever going to trick-or-treat.I went by myself dressed as a rabbit that year.Brad,Gina and MIssy for some reason followed me all over my neighborhood down the darkened streets.The next thing I know they all started running after me,shouting that they were going to kick my a**.I was so scared I ran to a house nearby and stayed in there with a lady who was a total stranger to me.I waited for Brad Gina and Missy to go away and when they left I waited some more and finally left to walk home.

I could see my house from where I stood.I kept walking and then the three leapt out from behind a hedge,and Brad knocked me to the gound in the middle of the street.
Brad then jumped on top of me and pulled a pocketknife out,and stuck it up under my chin on my throat.He called me a fat  B*tch and a few other names and cursed at me and told me if I told anyone else about the note he would kill me.In the background the two girls shouted insults and called me a b*tch and a few other slurs.Whne Brad finally got up off of me I ran all the way home and never told my family about what happened until recent years and I am 43 now.

I will never forget the humiliation, pain, or fear of that night when someone I really liked physically attacked me in the middle of the street within sight of  my own home.I think that night alone turned me into a person who has trust issues with others,and made me a commitment-phobic for life.I am glad the rules have changed for kids that suffer from violence from classmates,and bullying.

 oh jesus, that is way worse than my story!  Most probably Brad, Missy and Gina don't even remember that night, because they were stupid children. People like that will never understand what scars for life they left behind.
 I am sending you big hugs!!!

Thanks Evelyn M. Big hugs back to you.(((HUGS))) Good luck on your journey.:-)
The best thing anyone can do about the negative memories is to just mentally forgive all those in volved,Thank God for pulling you through it and the strength you gain as a result and then turn that negative into positive and put yourself in the service of helping others.

I think my way of helping others was the next year when I witnessed my cousin being bullied and pushed around by another boy.I cut a cane off of a blackberry bush,skinned all the thorns off on one end (to make a handle)and then beat the boy up with the thorny cane and also pushed him into the blackberry bush.My cousin was never picked on again and I also became a crusader at school for beating up bullies that picked on others.By the time I got to high school nobody wanted to mess with me anymore. In high school I fought the bullies for my friends.

I'd be willing to bet that each one of those kids ( now adults ) actually do think back to that night they terrorized you and that they do feel remorse. I bet that if they could, they would apologize to you for hurting you the way they did.

One day I was in the grocery store and I saw a girl that used to bully me in Jr High ( I still live in my hometown ) She was all grown up with kids and she stopped me to say hi. I said hi back to her, but I also took that opportunity to tell her how she used to make me feel. She was overly apologetic and I could see that she was truly remorseful.

I just wanted you to know that because I really believe that those adults do think about you from time to time and will continue to do so.