family support

hello, i'm new to this group and have been reading posts to get informed about lap band.  i've been going to the dietitian for 3 months now, had all my testing done, & psych eval.  I need to wait 3 more months of physician & dietitian visits before surgery.  i originally started this process a year ago & changed my mind because of no family support.  my husband & mother are trying to talk me out of it every chance they can. i've made a very conscious decision to actually go through with this surgery and hate that i have to keep explaining myself to my mother whom has never been overweight in her life and my husband that only has about 20lbs to lose.  how do i convince them that this is right for me?  and is it really that important that they understand, or can this be done with support online & the group support offered by my weight loss team?  just looking for a little advice.  thanks for ur help.

Welcome!

This concern is a tough one...it can be hard for people who have never struggled with obesity to understand our struggle and how difficult it can be to lose nearly 100 lbs the "old fashioned way" and then to actually keep it off.

It is also hard not to have your family's support when you've made up your mind and are willing to undergo surgery for help.

Now if your lap band does offer help and you are able to lose weight, I would say that your family will likely come around. They are probably just scared right now and once they see your success, they will likely relax and jump on board. In the meantime, you can find a lot of great support on this site.

The other tricky aspect of this is that the lap band has poor stats on EWL and also a high rate of post-op complications. If you are one of the many that experience this side of the band, I'm afraid your family will be quick to slip in those "I-told-you-so"s any chance they can.

If you are at a restaurant and can't eat with everyone else or if something gets stuck and you have to vomit in a public restroom or in the car...I would be afraid that it would be very sad to be dealing with that on top of their possibly smug know-it-all attitudes. I don't know them and maybe they wouldn't react like that, but if they did...well, it would be very hard, I'm sure.

Check out Amber's thread below who is dealing with some of these issues right now: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/lapband/4458845/Does-somet hing-have-to-be-wrong-with-you-band-to-get-it/ 

One thing is for sure, without your family's ultimate support, you just have to have a strong self-will. Do you research and stack the odds in your favor. Use OH for support and any local support group that may be available to you. You'll have to have a strong backbone to combat any potentially negative comments they may have for you during recovery or possible complications if that makes sense.

The next 3 months will go by quickly. I'm so glad you found OH. Be sure to read through the Lap Band board here to see what kind of real problems can arise with the band. You have to know what you are getting into. Also research the stats on the band and be sure that you don't want to go with a more effective procedure. The revision and failed WLS boards here are also a real eye-opener.

I would also encourage you to check out the VSG forum if you are interested in restriction only procedures.

Best of luck and keep us updated!
Lindsey

That is a tough one for all of the reasons Lindsey has already shared with you.

Looking back, I know I would have gone through with it no matter what they thought because I was doing this for my health and to have a future...

Even though the band did the opposite for me, I still had the support of my husband and mother. There were times my husband blamed the band for all of my health problems, while I was still blaming my car accident for most of my band problems.

After many years and and hundreds of hours of reading. I came to the conclusion that my husband   was mostly right, and I was fortunate to have a husband and mother that loved me enough to not throw such petty **** in my face when what I needed most was their love & support.

I cannot even fathom what it would have been like for me had I not had their full support during these times.

In hindsight, and only because of hindsight, I would not go through with any type of surgery without my husbands support because I have put this man through the wringer with all my health issues post lap band and I simply could not do that to him again.

I know this because a couple of weeks ago I asked him if he would mind if I started looking into having some plastic surgery done, to which he replied, " If that's what you want, but why are you asking me ?" I told him one of my reasons for asking him was because it's another surgery and another recovery time.

Ask yourself these questions (these questions would apply to any WLS you choose.)
1. If it comes down to it and you experience minimal weight loss and/or complications with  WLS . Will they support you or will they act like petty children and make your life miserable during what will surely be not only a stressful time, but a time you will desperately need their support/help ?

2. Can you live without their support/help ?

3. Have you given any thought to possible future financial concerns if anything were to happen and you could no longer financially contribute to the family anymore ? ( if this applies to you )

4. Is there any WLS they are supportive of, or is it just the lap band that they are not supportive of ?


Lisa